


changkyun's guide to being a super secret fanboy

by softkyun (tinyegg)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fanboy I.M, Gen, M/M, Puppy Minhyuk, Youtuber AU, changkyun is a cover artist and minhyuk is a reaction vids/vlogs person, hints of non-con (but nothing actually happens), the real endgame ship is jookyun, they only do it for fun though, they're best bros who always tease each other and are borderline gay tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8772685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyegg/pseuds/softkyun
Summary: “Changkyun, don’t give me that ‘I’m just a fan of his rap!’ bullshit, we all know you have a crush the size of the Great Wall of China on Lee Jooheon.” AU where Changkyun comes back a year late from Boston and misses his chance to be in Monsta X. Instead, he is a famous youtuber and cover artist known as IMwhatiam. (and a closet Monsta X fan)(aka the tales of lowkey fanboy Lim Changkyun and his #1 hype man/Jookyun shipper, Lee Minhyuk.)





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> hello! I have no idea what I'm doing starting a new multi-chapter fic when 'vampire? check y/n' is only halfway completed and I have like 12 WIP drafts sitting in a folder on my laptop but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> the idea of jooheon/fanboy!I.M was just too cute and didn't leave my head until I wrote it all down ;;; so, sit back because this might be a long ride :)

South Korea.

It’s where he was born, yes, but despite knowing the language, the food and the culture… it doesn’t feel all that much like ‘home’ anymore. He spent a little too much time in Boston, he guesses, but he’ll have to make do now that he’s back.

A vibration in his pocket alerts him to a new message on his phone.

 

**from: aka-minhyukuuu**

hey hey have you reached SK yet?? I’m waiting outside the gates in the arrival hall ~

**from: IMwhatiam**

hyung the arrival hall is huge how am I even supposed to find you

and yea the plane just touched down. waiting for baggage now.

**from: aka-minhyukuuu**

just look out for the most gd-looking guy in the arrival hall, shouldn’t be too hard

jkjk

ooo I think I see a cutie in a snapback ~

Changkyun groans at that last message, adjusting the snapback messily placed on top of his ruffled hair. Spotting Minhyuk – he wasn’t kidding when he said he was easy to spot, what with him carrying a huge _#1 I.M FAN_ signboard – he fires off a quick reply before heading over.  


**from: IMwhatiam**

you dork can you please #stop

 

“Never,” Minhyuk grins when Changkyun walks close enough to be in earshot.

“You look like an idiot,” Changkyun grumbles. Nonetheless, he gives Minhyuk a hug and snuggles his face into his shoulder for a few seconds as he always does, before pulling away.

“Isn’t that what you always say when you see me?” Minhyuk says.

“That’s because you always look like an idiot.” Changkyun replies. He maintains his deadpan stare for another moment, before bursting into a smile. “Damnit, I missed you.”

“Of course you did,” Minhyuk teases. “I’m your favourite.”

“You know I collaborated with Kim Mingyu the other day? We’re great friends but he’s such an idiot. We had the video filmed and everything but then he said he forgot to bring his laptop to edit it. So we had to travel all the way back to his apartment to edit the video. It took us four hours total.” Changkyun huffs. “I hate to admit it, but compared to him, you’re not actually that bad.”

Minhyuk snickers. “I love that kid. His videos with Jeon Wonwoo are the best though.”

Changkyun nudges him in the shoulder. “Yeah but now that I’m officially a part of the South Korean YouTube community, you have to introduce me to everyone. I only know you, as of now.”

“Wait, I have an idea! We should take a pic and post it on Twitter. Then, all my mutuals will see you.” Minhyuk says excitedly.

“You’re a social media addict,” Changkyun says disapprovingly, but holds up a peace sign obligingly for the camera.

# ✖

_aka-minhyukuuu uploaded a photo.  
“finally met my bestest bro @IMwhatiam after a long flight from boston to sk!! he looks like a puppy irl – is it just me who wants to pet him?_

_@aka-minhyukuuu please don’t pet me I’ll bite your hand off ‘bestest bro’ or not_

_@IMwhatiam oh come on kkungkkie… u know u love me :p_

# ✖

 

Changkyun takes a few days to settle into South Korea. He buys the local food, get acquainted with his new surroundings and even goes sightseeing with Minhyuk for his daily vlogs. He was worried about homesickness but being surrounded by Minhyuk’s constant energy turns out to be a good thing as it gives him a bubble of normalcy, hanging out with his best friend.

It takes him three days to find Monsta X, South Korea’s newest boy group. It takes him less than one day to listen to all their songs, marathon their entire survival show and become what most would consider a _fanboy_.

He tries to hide it from Minhyuk, but for all his cute puppy-like qualities, his best friend is like a _bloodhound_ whenever he senses Changkyun is hiding something. One day, he comes home to his apartment, to see Changkyun scrolling through pictures of Lee Jooehon on Tumblr and he hasn’t let it go since then.

He makes fun of Changkyun, sure, but he got his payback by getting Minhyuk to watch NO.MERCY with him – and laughing quietly when Minhyuk started crying after the first few eliminations.

Minhyuk makes his new love for Monsta X apparent in all his videos – his reaction videos now include all of Monsta X’s music videos (Trespass and Rush, so far) and his vlogs contain Monsta X as background music.

Changkyun, however, doesn’t want to reveal that he’s gotten _that_ into Monsta X yet. For some reason, he feels embarrassed that he became such a huge fan in only a matter of days. He likes hip-hop and rap in general, but there’s something about Monsta X’s music that really gets him hooked – especially their rapper, Lee Jooheon.

He raps with so much _passion_ , even in pre-debut days and during NO.MERCY, he took whatever lyrics he’d composed, and spat out _fire_. Changkyun, who does rap covers, can’t help but admire him. _It’s not a crush, whatever Minhyuk says,_ he tells himself, _I just really look up to him as a rapper._

It’s what he continues telling himself, even as he’s scrolling through fantaken pictures on Twitter, which have nothing to do with Jooheon rapping.

 

# ✖

 

That is, until the day Minhyuk walks in on him composing his own rap lyrics to Monsta X’s new song, Hero.

“Oh my god… That’s not – is it?” Minhyuk breathes, eyes wide, tripping over his own feet as he scrambles closer to get a look at Changkyun’s screen.

Changkyun quickly slams the laptop shut, cutting off the audio. “Uh… no?”

“It is! It’s Monsta X’s Hero! Are you finally doing a Monsta X cover?” Minhyuk bobs his head in excitement, shaking Changkyun’s shoulders.

“No, it’s just stuff I’m working on. I don’t intend on posting it.” Changkyun shakes him off, but pats his shoulder when Minhyuk pouts in response.

“Why not? It sounded good.” Minhyuk says.

“I don’t know… I just don’t feel comfortable, I guess,” Changkyun replies hesitantly. “It doesn’t feel good enough.”

“But Changkyun, you’re so talented, anything you create will be good!” Minhyuk raises his hand to shush him when he opens his mouth to protest. “No, wait, listen. I didn’t want to tell you, but I could hear you working on that song through the walls of our apartment for the past two days.” Ignoring the sudden flush in Changkyun’s cheeks, he continues.

“It’s _good_ , it’s _really_ good. You’re worried that fans of Monsta X won’t like it, right? That’s why you feel so pressured. But how do you know whether they’d like it or not, until you post it? Remember what I told you when I first convinced you to start a YouTube channel?” Minhyuk says gently.

“You said ‘fuck those Boston kids’…” Changkyun mumbles.

“Besides that.”

“Okay, hyung, I get it. Thanks.” Changkun lets out a breath, then smiles tentatively at Minhyuk. “I’ll upload it today. But if I get hate, you’re treating me to ice cream, okay?”

Laughing, Minhyuk ruffles his hair affectionately. “Of course.”

 

# ✖

 

Changkyun waits until night time to upload the video, out of some strange notion that if he uploads the video quickly and then goes to sleep immediately, he won’t see the results of his upload.

The video has been edited and left to sit in his folder since the afternoon, but his cursor hovers over the ‘Upload’ button and refuses to click.

He thinks about Boston, how different he was just a year ago, the words Minhyuk had said to him back then. It takes a few minutes, but he steels himself.

He clicks ‘Upload’.

#    
✖

 

**_Twitter:_ **

_@IMwhatiam uploaded a new video._

_“hey everyone, I’ve been experimenting lately and created a rap for monsta x’s hero. check them out – they’re really good :) hope you all enjoy!_

**_YouTube Recommended:_ **

_HERO (MONSTA X RAP COVER) – IMwhatiam_

_Uploaded 23 minutes ago._

Jooheon stares, wide-eyed at the iPad screen. _There’s no way,_ he thinks, _No fucking way._ Even as he’s scrambling for headphones and jamming them into the device, even as he’s clicking on the video, his mind keeps screaming _holy shit there is no way I.M actually covered a monsta x song –_

But he did. He did and it was _amazing_.

Jooheon lies in bed, allows the sound of I.M’s deep and borderline husky voice wash over him. His heart pounds in his chest at the sound of I.M’s voice _actually rapping to their song. His song._

He replays the part that I.M inserted himself into, right after the first chorus of Hero, and wonders what it would be like to rap with I.M on stage.

He’s never seen I.M’s face when he raps during his videos, because he always wears a mask. But he knows, just from the sound of raw energy in his voice, that it would be _fucking incredible._

 

# ✖

While he’s fast asleep, Changkyun’s phone lights up with notifications.

_leehoney and 132 others liked your tweet._


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not even gonna lie Changkyun is the literal definition of this meme in this chapter:
> 
> lee jooheon? what a problematic asshole i hate him i- *trips* *thousands of pictures of lee jooheon's dimples, thighs, face spill from pockets* fuck those aren’t mine i swear i’m just holding them for a friend i- *slips on a pile of pictures* fu ck no they’re not mine i hate him i just- *more pictures fall out as i fall to my knees, desperately trying to pick them up* hang on a sec jUst LISTEN 
> 
> oh changkyun. why are you so young and blind.

 

_@IMwhatiam OMG OMG OMG MY FAVE COVERED MY FAVES??? #LEGEND #IMbiased #IMwithMX_

_@IMwhatiam DUDE. YOUR VOICE IS SO SEXY AND FITS MX SO WELL WTF?? CAN YOU COVER TRESPASS TOO YOUR VOICE WOULD BE SO SO GOOD #IMwithMX_

_@IMwhatiam I’M CRYING THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE MX’S RUSH CHOREO. #bless up #IMwithMX_

_@IMwhatiam WHY AREN’T YOU ALREADY IN MONSTA X JESUS CHRIST #IMshouldbeinMX #IMwithMX_

_@OfficialMonstaX OT5 I LOVE YOU BUT I.M JUST SLAYED MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE YALL ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE SUCH A TALENTED FANBOY @IMwhatiam #IMwithMX_

_@OfficialMonstaX LOOK. @IMwhatiam JUST DID A COVER OF HERO AND ITS AMAZING LOVE YOURSELVES AND LISTEN TO IT <333 #IMwithMX _

_@OfficialMonstaX Y’ALL ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE AN AMAZING FANBOY WHO CAN RAP LIKE HELL AND IS SO CUTE TOO_ ٩(♡ε♡)۶ _#IMwithMX_

Woken by the incessant vibrations of his phone due to the notifications popping up, Changkyun rubs his eyes, blinking blearily at the screen. As he reads more and more of similar tweets full of praise, shock slowly seeps into his mind. _There’s no way this is real… right? This is just some kind of weird dream?_

But it’s not, he realises, when the notifications praising his voice, his looks and _even his accent when rapping in English_ keep pouring in. It’s surreal – he had expected hate when uploading the video, but his cover of Hero was actually blowing up, gaining twice the number of views he normally does.

“What the fuck,” he mumbles.

Some of the tweets are even from people who haven’t heard of Monsta X before his cover.  


_@IMwhatiam omg I’ve never listened to monsta x before but your cover was so good I’ll give them a shot!! Thank you for the recommendation~ #IMwithMX_

_@IMwhatiam RAPPING ON POINT. I don’t usually listen to kpop but that shit was LIT ._ _daamnn_ _you got me convinced to check monsta x out! #IMwithMX #getthatrapIM_

_BRAH BRUH BRAHHH. I’M SPEECHLESS. You can rap in English AND Korean too?? Check out my talented af bro @IMwhatiam #IMwithMX #BAWSE_

  
It makes him ridiculously happy, reading these tweets. It’s dumb but it feels like he’s helping Monsta X gain more attention – it feels good to help them, even a little bit. That last tweet makes him smile even wider, coming from a youtuber he’d made friends with when he was living in America. Considering her popularity, it’s no doubt many of the additional views he’s receiving are due to her promo of his cover.

He scrolls for a few more minutes, drinking in the praise and enthusiasm from his followers, working out how he could possibly summarise his gratefulness at their support in only 140 characters.

_wow. I still can’t believe how much praise this cover has gotten?? I was half expecting hate lmao… rly grateful for the love and support! let me know if you want to hear more mx covers #thankyou #stillconfusedtbh #butloveyouall_

Dropping his phone onto the bed, Changkyun lays back onto his pillow and allows his eyes to close, giving them a rest after staring at the bright screen for so long.

 _Holy shit_. He still can’t quite wrap his head around the fact that people actually like, or even _love_ his cover of Monsta X. The group themselves are so talented he has no idea why people would even want to hear a cover of it.

Still, he’s infinitely glad he’d uploaded that cover. At least now, he can be a Monsta X fan without feeling the need to hide it.

His phone vibrates. He raises an eyebrow, because _didn’t he just turn off all notifications for retweets and likes?_ He swipes a thumb across the screen, unlocking it, to discover a new DM from a user he hasn’t spoken to before.

 _leehoney?_ The username looks vaguely familiar. Someone he’s seen liking his tweets but never spoken to personally, probably. Curiosity piqued, he opens the message.

 

**From: leehoney**

_Hey I saw your cover of MX’s Hero and it’s really amazing!! Your voice suits the song so well but it’s not only that – your composition of the background track is really cool and the rap itself flows so well too! I also really like the lyrics you wrote for your cover… it adds so much to the original man. It’s so cool having a fan like you among monbebes :) I’m into rap myself too so I was wondering how you get the inspiration to write and rap so well?_

 

Changkyun doesn’t blush easily, he thinks, but he can feel a definite warmth after reading that message. He gets comments gushing about his voice and his looks often enough, but it’s not common that he receives a message praising his rap in such a detailed way. Smiling goofily, he taps out a response:

**From: IMwhatiam**

_hey! Thank you so much for the praise man, it really means a lot :) as for inspiration… I really don’t know haha? I just practice rap a lot in my free time and write whenever I ‘feel’ I have an idea I guess. But if there’s a rapper I really look up to and ‘inspires’ me – it’s corny considering I just did a cover of mx – but it’d definitely be lee jooheon. I mean, he’s just so passionate about rap and it makes me feel I should work harder too, yknow? Judging from your user, I guess you’re jooheon-biased too haha?_

 

Hoping he doesn’t sound _too_ much like a fanboy in his reply, he taps ‘send’ before switching his phone off again and finally going back to sleep.

With the lack of classes he has the next day, he fully intends to sleep right until noon and then some, if he can get away with it.

 

✖

 

“Hello?” Changkyun grumbles into the phone, gravelly and hoarse, cursing the annoying dick that decided waking him at 9am on a day with no classes would be a good idea.

_“LIM CHANGKYUN, YOU GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW. I AM SCREAMING AND YOU NEED TO HEAR IT.”_

Yep. The annoying dick, that’s definitely Minhyuk. He should have known.

_“I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE IN THE SHOWER OR TAKING A SHIT, COME TO THE STARBUCKS NEAR OUR APARTMENT IN TEN MINUTES OR I’M TELLING JACKSON WANG YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON JOOHEON.”_

Shit. Cursing his past idiotic self who befriended Minhyuk in the first place, Changkyun scrambles out of bed.

 

✖

 

“So… this is Changkyun, the one who has a crush on Lee Jooheon?” Jackson Wang says, giving Changkyun a borderline creepy once-over.

Changkyun slides into the booth and shoots Minhyuk a dirty look. “I got here in nine minutes, hyung. You said to get here in _ten_.”

Minhyuk rests his chin on his hands and says in a placating tone, “Well. I said I wouldn’t tell _Jackson_ if you got here in ten. You got here in nine, so I told everyone at this table instead.”

Changkyun groans, burying his face into his jacket sleeves. “It’s too early in the morning for your bullshit, hyung.” Chuckles come from several people at the table. Most are unfamiliar – but he recognises a few youtubers. Namely, Jackson Wang, who is notorious for pranks and funny videos, and Kim Seokjin, who does cooking videos.

Apparently, because Changkyun is ‘new to the South Korean youtuber scene’, Minhyuk decided to take it upon himself to introduce him to a few of his youtuber friends. They take turns to introduce themselves.

There’s Jackson Wang, Kim Seokjin (“Call me Jin!”), Kim Namjoon (holy _shit_ , he can’t believe he’s meeting freaking _Rap Monster_ ) and Jeon Jungkook, a gamer who Changkyun has met briefly, during a youtube event in LA.

It’s a little overwhelming to meet so many people at once, especially those with a _ton_ more subscribers than him, but all of them are welcoming and friendly, which makes him feel a lot better about the move to South Korea.

“Okay, now that the customary shit is out of the way… Lim Changkyun, _did you check your twitter in the morning?_ ” Minhyuk asks excitedly.

“Yeah. I was pretty shocked. I didn’t expect it so many people to like it –” Changkyun rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

“What? No, not that. I already knew that cover would do well.” Minhyuk waves a hand dismissively. “More importantly, have you seen _this?_ ”

Minhyuk shoves the phone in his face, so aggressive that Changkyun automatically flinches away from him. “What the – ”

And then he sees.

_Oh god._

“ _Rapline?_ ” He shrieks, nearly knocking over Namjoon’s glass of water with a flailing arm. Jackson sniggers, but he hardly pays any notice.

On the screen, is a picture of him and Jooheon – which is _impossible_ , because he’s never met Jooheon in his entire life. The picture has been photoshopped, but done so well that it looks like part of a Monsta X album shoot. _What the fuck_ … Changkyun thinks numbly.

The tweet was posted last night, about half an hour after he posted the cover. _That’s like, 3am? Don’t people have better things to do with their time?_ Changkyun thinks disbelievingly. Even worse, the tweet has hundreds of likes and retweets, many of his own followers replying with comments like “ _omg I ship it!!!”_ or “ _I could have been shipping #jookyun for so long wHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE??”_

“Changkyun, my baby fledgling Monsta X fan, don’t you get it?” Minhyuk clutches Changkyun’s hand dramatically. “The fandom _ships it_. They ship _you and Jooheon_.”

Changkyun sinks in his seat. Never has he ever felt more like sinking into the ground, or possibly below that, into his grave.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” He mutters, lowering his chin into his jacket, such that his face is nuzzled into the collar of his jacket.

“I know!” Minhyuk waves the phone around enthusiastically. “Jooheon might even see it!”

 _What?_ “Shit – he _can’t_ see it Minhyuk! I’d rather let _you_ cook in my kitchen and potentially blow it up then have _Lee Jooheon_ see that he’s being shipped with me!” Changkyun exclaims, panicking.

Minhyuk pouts. “First of all – it was _one time_. And that was only the toaster! Secondly, what’s the problem? If he sees it, he’ll _finally_ notice you, like you’ve been wanting this whole time while you’ve been pining after him!”

“ _P-pining?”_ Changkyun sputters. “I haven’t been _pining_.”

“You listen to his raps every day. You call him your inspiration and listen to his raps before writing your own.”

“He's an amazing rapper, okay? What's wrong with listening to his raps a few times?” Changkyun says indignantly.

“Um… _jooheonsthighs.tumblr.com_? I don't see you appreciating his ‘amazing rap skills’ over there.” Minhyuk says, placing a fist under his chin in mock curiosity.

Changkyun flushes. “I think he's good looking okay, so what? I have _eyes_ , don't I? If he looks good, what's wrong with looking? And also _how did you know about my blog?_ ”

Minhyuk waves a hand casually. “You forgot to log out last week. By the way, I really like that edit you posted of Jooheon lying down, with his ass facing right –“

“Shut up!” Changkyun whispers furiously. “I was just messing around with photoshop okay and that was the first picture that came up on my dash –“

Minhyuk sighs dramatically and pats his head patronisingly, swapping a look with Seokjin that reads something like _look at my poor, sweet summer child._ Changkyun has to physically restrain the urge to hiss at him like an angry cat.

“It's okay, Changkyun. None of us will judge you for it, you know that right?” Minhyuk says.

“Yeah, not that Jungkook has any right to judge. He keeps pictures of Park Jimin under his pillow.” Seokjin snickers, deftly avoiding a kick from Jungkook under the table.

Changkyun sighs. “Look okay, _I_ don't even know how I feel. First off, I've never met him and secondly, he’s an _idol_. I could never compare to him.”

Unexpectedly, it's Namjoon – _Rap Monster_ , his brain supplies helpfully – who speaks up. “Changkyun, you know that's not true right? I mean, I've just met you but I've followed your covers for a while and dude. You're amazing.”

Unable to reply, Changkyun ducks his head, hoping frantically that Namjoon can't see the internal screaming going on in his brain because _Rap Monster likes his covers?? What._

“Aww,” Minhyuk pokes his cheek. “Kkukkungie is shy! He thinks you're amazing too, by the way.”

Changkyun flicks Minhyuk’s arm resentfully, but doesn't deny it, drawing a smile to Namjoon’s face.

“But anyway, I doubt Jooheon would ever notice me. There are too many fans out there and he's really busy. It's okay though, I'm happy to admire his skills from afar – as long as he and the rest of Monsta X are happy and healthy.” Changkyun shrugs. He admits that maybe he likes Jooheon for a little more than _just_ his rapping, but that doesn't mean he intends to become some crazy sasaeng fan who's desperate to grab his attention. “Supporting them quietly from the sidelines like any other fan is enough for me.”

A silence settles over the table. Even Seokjin stops chewing. It stretches a little too long, causing Changkyun to wonder if he said something wrong –

“What the fuck,” Seokjin finally swallows and slaps a palm to his temple. “There's actually someone _more vanilla than Jungkook?_ ”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?” Changkyun frowns quizzically.

“I told you.” Minhyuk says smugly. “He looks mature for a 20 year old but he has the emotional awareness of a piece of wilted lettuce.”

“Hey!” Changkyun says, offended. “What am I supposed to do, somehow convince him to fuck me?”

“…Yes.” Minhyuk deadpans, then watches impassively as Changkyun chokes on air, making frantic _no, what the hell?_ gestures with his hands.

Minhyuk sighs again. “Honestly, Kkukkung. I think that if you just gave the idea a chance, it could work.” His gaze softens, and Changkyun is reminded of a similar scene, just a year ago, in a dingy bathroom in Boston. “But it's up to you to take the risk.”

Changkyun swallows. “Okay, hyung.”

Conversation resumes as per normal at their table. Jungkook starts talking about some small gaming channel who created a diss track about _kookieplays_ , which Jungkook actually found funny and is considering promoting on his Twitter.

Jungkook’s story is entertaining but Changkyun finds himself tuning out, distracted by the constant buzzing of his phone and the one word that keeps appearing in the tags.

 

✖

 

It's at the end of the day, when Changkyun finally receives a reply from _leehoney_.

**From: leehoney**

_You really think so highly of him?_

 

Changkyun frowns. It's kind of a weird response, coming from someone who is presumably Jooheon-biased.

 

**From: IMwhatiam**

_You don't?_

 

**From: leehoney**

_No no it's not that! It's just that… I thought someone like you would have a different idol in mind, since Jooheon is from a rookie group._

 

**From: IMwhatiam**

_Well, sure I have a lot of rappers I look up to other than Jooheon. Sam E, Zico, Dok2, Keith Ape, Simon D, etc. But Jooheon really stands out to me. It's cheesy but I was blown away by his rap right from NO. MERCY. And I've just been following him since then, I guess._

 

**From: leehoney**

_Wow… It's really cool to have monbebe like you who appreciate the members so much :oo Uh idk if it's weird to ask… but I mentioned earlier than I'm into rap too and was wondering if I could send you lyrics or tracks sometime? I always feel like I need a second opinion but I’m not close to anyone else who's into rap and don't know who to turn to… No pressure though! I'm sure you're really busy. Only if you've got some spare time._

 

Someone wanting to consult him on rap lyrics? It's actually so flattering, Changkyun is floored. He doesn't see himself as a professional by a long shot, but he knows how it feels to feel unsure if your work is ever good enough. The hundreds of unfinished drafts left to gather dust in his WIP folder on his laptop is proof enough. His help can't do much harm, he figures.

 

**From: IMwhatiam**

_Of course, any time man. Two heads is better than one right? I'll have to ask that you return the favour though_

 

**From: leehoney**

_Thank you! Seriously, you have no idea but this means a lot. And wow, uh, I don't know how much help I'll be but I swear I'll try._

 

Changkyun switches his phone off. In the reflection of his phone screen, he catches a soft smile resting on his lips.  

 

✖

 

He doesn't expect leehoney’s requests to come so immediately, but he isn't put off by it either. He's pleasantly surprised to find that _leehoney_ , whoever he is, is actually really talented. He doesn't even have to sugarcoat anything when he sends back his feedback, full of praise, only tweaking minor things like selection of words that could affect flow of the rap.

In return, he sends a rap he's working on. It's for Monsta X’s Trespass, he confides. Although it's only been a few days of working together, he feels a sense of trust with _leehoney_ and even admits to him that he's a little worried about posting Monsta X covers, mostly due to the reaction of the fans and the possibility that Monsta X might actually see it.

 _leehoney_ completely disagrees, however, insisting that the fans will love it and that even Monsta X themselves will love it if they listen to his cover.

Changkyun would be inclined not to believe him, but the absolute sincerity and conviction in his words sways him. That, and the brutally honest feedback he received for the first draft of his Trespass rap proves that _leehoney_ really knows rap.

He releases _Trespass_ and it gets as much praise as _leehoney_ swore it would. (“ _I fucking told you I.M your cover is amazing and the world needed to hear it”)_ They scream excitedly over Twitter DMs together and eventually move the conversation over to Kakaotalk, just so that Changkyun can spam crying puppy stickers while _leehoney_ floods him back with happy bee stickers.

It's a good partnership they have going, Changkyun thinks one night when Lee sends him a steam of seemingly drunken texts – consisting of messages like:

_I.M did u know ur the best ur literally the best tysm for being born_

(and)

 _do u ever just cry?? because snakes_?? _Domt have legs?? does anyone even realise that_

Smiling to himself in the dark, Changkyun thinks he's infinitely glad that Lee decided to message him and become friends.

 

✖

 

“So, Jooheon, are there any difficulties with your position in the group?”

“Ah… I'm the maknae but my hyungs all treat me well so I'm fine with that. But sometimes I do have trouble with writing my raps because I'm the only rapper in the group. I always overcome it though. I tell myself Monsta X needs me to do this, so I try to finish it quickly and well.”

“Oh how do you do that?”

_Pause._

“I have good friends outside the group who I can rely on.”


	3. chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> internet friends are super cute i love this trope

**I.M [3:02am]**

lee… it's 3am in the morning. go to sleep.

**Lee [3:02am]**

been working on this rap for three hours and still cant finish it _(sighing emoji)_ hOW THE FUCK DO YOU PUMP OUT 2 NEW RAPS IN ONE WEEK

**I.M [3:03am]**

lol

it's just one of those nights. don't get stuck on it, sometimes inspiration just dries up for no reason. best thing you could do right now is so go to sleep.

**Lee [3:03am]**

yeah. yea ur right.

**I.M [3:04am]**

as usual :) you better go to sleep now before I come over and fight you

**Lee [3:04am]**

not like u know where I live

how will u know if I rebel?

**I.M [3:05am]**

I have my ways :-)

**Lee [3:05am]**

creep im calling the police

**I.M [3:05am]**

you wouldn't ~ I'm your favourite dongsaeng after all

**Lee [3:06am]**

…

im going to sleep

(u can stop nagging me to sleep over kkt now)

**I.M [3:06am]**

haha same. got an early class tmr and don't want to fall asleep 2 seconds into the lecture. mr kim is kind of a dick lol

**Lee [3:07am]**

oh damn that sucks

good luck for tmr! ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

**I.M [3:08am]**

thanks, you too! hopefully you don't have another crazy work schedule tmr…?

**Lee [3:08am]**

no luck ㅠㅠ gotta wake up at 5 again tmr

**I.M [3:08am]**

ouch. being a barista is hard work!

anyway, you better rest now. night <3

**Lee [3:08am]**

gdnight <3

 

✖

 

It's been about a month since he started talking to _leehoney_ , or Lee, as Changkyun has saved him as in his contacts and they've fallen into a steady pattern of texting each other – even about things completely unrelated to rap.

 

Most of the time, actually, about things unrelated to rap. Changkyun, now bolstered by the strong sense of familiarity he has with Lee, has no qualms about complaining about his mountains  of coursework and dickish lecturers. Lee, in return, complains about his job as a barista, about the crazy work hours and his crazier colleagues ( _apparently someone called Hoseok had once gotten splashed with a drink, and then ran around the cafe, screaming at a pitch high enough to make any girl group proud)._

 

**Lee [10:21am]**

hey im on break now but im totally tired out from morning shift. gonna take a nap but still want to talk to u before break is over… wake me in 20min?

**I.M [10.21am]**

I got you. sleep well ~

**Lee [10.21am]**

<3

 

A soft smile curves the edges of his lips as he sees the little ‘<3’ sent from Lee. He shakes his head fondly, reading over his first message again. _Lee gets like 0 rest, it's good he's taking a nap for once._

“Hey!” Minhyuk eager grin appears in front of his face as he pushes Changkyun’s phone away and his eyes curve into a mischievous expression. “Who’re you texting that has you smiling like that?”

 

Changkyun immediately pushes the smile down into a neutral expression. “Jungkook,” he lies.

 

Minhyuk gives him a completely unconvinced eye roll. “You'd never smile like that if it were _Jungkook_ texting you. That's a ‘oh my god I want to wake up in bed next to you’ smile.”

 

Changkyun pushes Minhyuk away from his face. “Oh my god, _no._ It's just a friend!”

 

“ _Just a friend.”_ Minhyuk mocks. “No one looks at their _friend_ ’s messages like that, Kkukkung.”

 

Changkyun smacks him. “It's not like that! It's just some guy I talk about rap with. He sends me his stuff for advice and… vice versa.”

 

Minhyuk looks at him oddly. “You send him your unfinished raps? _Wow_ , you must really be in love.”

 

Changkyun shoots him a withering look. “I'm not editing your Vlog #178 for you anymore, asshole.”

 

Minhyuk backs up, hands help up in the universal _whoa, calm down_ gesture. “I'm not judging! I did tell you to get some. Just saying though, I expected Jooheon but I guess this ‘friend’ has got my approval too –“

 

“ _Minhyuk!”_

He only gets a bout of self-satisfied laughter in return, as Minhyuk slings an arm over his shoulder and they head to class together.

 

✖

 

“And that’s a wrap! Special shoutout to I.M for joining us today - I'll put all his social media links down below so be sure to check him out! He's not a gamer but he does raps and covers of korean _and_ english songs and he's really cool. Thanks for playing with me today, man.”

 

“Playing with you? You just brought me on here to _crush_ me so you'd look cool in front of your subscribers.” Changkyun teases, poking the younger’s cheek.

 

“It's not my fault you died in every round, hyung.” Jungkook tries not to laugh but the tremor in his voice gives it away. “Some people just aren't cut out for it.”

 

“ _I am what I am,_ man.” Changkyun replies somewhat reluctantly. “If I tried to be a professional gamer on YouTube, I'd be broke by now. So kudos to you, Kookie.”

 

Jungkook grins at the nickname, showing off his signature bunny teeth. Changkyun sighs internally. No matter how obnoxious he is, Changkyun can't deny the obvious – he’s still adorable.

 

“Brat,” he mutters fondly. Jungkook laughs again and finally ends the video with, “So if you enjoyed this video, be sure to hit the like button and if you'd like to see I.M collab with me again, tell me in the comments below! Just kidding, he’ll be here whether you like it or not. Later!”

 

Jungkook stops the recording and gets up to stretch, the smile still lingering on his face.

 

“Well, that was really fucking intense.” Changkyun says, with a sense of wonder in his voice. “I don't know how you keep up a gaming channel with posts every two days.”

 

Jungkook laughs. “I'm a professional. Collab with me again next week?”

 

“ _Hell_ no. Ask me again when my heart as recovered from the stress. I'm too old for this, maknae.” Changkyun wrinkles his nose.

 

“But hyuuuung,” Jungkook pouts. _That bastard knows it's everyone’s weakness,_ Changkyun thinks.

“Okay fine. The week after.”

 

“Yes! But can we at least take a pic for my twitter?” He pleads.

 

“Sure,” Changkyun says, a smile sliding onto his face easily as he shifts closer to Jungkook to get into the frame.

 

Jungkook sticks his tongue out playfully and Changkyun does the same, tilting his face away with a disgusted expression.

 

(Jungkook protests because _it makes me look like I'm forcing you to be friends with me!!_ but Changkyun thinks it's hilarious so they post it on Twitter anyway.)

 

✖

 

_i_ _mwhatiam retweeted a photo!_

Instinctively, Jooheon slides a finger across the screen, like he always does whenever he sees I.M’s name pop up in his notifications.

 

His phone unlocks and a picture pops out onto his screen. It's I.M, of course but he's not posing alone in the selca. The kid next to him – seriously, he’s what, sixteen? – has got an arm thrown over I.M’s shoulder and his tongue sticking out, his whole face beaming. I.M, on the other hand, is straining as far away from the kid as he possibly can, his tongue sticking out with a disgusted expression, but it's obviously meant to be playful.

 

_Huh._ He skims over the caption and I.M’s reply.

_@imwhatiam_ don't let your salt get you down! It was fun collabing with you today hyung ~ come over again next week!!

@ _kookieplays I came over to have a good time, not to have my ass kicked by a 19 year old kookie..._

Jooheon sits back and studies the picture. A strange, prickling feeling settles over him. Judging by the photo, I.M and this “kookie” must be quite close... not to mention the use of the cute nickname.

 

Unable to stop his own curiosity, Jooheon quickly fires off a message to I.M before he can regret it.

 

**Lee [3:04pm]**

hey whos that guy you just posted a pic with? a youtuber friend?

**I.M [3:14pm]**

you don't know jungkook? he's kookieplays on youtube, a gaming channel. he plays a shit ton of overwatch

**Lee [3:15pm]**

ohh well that explains why I don't know him. im not really interested in overwatch haha plus with my insane work schedule I don't have much time to watch vids :p

 

**I.M [3:15pm]**

_!!!!!_

_YOU_

_DON’T_

_LIKE_

_OVERWATCH???_

_IM DISOWNING YOU LEE YOURE NO LONGER WELCOME IN MY HOUSE_

**Lee [3:16pm]**

I've never even been to your house??? _AND YOU ACT LIKE I JUST TOLD YOU I MURDERED THREE PUPPIES AND A BABY WHATS WRONG WITH NOT LIKING OVERWATCH_

**I.M [3:16pm]**

  1. Are never, ever, ever getting back together.



 

**Lee [3:17pm]**

can u stop using taylor swift lyrics to express ur disappointment in me

**I.M [3:17pm]**

...fine. but I'm forcing you to play overwatch with me if we ever meet, no excuses

 

**Lee [3:18pm]**

deal

 

**I.M [3:19pm]**

wait didn't you say your friend (gihyun?) also plays overwatch

get him to teach you!!

 

**Lee [3:20pm]**

nah gi is super busy (same workplace as me remember?) if I pestered him with this he’d probably flick my forehead and tell me to focus on work :(

 

**I.M [3:20pm]**

aw I guess you'll just have to wait for me to teach you then haha ~

 

There are no more messages from I.M after that. He's busy, Jooheon guesses, but he can't help but feel disappointed once his screen stops lighting up with I.M’s name.

 

He reads I.M’s last message again. They do that a lot – joke about kicking each other when they meet up, the things they’ll do or the food they'll eat. Yet, they've never breached the subject of actually making plans to meet up.

 

It's probably because they're both extremely busy. But it's also because Jooheon honestly doesn't know how he could ever reveal to I.M that _he's_ Lee Jooheon, one of I.M’s apparent idols - _he's still confused by this? How is he_ I.M’s _idol, he’ll never understand._ Besides that, it would make things too awkward. He likes the way things are now, the familiar and comfortable friendship they share. Supporting each other, helping each other with raps; he doesn't know _how_ he’d ever pulled through writing block without I.M’s gentle yet firm coaxing.

 

Hell, I.M doesn't even call him _hyung_. They're on first name – okay _fake_ first name basis – but it still counts! He doesn't want to wreck the precious friendship he has with I.M.

 

Yeah, he's been satisfied being online friends all this while. _No reason to push it further,_ he tells himself.

 

✖

 

I.M’s fingers twitch with excitement as they hover over the ‘refresh’ button. He's seen it on Twitter, from the official Monsta X account themselves, fans kicking themselves in a frenzy of excitement. He inches closer and closer to the screen, as the clock ticks, painfully slowly, towards midnight.

 

Just a few more seconds til’ midnight. 10 – 9 – 8 –

 

“Changkyun!” Minhyuk bursts into the room with a clatter of sound as he knocks a jar of sweets to the floor. Changkyun cringes and reluctantly turns away from his laptop to face him.

 

“I can practically _sense_ your fanboying from outside.” Minhyuk complains. “If you're going to hole yourself up in here to watch them, at least invite me!”

 

But Minhyuk’s voice fades into nothing when Changkyun sees the clock reads 12:01. Hastily, he clicks the refresh button, biting his lip in anticipation and –

 

“It's out!” He yells triumphantly. Instantly, his irritation forgotten, Minhyuk dives towards his seat and they wrestle to claim space on the chair, until they eventually decide to share it.

 

**[MONSTA X – FIGHTER (teaser)] (** _1 min ago)_

They watch they teaser with unblinking eyes, tension only escaping the room once the video ends.

 

“Wow.” Minhyuk says.

 

“Yeah.” They let the silence lapse for a few more seconds before Minhyuk bursts into excitement.

 

“Oh my god, Changkyun do you know what this means? This means more teaser photos, promotions, fan signs and maybe even a tour!” Minhyuk declares, eyes shining. “We might even get to meet them!”

 

Changkyun, already thinking about all the details of the teaser to rant to Lee about, grins. “Hell yes.”


	4. chapter four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! sorry for the long wait, I try to write every other day but sometimes I'm not satisfied with what I'm writing and end up deleting everything haha ;;; there are about 4 different ways this chapter could have turned out actually :') but thank you for all the kudos and comments!! they really keep me going <3

**I.M [12:00am]**

DID YOU SEE

THE MV DROPPED AND THE TITLE TRACK IM CRYING IT SOUNDS EVEN BETTER THAN IT DID IN THE TEASER ??

ITS FUCKING LIT

I COULD LISTEN TO THIS SONG ALL DAY AND POWER THROUGH ANYTBJNG EVEN THOSE SHITTY 3HR ECONS LESSONS

 

**I.M [12:10am]**

l e eee where arE you

don t leave me in my time of need

I need to talk about fighter nOW but my roommate is being unhelpful

I'm not sure if fighter destroyed what little brain cells he has left but he can't even form coherent sentences rn lol

he's just staring into space

oh well if he dies I'll take his mx photocards

…

!!! LEE

 

**Lee [12:12am]**

HAHAHAHA I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU THIS EXCITED  

holy shit you have more typos than me

maybe the world is ending and you won't have to submit that paper you haven't done since wednesday ??

 

**I.M [12:03am]**

The question is hOW are you so calm rn ??

 

**Lee [12:03am]**

are you kidding?? I'm not calm I was just so excited that I tired myself out lol

 

**I.M [12:04am]**

omg but did you see the track list

jooheon!! composed!! and wrote!! songs!!

I’m pumped man his raps are always so on point

he's so talented

 

**Lee [12:04am]**

haha I’m sure he has a lot of help tho

and you're talented too!!

 

**I.M [12:04am]**

HAH he's an idol no way I can measure with that lol

 

**Lee [12:05am]**

um?? Are you kidding

all your raps are fire you're literally my idol and you compose and write everything YOURSELF

how do you not see that as talent

 

**I.M [12:06am]**

I'm not as great as you say HAHA

but thanks :’)

 

**Lee [12:07am]**

yeah anyway listen to the tracks first then tell me what you think :)

 

Changkyun closes Twitter and switches his phone off, a warm feeling bubbling throughout his chest. Lee never hesitated to praise him and although it was embarrassing at times, he appreciated his friend for it. As an undiscovered rapper only famous on YouTube, genuine praise was hard to come by. Minhyuk and his fans did miles to boost his confidence, but praise meant all the more coming from a fellow rapper who really _understood_ his struggle.

 

Besides, Lee was as harsh with his feedback as any professional producer would be, so when the praise came from him, Changkyun knew it was sincere.

 

The ringing sound of an incoming call on Skype jolts him out of his thoughts. As soon as he accepts the call, Jackson’s grinning face fills the screen.

 

“Yo,” Changkyun says. Another box appears, and this time, Jungkook gives him a cheeky wave. Changkyun rolls his eyes at him, remembering his promise to collaborate with him again in the near future and regrets it in hindsight.

 

“So… the MVs are out…” Jackson says amusedly. “Is Minhyuk doing okay?”

 

The outraged screech coming from the thin walls beside him answers him before Changkyun even thinks of a reply. He snorts.

 

“Looks like Minhyuk decided to watch it again. And by again, I mean for the 6th time since its been out.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds just like Minhyuk-hyung.” Jungkook comments cheerily.

 

“You have no room to make fun of him, you Park Jimin fanboy.” Jackson points a finger at him accusingly. Jungkook blushes and looks down abruptly. Changkyun stifles a laugh. As cheeky as that brat was, he got shy whenever his Park Jimin was mentioned and it was pretty entertaining for everyone around to tease him with.

 

“Oh yeah, Changkyun, I was going to ask. Are you and Minhyuk going for YouTube Fanfest? It's in Seoul, after all.” Jackson asks.

 

Tearing open a bag of chips, Changkyun munches nonchalantly. “Yeah, I guess? I haven't asked him but we probably will.”

 

“Actually I'm surprised you're going, given that… you know?” Jungkook looks at him curiously.

 

“What?” Changkyun asks.

 

Jackson rolls his eyes. “Oh come on, Changkyun. I know that talking about your closeted obsession with Monsta X makes you shy or whatever, but you can't actually _not know_.” Seeing Changkyun squint in confusion, he sighs. “Monsta X is holding a fan sign in Seoul at the same time as Fanfest.”

_Oh._ Changkyun bites his lip hesitantly. “Actually, I did know. But…” he struggles to find the words to explain the strange sense of duty he felt towards his viewers. “I don't want to disappoint my subscribers. I've seen a lot of tweets asking me if I'm attending Fanfest in Seoul, since none of my Korean viewers have ever seen me in person before.”

 

Jackson coos adoringly, while Jungkook screws up his nose in mock disgust. “Aww Changkyun-ah, your sincerity really is cute.” Jackson grins.

 

“Cheesy,” Jungkook adds, but he smiles at him widely, showing that he understands too.

 

“Hey, what about that other Monsta X fan you're always talking to?” Jackson says suddenly, raising an eyebrow suggestively. “Is he going?”

 

Changkyun buries his face into his hands, groaning. “Stop listening to Minhyuk, Jackson. Don't make weird faces when talking about Lee. And I don't know, I haven't asked him yet.”

 

Despite brushing the question off nonchalantly, Changkyun tunes out for the rest of the conversation. The thought burns at him. _What if I asked him and he actually said yes? What if we actually had that chance to meet up?_

_But…_ Changkyun gnaws on his lips worriedly. _What if I meet Lee and it's not the same as I expected? I'm so much more awkward in person, he might not talk to me again after meeting the real me. He might decide he has better things to do with his time than help me with raps and hear me rant about class and –_

“- hello? Earth to Lim Changkyun?” Jackson waves his hand at the screen dramatically. Changkyun startles and jerks his eyes back to the screen. “Sorry,” he says. “Just tired, I guess.”

 

Jungkook snorts.

 

“Yeah well, we’ve both decided to go to sleep so we’re gonna end the call here. Night, Changkyun and don't dream too much about your boyfriend, okay?” Jackson sniggers.

 

Changkyun sharpens a glare at him, but says nothing, all but too used to Jackson’s teasing by now. “Bye, hyung,” he says, reaching out to end the call.

 

“Don't forget you owe me a drink for losing that round on my channel –“ Jungkook calls out, laughing just as the call ends.

 

Changkyun groans, silently resolving that no matter how much his subscribers begged for it, he would never place a bet with Jungkook again when it came to gaming.

 

✖

 

_imwhatiam tweeted a photo!_

**@kookieplays** remind me never to place bets with you again… yah look at this brat choosing the most expensive drink here for me to treat him

 **@imwhatiam** aww is hyung a sore loser

 **@kookieplays** i am OLDER than u kook… respect your elders or you might find your park jimin posters mysteriously set on fire…

 

Jooheon studies the photo intently. It's the same kid from before, “Kookie” as I.M calls him. He sighs. _The problem with youtubers is never knowing their real names unless they reveal it._

 

The two boys have their arms thrown around one another, but while “Kookie” is grinning widely, thrusting his huge drink towards the camera, I.M stands nearer to the back, pouting slightly while sipping his considerately smaller drink.

 

 _Pouting_. Jooheon thinks he feels a headache coming on. He's known to be the aegyo master of Monsta X but he's certain that if the media met I.M, his position wouldn't be so easily maintained. The way his mouth curves into a little pout and his eyes narrow themselves into a half-hearted glare… well, it’s definitely something.

 

As if sensing his presence, a notification alerts him that I.M has sent him a message.

 

**I.M [10:04pm]**

Lee are you around?

 

Shaking off the weird thoughts about his friend, Jooheon quickly rushes to reply.

 

**Lee [10:04pm]**

yea im here

 

**I.M [10:05pm]**

okay

so

you know Monsta X is gg be in seoul for a fansign right?

I was just wondering…

will you be there?

 

Immediately, the alarm bells start blaring in his head. Jooheon stares at the screen in shock. They've tiptoed around the topic of meeting up in real life before, but never so directly. And now I.M was asking…? There wasn't any other way he could interpret a question like that, was there?  

 

Jooheon taps the side of his phone anxiously as he thinks of how to reply. There’s no doubt he wants to be friends with I.M outside of the screen, but it isn’t that simple. He has no way of explaining that he is, in fact, Lee Jooheon without making it seem like he faked his whole identity throughout the duration of their friendship.

 

He has no idea how to meet I.M without having him probably end up hating him.

 

**I.M [10:07pm]**

Lee?

 

And this isn't  just anyone. It’s I.M, his partner in rap, his confidante, his _friend_. Jooheon hates feeling like a coward, but he really doesn’t want to screw this up. So with a heavy heart, he types.

 

**Lee [10:08pm]**

nah sorry man I really want to be there but I'm busy this week

 

**I.M [10:10pm]**

oh okay don't worry haha I'm not attending the fansign either! I was just asking

I guess both of us have unlucky timing huh

 

Subconsciously, Jooheon lets out a small breath of relief. He hadn't thought much of it before, but he’s glad that I.M won't be attending the fansign. He doesn't know how he'd handle having his friend look at him right in the eye and ask him for an autograph, seeing only an idol, a stranger.

 

His heart clenches painfully at the thought, and Jooheon doesn't know why.

 

✖

 

“Minhyuuuuk,” Changkyun whines. “Give me some of your drink.”

 

Ruffling Changkyun’s hair in an act that might look affectionate, but with the actual intent to mess up his already tousled hair, Minhyuk complains. “Wow Kkukkung, can't you wait till we get there? You really are a baby.”

 

“No,” Changkyun replies evenly. “That's Jungkook.”

 

Jungkook, for once, lets the comment slide. His face is glued to the window, gaze seemingly locked on the venue for YouTube Fanfest that is rapidly drawing nearer as they drive towards the destination.

 

“This is your first time attending Fanfest in Korea, right?” Minhyuk asks.

 

“Yeah. I'm kind of nervous but I don't think Korean viewers can get any wilder than what I've experienced overseas to be honest.” Changkyun says, fiddling with his fingers. “I just hope I don't lose subscribers once they see how awkward I am in real life.”

 

Minhyuk side-hugs him, poking him in the rib teasingly. “Don't worry Kyunie. It's cute. And besides, nothing matters as long as you have me, right? I'm the #1 I.M fan, after all.”

 

Changkyun shoves him lightly, scrunching up his nose at the cheesy statement. But he presses gently into Minhyuk’s embrace to show that he appreciates the sentiment.

 

Jungkook sighs dramatically. “This is very touching and all, friendship is magic blah blah blah, but could you two possibly save the PDA for later? The fact that I'm single and currently an entire ocean away from Park Jimin is getting more and more apparent.”

 

Changkyun laughs and Minhyuk sticks out a tongue at Jungkook childishly. “There's no need to be bitter and jealous over our love just because you're lonely, Kook.”

 

“Ew, as if I'd want to be involved in _that_. Anyway, if you haven't noticed,” Jungkook retorts. “We’re here.”

 

He's only been to a YouTube Convention once in his life but the sheer amount of people who show up continues to surprise him each time. There's a huge crowd milling about the entrance, all chattering excitedly and peering around to catch a glimpse of their favourite youtubers. Logically, Changkyun knows that most of them aren't here to see him - they're definitely here to see the bigger names like Rap Monster, EatJin or beautybaek. But the sight of the crowd makes him awed and giddy all the same.

 

The three of them quickly enter the building via the back entrance to escape any notice from the crowd outside. Entering the room he's been assigned to, he's relieved to see that the people he would be sharing a panel with are familiar faces. Minhyuk and Jungkook are with him of course; but there's also Jackson and his friend BamBam and finally, a newer youtuber named Jinjin.

 

Changkyun goes around to say hello, even striking up a conversation with Jinjin, who he has never met before. Apparently, Jinjin runs ASTRODAILY and does vlogs with his five crazy flatmates but also wants to be a rapper. It's surreal that Jinjin actually looks up to him as a rapper and wants his advice - he's never thought of himself as someone worthy of that kind of respect before. Still, it's nice, and Changkyun promises to answer whatever questions Jinjin has over KKT after the convention.

 

By the time Changkyun settled back in his seat, the room has been mostly filled. Yet, people are still flowing in. _Are there really_ this _many people interested in knowing about a few youtubers’ lives?_ He thinks, rather surprised.

But before he's allowed to dwell on that thought, the moderator hands Minhyuk a mic and their panel officially begins.

 

Minhyuk greets everyone cheerfully, his natural brightness energising the whole room. He explains that it’ll be a laid back session, more like a live Q&A and that time to take pics or signatures will be given after the Q&A.

 

Abruptly, he spins to face Changkyun. “I.M! All of you know I.M, right?” The room gives an appreciative cheer, making Changkyun blink in surprise at the warm and enthusiastic response.

 

“So I.M, what are your feelings towards Fanfest so far?” Minhyuk asks.

 

 _Uhhh…_ “Kind of nerve-wracking? Honestly, I never expected so many of you to show up… Um that's not a bad thing though! Thank you for showing your support,” he finishes awkwardly. The crowd cheers again, but this time with more laughs. Someone shouts out from the crowd “cute!” and Changkyun ducks his head behind his arms in embarrassment, eliciting another round of laughs.

 

Just like that, Fanfest starts off without a hitch. Changkyun feels his nerves and worries melt away gradually, once the first few ‘fans’ prove to be friendly and polite. After some time, he's loosened up enough to even joke with them and take cheeky selfies.

 

Q&A is the most fun though, in his opinion. Most of the questions are about their lives, like ‘where did Minhyuk and I.M meet?’ or ‘are you dating anyone?’ but a few questions stand out.

 

“Hi, I’m Yebin and this question is for Minhyuk and I.M. Both of you are Monbebes, right…?” Minhyuk lets loose an excited whoop at the mention of Monsta X. At his reaction, Yebin giggles and continues, “Who’s your bias in Monsta X?”

 

With no hesitation whatsoever, Minhyuk proudly declares, “Shin Hoseok AKA Wonho AKA the man who could step on my face and have me enjoy it .”

 

Changkyun chokes, as the rest of the room bursts into laughter.

 

“Um… for me…” Changkyun begins hesitantly. “I mean, all of Monsta X is really talented so I like all of them –“

 

Minhyuk makes a disbelieving noise. Jungkook rolls his eyes so hard Changkyun half-expects them to get stuck in that position. “Stop acting all shy like you don't know who your bias is, I.M. Your tumblr account has like _three thousand followers_ –“

 

Hurriedly, Changkyun cuts him off. “ _But_ , because I'm a rapper and all, I'd say my bias is, um, Jooheon?”

 

The room _erupts_ into screams. Someone, no, _several_ people stand up to yell “#RAPLINE”, eliciting an embarrassed yelp from Changkyun. Minhyuk watches the chaos unfold, cackling and yelling about how he's waited for this day all his life or something equally ridiculous. Literally _cackling_. Changkyun groans, burying his face into the jacket in front of him. _Why did I ever decide to be friends with Lee Minhyuk, AKA Satan himself, AKA my life’s greatest regret?_

Finally, the laughter and screeching dies down. Jungkook leans into the mic, his voice low and breathless, probably from laughing at Changkyun’s demise and says, “I.M exposed. Please get that trending on twitter, thank you.”

 

Indignantly, Changkyun smacks him on the shoulder. “Yah, shut up, you Park Jimin fanboy. You're lucky I'm a kind hyung who won't expose _you_ right now.”

 

Jungkook just grins at him cheekily in reply. _You're lucky you're cute, Jeon Jungkook,_ Changkyun thinks sullenly.

 

✖

 

A few questions later, day one of the convention draws to a successful close. The whole group of youtubers head to the back room to rest. Someone suggests coffee, so they play a game to decide who’ll have to go out and buy it. It's down to Changkyun and BamBam, but eventually Changkyun loses.

 

He sets off in search of coffee, tucking his hands into the pockets of his oversized hoodie. Finally, he stumbles upon a cute, quaint café. The strong aroma of coffee wafts past his nose and Changkyun draws in a deep breath, feeling  faintly peaceful.

 

That is, until he accidentally trips over someone’s foot, yelping as he careens towards the ground. A strong arm shoots out and grabs hold of him, hauling him back on his feet.

 

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going and –“ Changkyun blabbers, embarrassed at his display of clumsiness.

 

At the same time, the person who he tripped over rambles his own apologies. “Sorry man, I shouldn't have stuck out my leg like that, I didn't think –“

 

Both of them freeze, rooted to the spot as Changkyun finally finds his bearings and meets the other’s eyes.

 

He's wearing a mask, obscuring most of his face but his _eyes_. And his _voice_ , the voice Changkyun would know anywhere.

 

Lee Jooheon, hand still gripping onto Changkyun _fucking_ arm, stares back at him with equal amounts of shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *laughs nervously* ha...ha... I guess I'll just leave that there and go.... :-) 
> 
> (did I just do that? yes I did.)


	5. chapter five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry everyone I have literally made I.M a walking meme ;;;;
> 
> I.M to Lee/Jooheon: So I'm not leaving until you laugh  
> I.M to Minhyuk/everyone else: hey panini head, are you listening to me?

Jooheon stands frozen, his jaw comically unhinged in shock. It's definitely not an attractive picture of him but he can’t help it because there's no way, _no way_ this is actually happening right now.

 

He always wears a mask in his videos and his selfies with friends never have him fully facing the camera so Jooheon was always worried whether he would be able to pick him out from a crowd.

 

But that honey-toned baritone, low but smooth and holy _shit_ , so attractive in real life - there's no doubt that it's him.

 

I.M coughs, eyes flitting away from him. It's only then that Jooheon realises his fingers are still gripping tightly around his arm - he's holding I.M’s _arm,_ oh my god, an _actual physical part of him_. The sleeve of his hoodie is so soft that he doesn't want to let go, but he's already lingered for longer than socially acceptable. So, with an awkward cough, he releases his hold and steps away.

 

I.M straightens, and Jooheon continues standing in muted shock, stunned by how good-looking his friend actually _is_. He knew he found I.M attractive – his voice alone did wonders, but now seeing him _right before him_ , not a flat image on a screen but an actual, living and breathing person, left Jooheon with a strange feeling in his chest. Not only that, but I.M was _shorter_ than him. It gave him the strange urge to pet his head. _His hair looks so soft and fluffy - how is it even_ real _?_

 

Suddenly, Jooheon realises that the two of them are still standing in awkward silence and that he should probably say something to fill up the silence. _But what? Oh shit, he keeps staring at me, he definitely knows who I am. But he doesn't know that I know him! Am I supposed to drop hints? Get him to figure out that hey, we’re actually best friends but you don't know it yet? Haha, guess what, your best friend has been Lee Jooheon this whole time! Surprise?_

_“_ —thanks,” he hears a muffled voice say. _Oh shit, I didn't hear anything he said. Why did I have to choose that moment to give a panicked internal monologue?_ Jooheon mentally kicks himself.

 

Feeling like the biggest asshole in the world, Jooheon says hesitantly. “Hey man, I'm really sorry but I spaced for a minute there. What did you say…?”

 

To his relief, I.M doesn't seem annoyed. He just looks down briefly and mumbles again. “Thanks. I just – I was just saying thanks. For catching me, I mean.”

 

“Ah, it's no problem.” Jooheon rubs the back of his head awkwardly. “Sorry again for sticking out my leg like that.”

 

A little more strength in his voice, I.M replies. “It's no problem, don't worry.”

 

They fall into silence, standing side by side, waiting in line. The silence between them, with the person who he’s shared countless laughs with, confided in with his worries and discussed his raps with… to Jooheon, it’s unbearable.

 _I’ve got to say something_.

 

“So, uh. You come here often?” Internally, Jooheon smacks himself. _Nailed it. Really smooth there, Lee Jooheon. Not like it’s the most classic ‘seedy met-at-a-bar pick-up line’ or anything._

 

Seemingly startled, I.M turns to him with wide, questioning eyes, as if he can’t quite believe Jooheon actually attempted to pick the conversation back up. Slowly, he forms the words. “Um, no, actually. I’m here for a convention. YouTube.”

 

 _So that’s why he couldn’t attend the Monsta X fansign?_ Jooheon realises with sudden happiness, almost like relief. “Oh that’s cool! You make videos then?” He says, feigning ignorance.

 

I.M laughs a little and Jooheon feels his chest squeeze, almost alarmingly tight. It’s such a soft, _shy_ sound and oh god, Jooheon wants to protect that laugh forever. He makes it his immediate mission to hear it again. “Yeah,” he says, looking down in slight embarrassment. “I do covers. Rap. It’s kind of dumb but… I’ve liked rap since I was in middle school.”

 

“What? No man, that’s not dumb at all!” Jooheon protests, suddenly gripped by a fierce urge to give the reassurance he normally gives to I.M over text right then, in person. “Look, you’ve clearly got passion and you’ve got the drive to go after your dreams. That’s never dumb – it’s what I call courageous. So keep going. In fact –“ it might be a huge risk he’s taking, but Jooheon barrels on before he can second-guess himself, “—I’m a rapper too, so I should know. Lee Jooheon. Maybe you’ve heard of me…?”

 

He searches I.M’s face for a sign of recognition, any sign at all, but he mostly looks shocked at Jooheon’s sudden outburst, and maybe a little starstruck.

 

Finally, after an agonising five seconds, I.M responds. “Yeah, actually, I’ve heard about you. Monsta X, right?”

 

Jooheon doesn’t know why he didn’t admit to knowing Monsta X in the first place, or recognising Jooheon, but he’s so happy that I.M has at least acknowledged him that he bursts into a wide grin. “Yeah! So if you ever feel down, remember that a fellow rapper is rooting for you.”

 

At his words, I.M returns a smaller, but no less delighted grin of his own. And from that moment onward, Jooheon realises the extent to which he is screwed – because I.M has _dimples_. _Deeper-than-the-grand-canyon dimples._

 

“Thanks. You have no idea but that _really_ means a lot to me.” I.M says, voice much warmer than it was before. Jooheon feels his heart swell, knowing that he’s managed to encourage his friend in person, as _himself_ , for the first time.

 

“I mean, if your really want to thank me, maybe I could get a name? I gave you mine after all. Only if you’re comfortable, of course.” Jooheon says, injecting a little of his usual playfulness into his tone.

 

To his surprise, I.M reciprocates his playfulness. “Oh, _someone’s_ smooth,” he says, one corner of his lip curling up in amusement. “It’s Im Changkyun.”

 

At that very moment, I.M – _Changkyun’s_ phone lights up, blaring some girl group song from a few years back. He rushes to pick up, seemingly embarrassed yet irritated at whoever was on the receiving end.

“—what? BamBam _what?_ Oh my god, I left you all for _fifteen minutes_. And yes, I am coming back with the coffee, can your impatient asses wait a few more minutes? Also, tell Kookie I bought him a smaller sized drink – shut up, he ordered an extra large cup last time I treated him, he deserves it.”

 

 _BamBam? What kind of name is that?_ Jooheon thinks. _And it’s that kid again! Kookie – the one who looks like a high schooler – from I.M’s twitter!_

“Sorry about that, it’s my friend Minhyuk. Turns out, fifteen minutes is too long to wait for coffee, according to my friends. I’ve got to go. Guess I’ll see you…?” Changkyun hesitates. “Jooheon-hyung?”

 

Laughing, Jooheon waves him off. “Nah man, just call me Jooheon. And yeah, I’ll see you.” Changkyun shoots him that closed, dimpled smile again – the one that shows off his (squishy) cheeks, grabs his drinks, then walks out of the café.

 

Not even ten seconds later, Jooheon receives a text.

 

**I.M [7:04pm]**

LEE

I AM SHOOK

YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME

YOU REALLY WONT

 

Laughing quietly to himself, Jooheon looks at the messages with a sense of fondness. Thinks about the shy, cute and _interesting_ boy he had just met. _I.M. Changkyun. ‘It’s Im Changkyun’,_ the words repeat in his mind.

 

**Lee [7:04pm]**

what happened ??

 

**I.M [7:05pm]**

I WAS AT A FANSIGN RIJHT

*RIGHT

AND I WENT OUTTO BUY COFFEE

AND I BUMPED INTO LEE MOTHERFRCIKING JOOHEON

NO LIKE LEGIT B U M P E D  INTO

I FELL OVER

 

**Lee [7:05pm]**

omg

I.M ur an actual mess

how

also hOW WAS MEETING JOOHEON DID HE MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS OR NAH ??

 

**I.M [7:06pm]**

it was fucking incredible

he’s actually more good-looking irl than on camera like ,, how is that even possible…. leave some good looks for the rest of us peasants lmao

and he was so nice too ?? he gave me encouragement about rapping which OKAY WOW AT LEAST I CAN DIE HAPPY KNOWING THAT LEE JOOHEON SUPPORTS MY RAPPING DREAMS

 

**Lee [7:07pm]**

omg

im SDJFHSDFSAJDKFADFK

I am so happy for u rn

i’m glad someone finally knocked sense into u that ur talented af and need to realise that!!!

 

**I.M [7:07pm]**

:’) thanks man

but it’ll always be you who helped me with my raps and everything first

not lee jooheon (in case you’re worried you’re being replaced lol)

btw spread the word

lee jooheon is an angel who gives encouragement to random aspiring rappers he finds on the street

 

Jooheon smiles so wide at that last message that he thinks that his cheeks might hurt a little. With the feeling of fizzy happiness filling him, he goes to his contacts list and clicks on a specific contact.

 

 **_[Edit_ ** _/ Delete Contact]_

I.M >> Changkyun

[ **Confirm /** Cancel]

 

 

✖

 

“You did _what?_ ” Minhyuk screeches, causing Changkyun to wince at what seems to be his eardrums shattering from impact. “You didn’t _tell_ him?”

 

“I couldn’t!” Changkyun protests, eager to defend himself. “It would’ve been so weird and awkward. I didn’t want to come off as some creepy fanboy disturbing him during his free time.”

 

“Not even a signature? A picture?” At Changkyun’s silence, which he takes as an answer in itself, Minhyuk groans in despair, letting his head drop onto the table in front of them with an audible _thud_.

 

“Do you see what I have to deal with?” Minhyuk whines. “Meets his number one idol… his future _boyfriend_ —“ to which Changkyun chokes at – “and he doesn’t even get his number or even signature.” He suddenly shoots Changkyun another disapproving glare. “I did not raise you like this. Shame on you.”

 

Changkyun sputters indignantly while the rest of them burst into laughter.

 

“I thought we were already over hyung’s lack of social skills,” Jungkook says cheerfully. _That little shit_ , Changkyun thinks. “I still have him saved as ‘piece of wilted lettuce’ in my phone.”

 

“You’re dead to me, Jungkook.” Changkyun declares flatly. “Also hyung, you did _not_ raise me.”

 

Jungkook raises his hands defensively while Minhyuk gasps in mock offence, bringing a hand to his chest. “I raised you off my back as a single parent, you ungrateful child!”

 

“Yeah, well, I’m not associating myself with a ‘mom’ who refers to Shin Hoseok as _daddy_ ,” Changkyun retorts, snickering as Minhyuk turns a satisfying shade of red. Just as a bonus, Jungkook goes almost equally red, eyes wide and staring at Changkyun in horror.

 

“Let’s not kinkshame, guys,” BamBam sniggers gleefully. “But he’s totally got you there, Hyukkie.”

 

 

✖

 

**bff satan [10:03pm]**

kyunie I love your viewers

i cANT believe this

but they actually created the #IMexposed thing jungkook said during fanfest

lmaooooooooo

_[ **bff satan** sent a video] _

**kkukkung [10:03pm]**

omg WHAT

noooOOOOOOOO

why hyung

why have my own viewers turned against me

my life is a joke

 

**bff satan [10:04pm]**

um bc it’s funny?? and also bc you need to face facts that ure actually crushing HARD on thta jooheon boi

plus itss a gr8 way to eternalise ur suffering (◡‿◡✿)･:*:･。.

 

**kkukkung [10:04pm]**

friendly reminder that your contact in my phone is satan for a REASON

and stop it hyung you know I’ve been a fan of his raps for ages

 

**bff satan [10:05pm]**

yea but that dont stop u from appreciating his other ASSets on ur clandestine tumblr now does it kkukkung~

 

**kkukkung [10:05pm]**

first of all hyung

I had no idea you knew the word clandestine lmao who knew lee minhyuk had the brain cells to form a word longer than 2 syllables

 

**bff satan [10:06pm]**

DHSKSDLFSD THE S H A D E

 

**kkukkung [10:06pm]**

second of all hyung

FUCK YOU HES GOOD LOOKING AND I HAVE EYES

/CASE CLOSED/

also he’s an idol any chance I have with him in the HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION that I have a crush on him like you said is -54.4658% lmao

besides… if I really want a relationship with someone you know I’d go for someone I really trust

 

**bff satan [10:06pm]**

of course <3 like me~~~

 

**kkukkung [10:07pm]**

_[insert nottodaysatan.jpg]_

**bff satan [10:07pm]**

:(

 

Satisfied with shooting Minhyuk down with an adequate level of savagery, Changkyun closes the messaging app and pulls up twitter. Out of some morbid curiosity, he searches for the #IMexposed tab. _Why do inflict suffering onto myself like this_ , he briefly groans before clicking ‘search’.

 

A slew of videos from him at the Fanfest panel, lots of screaming comments in all caps and that _#RAPLINE_ tag was active again, for the first time since he posted that Monsta X cover.

 

 _I can only pray that Jooheon never sees this, oh my god. Not that he would, considering he’s so busy but if there’s a higher power up there, it probably owes me a ton of favours for lumping me in with Lee Minhyuk as my best friend_ , Changkyun thinks.

 

He scrolls down to see replies to the tweet but something strange catches his eye. The most popular tweets seem to have been left with comments from a certain user. Changkyun frowns, trying to puzzle out why the user’s name seemed so… familiar.

 

 **@mtwkxm:** looks like you’re doing well now

 **@mtwkxm:** I’m glad for you buddy :-)

 **@mtwkxm:** I’m coming to south korea you know

 

It shouldn’t stand out to him in a sea of replies and comments from other users but for some reason… it does. It makes him feel prickly and uncomfortable, like something’s wrong but he can’t quite figure out although the answer is right on the tip of his tongue. The user seems… too _familiar_ with him, like he’s really someone Changkyun knows.

 

Then, he sees the reply to the next post and he _understands_ with a sharp, chilling clarity. Mind racing, he thinks: _But how? Six months of radio silence and he comes back_ now? _I thought… I thought we both decided not to contact each other any more._

**@mtwkxm:** daniel, did you miss me?

 

 

✖

 

Jooheon opens KakaoTalk with a bubbly smile on his face. Having spent the last half an hour scrolling through the #IMexposed tag on twitter, he feels a strange sense of satisfaction that everyone would now know that he was I.M’s bias.

 

**Lee [10:34pm]**

omg I saw #IMexposed on twitter

lmao you were so shy it was funny

 

**Lee [10:40pm]**

I.M? u there man? I can see u online…

 

**changkyun [10:40pm]**

hey lee

um sorry but now isn’t really a great time? something kind of happened and I need to deal with it

 

**Lee [10:41pm]**

oh yea man of course! if anything’s troubling u tho… u know you can always tell me if u need someone to rant to or for advice

 

**changkyun [10:41pm]**

yeah but this… really isn’t something you can help with haha

thanks though lee

sorry haha

I’ll talk to you later okay?

 

**Lee [10:42pm]**

yeah haha… later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohshit I pretended like this chapter was going to be all fluff and fun but... there's a hint of what's to come ;) meanwhile, leave your speculations about what's going on with I.M/who @mtwkxm might be in the comments && thank you for reading this far!! :)


	6. chapter six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: hi everyone I'm back!! just a quick note to say good job to the detectives down in the comments who guessed that @mtwkxm was actually Matthew Kim/Kim Jinseok! But just something to note, although I am using his name, the character in this fic is NOT meant to represent big matthew from k.a.r.d. Matthew in this fic is simply a character. He shares his name and appearance, not his personality. 
> 
> with that cleared up, hope you enjoy this update!!

“Changkyun? I got your message –“ He hears Minhyuk call out before abruptly cutting himself off as he enters the living room of their apartment.

 

“Hey, hyung.” Changkyun says weakly, looking up from where he’s sitting on the floor. Minhyuk wordlessly makes his way over and slides down beside him, his back against the wall. He doesn’t say anything, giving Changkyun time to gather his thoughts. He’s grateful, but he can still feel Minhyuk’s questioning eyes scanning him for any clue for the cause of his distress.

 

“It’s him, hyung. He’s back.”

  
Changkyun doesn’t miss the way Minhyuk stiffens then forces his shoulders to relax, which he assumes is an effort not to alarm him further.

 

“Back? Back like how? And when?” Minhyuk asks.

 

“I was scrolling through comments in the #IMexposed tag. Apparently, he knows my Twitter, YouTube and everything.” Changkyun says, a slight tremor in his voice. He shows Minhyuk the screenshots he took. “And… he’s coming to South Korea.”

 

“What?” Minhyuk’s eyes narrow. “I thought he’d gone off to Florida months ago? What’s he doing in South Korea?”

 

“I don’t know.” Changkyun frowns. “I really have no idea. We haven’t contacted each other since… you know when.” Shrugging his shoulders in a display of defeat, he says, “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what he does.”

 

Minhyuk hesitates. “Yeah but… your last meeting didn’t end on very… _pleasant_ terms. You can’t blame me for worrying.”

 

Quashing his own feelings of rising anxiety, he forces himself to speak in as casual a tone as possible. “Come on hyung, I’m not sixteen and stupid any more. Maybe he’s coming to apologise, maybe not. Either way, I don’t really care that much.” At Minhyuk’s disbelieving look, he adds. “Okay, I’m not entirely unaffected. But it’s not like he’s Voldemort or anything.”

 

“Just a _huge_ jackass,” Minhyuk interjects.

 

Changkyun laughs a little, grateful that Minhyuk isn’t pressing further. “Yeah, a grade-A douche, as you’ve told me so many times. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

 

Minhyuk smiles in that way that means _I don’t believe you 100% but I’ll trust you for now_. He ruffles Changkyun’s hair affectionately and holds up his fists like a boxer. “Yeah and if he tries anything funny with you, just call me. I’ll kill him so fast he won’t even see it coming.”

 

Changkyun smiles at the thought of Minhyuk – though lean and fast – trying to take on a man who was 6ft tall and at least 20 pounds heavier in muscle when he was _eighteen._

He thinks back to a similar occurrence back in Boston, when Minhyuk had comforted him, sitting next to him on the ground just like this. “Thanks, Minhyuk-hyung,’ he says, pouring all his sincerity into those three, simple words.

 

“Any time, Kkukkung.” Minhyuk replies, drawing him into a hug.

 

 

**✖**

 

 

_It’s bright and early and it’s also his first day of school. 6 year old Im Changkyun totters to the front of the class when his name is called, filled with excitement and trepidation in equal measure._

_“Hi everyone, my name is Changkyun but you can also call me Daniel. I’m from Korea.” He announces proudly, just like he practiced with his mom. He swells with happiness at getting it right, sounding almost fluent if he did say so himself._

_After a smattering of applause, Changkyun hops off the platform and joins the kids sprawled on the floor. Another little boy, with light brown hair and sparkly, excited eyes wiggles his way towards him._

_“Hi!” The boy says, his voice warm and friendly. “I’m Kim Jinseok but you can also call me Matthew. I’m from Los Angelos.”_

 

✖

Jooheon frowns at his phone screen, feeling deeply unsettled by Changkyun’s reply. He reasons that he shouldn’t be that disturbed, it could just be that Changkyun had some troublesome personal matter to attend to. _But his tone felt… off. It felt like he was shutting me out._

 

Maybe it’s because he’s so used to them being each other’s confidants that he can’t shake off the feeling that something is wrong on Changkyun’s end. But until Changkyun chooses to tell him anything, he can’t do anything to help.

 

“Oh no, you and your boyfriend fighting?”

 

Jooheon startles as Hyungwon steps into the room. He sighs, the words coming out of his mouth almost reflexively after weeks of teasing. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

 

There’s a pause. Then, Hyungwon swivels towards him, his tone questioning but cautious. “You didn’t correct me. About the fighting.”

 

Jooheon shrugs. “We’re not fighting. But… I think something’s wrong and he doesn’t want to tell me what.” He sounds a lot more pathetic than he intended for, but Hyungwon, for once, doesn’t jump at the opportunity to make fun of him. “It’s dumb but he’s just… never shut me out like this before.”

 

Hyungwon _hmms_ thoughtfully. “Give it time, Jooheon. He might just be freaking out a bit over whatever’s going on on his end. Once the initial shock wears off, he’ll probably tell you.”

 

Nodding in assent, Jooheon pushes down the temptation to text Changkyun again and instead, switches his phone off decisively. “Thanks, hyung.”

 

“No problem,” Hyungwon gives him a sleepy smile and wanders off, presumably to bed. _It’s been a long day, I should probably get to sleep too._

But no matter how hard he tries to shake it off, his gut tells him that Changkyun’s problem is not just a simple matter.

 

 

✖

 

 

_“I don’t like your new friends, Matt.” Changkyun says simply, spinning idly in Matthew’s chair, gaze roaming around the ceiling._

_“Why not?” Matthew asks, tossing a basketball up and down as he lays with his body halfway off the bed._

_“They’re kind of...”_ dangerous, a bad influence, _Changkyun thinks. “ –jerks.” he says instead. “How old is Ashton anyway?”_

_“Eighteen.” Matthew answers proudly, like age is a badge of honor. Changkyun knows that he should be impressed, because_ eighteen _is definitely an achievement but coupled with the fact that he’s seen what they do around town, eighteen doesn’t look impressive – it feels like_ danger _._

_He tries keeping the feeling of alarm bells ringing in his head out of his tone. “Matt, I don’t think eighteen year-olds should be hanging out with fourteen year-olds. Ashton and his friends are…”_

_Matthew scoffs. “Come on Daniel, don’t be lame. What are you, my mom? Ashton_ chose _me. They_ want _to be friends with me.”_

_Changkyun scrambles for an explanation that doesn’t sound too much like he’s being a coward or overly paranoid. He comes up empty. He knows that if he doesn’t convince him now, Matthew won’t ever take it seriously._

_“Jinseok, please.” He adopts a softer, more pleading tone. Switching over to Korean is something they’ve always done, since they were younger and the only two in the sandbox who could speak Korean. It was like their own secret language in Boston, a connection only the two of them shared._

_Matthew catches the basketball and doesn’t toss it upwards again. He sits up. Studies Changkyun’s face intently. Then he flops back onto the bed with a huff._

_Heart beating nervously, Changkyun pretends to busy himself with looking at the star stickers pasted on the ceiling. He doesn’t know whether to take this as a win or loss._

 

 

✖

 

 

“Changkyunie!” There’s a muffled banging sound, before the distinct _click_ of a lock opening and the front door opens. “Get up!”

 

Changkyun shifts in bed, burying his face into the pillow to drown out the megaphone that is his best friend. _Seriously_ , he thinks dazedly, _why did I ever give him that key?_

 

“Kyunie!” Minhyuk barges into his room, almost tripping over a cord, but regaining his balance unceremoniously. “I know Matthew coming is like the second coming of Hitler but I’m not going to let you mope around all day! Get up and get dressed – I’m bringing you for boba and then we’re going to the convention and you’re going to have a fucking good time, alright? Because I’m the best friend ever.”

 

“Best friend? Actually, it’s pronounced 'Satan', hyung.” Changkyun mumbles. “Who wakes someone up at ass o’clock in the morning when they’re trying to cheer them up?”

 

“Your lord and saviour himself, Lee Minhyuk!” Minhyuk declares cheerfully. “Now hurry and get up or I’m going to have to resort to another way to cheer you up. I know aegyo, I can do _buing buing_.”

 

Trying to fight the smile threatening to break through his grumpy expression, Changkyun sits up anyway. “Oh no,” he deadpans. “Not the _buing buing_.”

Seemingly satisfied, Minhyuk pats him on the head affectionately. “That’s it! Now hurry up, I don’t want to be late for the convention so we have to start phase one of Operation: Cheer Kkukkung Up now.”

 

Shaking his head, Changkyun sticks out his tongue at his brightly grinning best friend. “Dork.” But he appreciates it all the same.

 

 

✖

 

 

After being equipped with his favourite peach green-bubble-tea-size-large, Changkyun heads off for Youtube Fanfest Day 2, packed in a car along with Minhyuk, Jungkook and Jackson. They’re switching up the panels this time, but there was a mistake in the coordination team apparently, so in the end, Minhyuk and Changkyun are separated from the rest and hurriedly ushered into another room.

 

Changkyun’s eyes blow wide as soon as he steps into the room, noticing that some _significantly bigger_ channels happen to be in this room. _What are the coordination team doing?_ He screams internally.

 

Minhyuk seems to be thinking the same thing as he hisses, “Oh my god, is that _beautybaek_? What are they doing putting me in the same room as him? I’m going to look like a fucking frog, shit Changkyun _help me._ I’m a cover artist, I didn’t sign up for any of this aesthetic make-up artist shit!”

 

Slightly awed by the fact that _Rap Monster_ is actually in the same room as him for the _second_ time this year, Changkyun replies distractedly. “Same.”

 

Seemingly feeling Changkyun’s eyes on him, Rap Monster turns and makes eye contact with him. Changkyun quickly tries to look away to avoid looking like some creepy fan, but by some miracle, Rap Monster seems to recognise him and even gives a little wave. And while Changkyun is definitely a loyal and dedicated Jooheon stan, he swears that for a second, his heart actually _stopped_.

 

“Hyung, there are so many big channels here, what are _we_ doing here?” Changkyun whispers, tugging on Minhyuk’s sleeves.

 

Minhyuk gives himself a quick shake, before slinging an arm around Changkyun’s shoulder with feigned casualness. “We fake it till we make it,” he says confidently. “And try our best not to make a fool out of ourselves. That means no fanboying over Rap Monster, Kyunie.”

 

Changkyun pouts, but lets Minhyuk guide him over to the table. _Not like I was going to anyway. Only, maybe, a little._

The panel goes pretty well, all things considered. Changkyun feels more nervous than usual, which goes without saying considering Rap Monster and _beautybaek_ are actually sitting not even two seats away from him. But he is reassured by the – surprisingly generous – applause that follows after his name is announced during introduction. Significantly less than the bigger channels, but he smiles gratefully at his viewers in the audience all the same.

 

Nearing towards the end of the panel, Changkyun starts feeling a little warm so he begins rolling up the sleeves of his jacket. To his surprise, several members of the audience start screaming. He cranes his neck, half expecting to see _beautybaek_ giving one of his signature eyesmiles or something but he simply stopped talking and was looking at Changkyun.

 

Quizically, Changkyun looks at the rest of the panel, to the audience and then hesitantly points at himself. “Me…?” he mouths uncertaintly. A few girls scream and one particularly enthusiastic boy hollers in agreement. Patting his cheeks to cover the slight blush, he smiles as widely as he can for them in thanks.

  
Suddenly realising the screams actually interrupted what Baekhyun was saying, he hurriedly leans into the mic and says, “Sorry.” Baekhyun – he actually spoke an actual sentence to _beautybaek_ , oh god – smiles amusedly and waves him off.

 

The panel continues smoothly and comes to an end before Changkyun even knows it. As he’s packing to leave, however, a few girls approach him and Minhyuk hesitantly.

 

A coordinator standing at the doorway moves forward to stop them, but Changkyun shakes his head to show that he doesn’t mind.

 

“Um, hi.” The girl standing in front of him says. “My friends and I are really huge fans of you guys and we just wanted to say that we’re really proud you’ve made it so far and are attending panels with other big channels nowadays.” She clears her throat, looking slightly flushed. “But we’re also really big Monsta X fans like you guys and we wanted to give you these.”

 

Changkyun’s eyes bulge when he sees the two tickets in her hands. “Oh my god…” he says, shocked. “You can’t be serious, these are so expensive. We can’t accept this, even if we’re really grateful.”

 

“No, please!” The girl says, pushing the tickets into his hands insistently. “Our other friends can’t make it and we think you two definitely deserve these tickets the most.” Minhyuk asks if they’re sure and at the furious nods he receives, he tentatively reaches out to take the tickets.

 

“Thank you so much,” Changkyun says sincerely, genuinely touched by their actions, not just because of the ticket, but the fact that they actually care that much about him. “We won’t forget this.”

 

“Definitely not,” Minhyuk says, sounding awed. “I’m broke as fuck, so there’s no way I could’ve afforded this without robbing a bank or something.” At that, the whole group of girls giggle.

 

Changkyun hits him, mock scolding. “Can you maintain at least _some_ of your image? You’re going to lose all your fans at this rate.”

 

Ignoring him, Minhyuk requests for the whole group’s twitter users and both of them follow the girls’ twitters, leaving them smiling and thanking them profusely. Honestly, Changkyun feels he’s the one who hasn’t thanked them enough but the girls leave before he can think of another way to thank them.

 

On the way home, Minhyuk turns to him and says. “So what’d I tell you? Good day, right?”

 

Changkyun bumps into him affectionately. “Yeah, you dork. Thanks for everything today.”

 

“No problem, Kkukkung. It’s my duty, isn’t it?” Minhyuk says, posing jokingly like a comic book superhero.

 

 

✖

 

 

Changkyun sits in front of his laptop, biting his lip. Reading his conversation with Lee from the previous day, he feels unbearably guilty. His hand hovers over the keyboard – he needs to apologise, but _how_? He could do _buing buing?_

 

 _God, no,_ he thinks, disgusted at himself.  _I need to spend less time with Minhyuk._

 

He didn’t actually do anything _wrong_ per say, but he feels that he was too cold, so unlike their usual conversation. 

 

 _But what if I’m overthinking it and Lee didn’t notice at all? What if he’s weirded out by how I overanalyse everything?_ Conflicted, Changkyun hesitates some more but he finally decides to go ahead and type and apology before he decides against it.

 

**I.M [10:32pm]**

hey lee idk if this is weird or if I’m thinking too much but

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about yesterday

I was being really cold to you bc something bad happened ;;; you just texted at the wrong time and I took my feelings out on you

I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that

so here’s my apology gift haha:

_[imsorryleeforgiveme?.jpg]_

also I’m sorry if this is too much and I’m overthinking it haha

 

To both his relief and dismay, Lee’s reply is almost instantaneous. Changkyun reads the whole thing holding his breath.

 

**Lee [10:32pm]**

I.M!!!!

im sorry I sound so excited but when you didn’t text the whole day I thought you weren’t going to text me ever again haha

oh god I sound so clingy im not like this irl I promise

but no!!! no I was really worried about u yesterday

I mean my roommate kept telling me it was probably smthing small but I couldn’t shake the feeling smthing was rly wrong :(

actually real talk I was sort of beating myself up a little yesterday bc u seemed like u were dealing with smthing really bad and I couldn’t do anything to help like,, idk if im overstepping but I rly consider u to be a close friend and I rly want to help any way I can

I mean I cant physically do anything but im here for you anytime!! srsly don’t worry about being a burden or smthing if u need to talk im here

 

**I.M [10:35pm]**

I’m –

thanks lee

thank you so fucking much you have no idea how much that helps

you should already know this but I’m really grateful that we’re close friends

I really don’t know anyone like you

just

thank you

 

**Lee [10:36pm]**

no problem <3 that’s what anonymous internet friends are for, right?

and you shld kno im rly grateful for u too

omg this is rly cheesy

btw that problem from yesterday… is everything okay now?

 

**I.M [10:36pm]**

well… no. not really

but I don’t think I want to talk about it today

not that I don’t trust you or anything!!! I’m just tired, it’s been a long day

I’ll tell you another time

 

**Lee [10:37pm]**

it’s okay I understand!!

quickly go to sleep okay

I’ll wait for whenever you feel ready

 

**I.M [10:37pm]**

thanks lee

[ _dramatic crying duck.sticker]_

**Lee [10:38pm]**

oh and before you go to sleep

thanks for the apology gift

it was cute :)

 

✖

 

 _“Matt…?” Changkyun says, open-mouthed and horrified. He stares blankly at the wads of cash, carelessly stuffed into his boyfriend’s well-worn red backpack. “What… what are you_ doing _?”_

_Matthew stares at the ground, intensely avoiding Changkyun’s eyes. He remains silent and the only sign of him hearing anything is the subtle tightening of his jaw._

_“This isn’t… you’re not…” Changkyun steps forward shakily, numbly fumbling the sides of Matthew’s face. Matthew is motionless, still as a rock but his eyes are turning a tell-tale shade of red, though they remain locked on the ground._

_Heart clenching, Changkyun grabs Matthew’s face and forces him to look at him. “Matthew. Tell me this isn’t money for Ashton’s drugs.”_

_Matthew’s eyes squeeze shut and that’s when Changkyun_ knows _. He grabs Matthew by the shoulders, Changkyun’s eyes frantically searching Matthew’s, searching for a sign that it isn’t true._

 

 _“How could you?” He croaks in disbelief. He only grips his shoulders tighter when Matthew starts shaking. “How could you fucking steal from my parents, from_ me, _and then run off to Ashton behind my back like that?”_

_Erupting fiercely, Matthew shoves Changkyun away. In a harsh but shaky tone, he says, “You wouldn’t understand! Ashton_ trusts _me, he_ asked _me to get the money. What was I supposed to do, betray his trust?”_

_Changkyun stares in shock. Matthew has always been bigger and stronger than him, but never has he felt like it was a threat. Matthew had never taken advantage of his strength and treated him so roughly before._

_“But you’ll betray the trust of your best friend? Your_ boyfriend _?” Changkyun whispers, almost unable to believe what he’s hearing._

_“Ashton needed the drugs.” Matthew insists. Then, in a smaller voice, with a note of shame in it, he says, “_ I _needed them.”_

_There’s a pause, then Matthew turns sharply and walks out, leaving Changkyun alone and utterly betrayed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow that was a heavier end than I was going for. but hey, when have I ever written a fic that was pure fluff with no angst creeping into it? :') 
> 
> also, thank you to everyone who supports this fic. comments especially <3 I read every one and it really motivates me to keep writing!! hope you enjoyed this and keep supporting :)


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone I'm back with another chapter!! surprise surprise, the wait wasn't actually as long as I expected considering I'm having exams and everything. sorry there's less jookyun interaction in this chapter but you'll get more next time! this one is more about pushing the plot forward / kyun with his friends and jooheon with mx :)

_Changkyun and Matthew are nine years old and although Changkyun thinks he’s a big boy now and should know just about everything, he’s never been more utterly confused in his life._

_“Matty… I need to tell you something.” Changkyun thinks it over and decides that it would be better to switch over to their secret language if they’re discussing such an important secret. “Jinseokie. I think I like boys.”_

_There’s a pause in which Changkyun starts to panic. What if Matty thinks he’s weird? What if he doesn’t like him anymore?_

_Then, there’s a bout of startled laughter. “That’s it?” Matthew says in flawless Korean, giggling. “We switched to Korean just for that? Kyunie, I don’t care if you like boys or girls or elephants. That stuff doesn’t matter. Back in LA, I saw boys kissing all the time! You’re still Kyunie no matter who you like. As long as you always like me most.”_

_Changkyun feels his heart swell and he hugs his best friend in belief. “Thanks Jinseokie. Don’t worry, you’ll always be my best friend!”_

Changkyun startles awake when his alarm starts blaring the Pokemon theme song. _I should really change that_ , Changkyun thinks blearily.

 

Thinking back on that dream, Changkyun feels his heart clench with a sense of nostalgia, tainted by sadness. He shakes his head to clear it of those thoughts. It’s in the past and he has a much better future to be concentrating on right now.

 

Right on cue, his phone buzzes.

 

**bff satan [8:01am]**

CHANGKYUNIEEEEE

YOU BETTER BE AWAKE

GET HYPED BC MONSTA X CONCERT IS TODAYY

MEET ME AT THE CAFÉ IN TEN MINUTES

 

**kkukkung [8:02am]**

don’t worry hyung

already on the way

 

With that, Changkyun steps out of bed, stretches luxuriously, and then steps into the bathroom to get ready.

 

✖

 

“I can’t believe you were fifteen minutes late.” Minhyuk pouts. “You said you were already on the way! You’re buying me breakfast for this.”

 

Humming agreeably, Changkyun nods. “Yeah of course. I’m always willing to do my fair share of charity.”

 

Offended, Minhyuk brings a hand to his chest. “That hurt. Right there.”

 

“You mean the empty black void where your heart should be? Wow, must hurt.” Changkyun says nonchalantly as Minhyuk lets out a quiet scream of frustration.

 

“Wow. If I didn’t know you have a gigantic crush on Lee Jooheon,” Jungkook says, munching on his pancakes. He jabs a fork in Minhyuk’s direction, “and _you_ so gay for Shin Hoseok that Satan himself is shaking, I would definitely think you two were gay for each other.”

 

“Aww, thanks!” Minhyuk says, patting Jungkook on the head. “We get that all the time but it’s still strangely flattering.”   


“Speak for yourself, I don’t like being shipped with satan spawn.”

 

“Rude!”

 

“Speaking of rude, how much are you guys paying me anyway? You don’t really expect me to drop you off at the concert venue, then get ditched by both of you, do you?” Jungkook asks, raising an eyebrow expectantly.

 

“We’ll pay you with our love, of course,” Minhyuk smiles at Jungkook sweetly as Changkyun snorts. “Friendship is magic, after all.”   


“Friendship is bullshit, if this is what you consider ‘friendship’.” Jungkook says. “That asshole never even pays for his own meals when we go out!”

 

“Hey, I just migrated here. I’m still getting used to the new surroundings, the new currency and the new people. I’m practically a tourist!” Changkyun raises his hands defensively. “How can you make a tourist you’re supposed to be taking care of pay? Besides, it was only _two_ times and I happened to forget my wallet.”

 

“Oh yeah,” Minhyuk cuts in. “Kyun, have you asked your friend if he’s coming yet?”

 

Changkyun glances at his phone, recalling their conversation from the night before. He had been nervous to text Lee out of the blue, since he’d left him hanging without telling him about the Matthew situation but true to his word, Lee hadn’t pressed him about it at all. A surge of gratitude fills him as he thinks about Lee’s unwavering patience and understanding.

 

“Yo, he mentioned loverboy for _one_ second, don’t go fantasizing about him now,” Jungkook teases. Changkyun squirms, feeling the tip of his ears go slightly red.

 

“Shut up John Cook,” Changkyun says. (A foreign tourist had once called Jungkook that and to this day, Changkyun has not stopped finding it the funniest thing _ever_.) “You know Lee and I are just friends. And no, he’s not coming for the concert. He’s been really busy with work, or something.”

 

Minhyuk hums in sympathy, taking a sip of water. “Damn. I was really looking forward to meeting your ‘rap soulmate’.”

 

Changkyun flicks the bottom of Minhyuk’s cup, causing him to choke. “I said that when I was drunk, you asshole!”

 

 

✖

 

_(the day before)_

“Wait, so let me get this straight.” Hyungwon says slowly. “You told him that you weren’t going to be at the concert. But you’re actually going to be performing there. As his idol. Even though this is literally the perfect opportunity for you to reveal your identity to him?”

 

Jooheon groans, head firmly buried into a couch cushion. “You don’t get it, hyung.”

 

“What do I not get?”

 

“Changkyun is such a close friend and right now, he trusts me a lot but what if when he finds out I’ve been lying the whole time about my _identity_ , a _basic fucking aspect_ of knowing someone he realises he actually hates me and I lose his trust forever? I don’t know how I could handle that, shit, I actually _can’t_ and now I’m overly dependent on someone who doesn’t even know my fuckin’ name! Besides that, Changkyun is actually so _soft_ , like you don’t even know and he’s in a bad place right now – I can’t lose his trust right now when I want to help him oh god hyung what –“

 

“First of all,” Hyungwon says. “Jesus Christ, did you say that in one breath?” _Not called a monster rapper for nothing, I guess._ “Secondly, it sounds like you really care about him and that’s why it’s important you clear up this mess as soon as possible. Not when you’re, I don’t know, already _married_ to each other or something. No, shut up, don’t argue. How long do you intend to keep your identity a secret?”

 

Jooheon opens his mouth, closes it, then shakes his head hopelessly.

 

“Wow you’re really a piece of work, Jooheonie.” Hoseok says fondly, shifting closer to pat Jooheon on the head. “Honestly, I agree with Hyungwon. Better to tell him now than later. But I’ll support whatever you decide to do, since you’re the only one who knows I.M anyway.”

 

“Um, does someone want to tell me why Jooheon looks like a pining schoolgirl?” Kihyun says as he steps into the room, looking over at them questioningly. “I could practically smell the teenage angst as soon as I stepped into the dorm. No, don’t tell me. It was that I.M guy again.”

 

Jooheon whines, but doesn’t make any movement to defend himself. Hoseok pets his head gingerly, like how one might pet an injured animal.

 

“We don’t have to talk about it again if you don’t want to, Jooheonie.” Hoseok says comfortingly.

 

“No, no, go on. I live vicariously through your drama,” Kihyun says, decisively plopping himself onto the couch.

 

“Basically, I.M is coming to the concert tomorrow and wants to meet up with who he thinks is ‘Lee’ but this idiot told him he couldn’t make it. Now all of us are collectively angsting over whether that was the right decision or not.” Hyungwon summarises.

 

Finally, Jooheon extracts his head from the cushion. “I just don’t think meeting I.M at a concert feels right. Maybe somewhere more private would be better… Agh, never mind, I don’t want to think about it any more. I’m going to sleep.”

 

Silence follows as Jooheon drags himself out of the room.

 

“Is no one going to talk about how ironic it is that Jooheon told I.M that he couldn’t come to the concert because of work? When his ‘work’ is literally performing at the concert?” Hoseok says suddenly.

 

Kihyun brings a hand to his forehead. “I can’t believe he actually said that. Our maknae, seriously.” He adds. “Although… all of this is very k-drama material. Think we could make some extra cash if we wrote a script based on all this?”

 

 

✖

 

 

“Hello Minmoongies and welcome to Vlog #192 with your one and only, Lee Minhyuk!” Minhyuk winks at the camera. “If you’re wondering why it’s so noisy right now, well GUESS WHAT? I’M AT A MONSTA X CONCERT! NO, NOT LIVE STREAMING FROM HOME, BUT AT THE ACTUAL CONCERT!”

 

Minhyuk turns the camera in the direction of the crowd around them, pointing to the impossibly long queue to get into the venue. “It’s really crowded but I think that’s part of the excitement, isn’t it? Oh and I’m here with Changkyun and Jungkook too! Say hi!”

 

Changkyun and Jungkook look up from where they’re comparing taste in English music artists and wave obligingly to the camera. “Don’t mind me, I don’t actually have tickets to the concert. They’re using me as a chauffeur.” Jungkook says, shooting a bitter glare at Minhyuk.

 

“That’s kookieplays for you! Always willing to help a friend in need,” Minhyuk says, unable to keep the laugh out of his voice.

 

“And if you’re wondering how Minhyuk said that intro so calmly, we’ve been here for two hours and he had to rehearse that line forty times to get through the words ‘I’m at a Monsta X concert’ without screaming, flailing, dying or all of the above,” Changkyun says drily.

 

Minhyuk smacks him, somehow still packing strength into it while holding his vlogging camera, tickets and _numerous_ Monsta X fan merchandise. “Stop exposing me, Changkyunnie! You’re hurting my feelings.”

 

“Another four hours with _that_.” Changkyun says, staring dead into the camera. “You know what happened if they find Lee Minhyuk’s dead body tomorrow.”

                                             

There’s an offended gasp and the camera turns back to Minhyuk’s face. “Well, with that I have to go smack some respect into this disrespectful dongsaeng. See you guys at the concert!”

 

✖

 

_ _

**@aka-minhyukuuu:** you guys won’t believe who I ran into today!! (his bf is a monsta x fan too) aren’t _@parkjinyoung_ and I cute? ╰(✿˙ᗜ˙)੭━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

**@IMwhatiam:** that is ;;; way too much visual in one picture… stop lowering my self esteem

 

**@aka-minhyukuuu:** AWW KKUKKUNGIE <33 but you’re cute too see??

_ _

 

**@IMwhatiam:** DSHDFJLSKD WHEN DID YOU TAKE THAT PICTURE

 

**@IMwhatiam:** also _@aka-minhyukuuu_ don’t be extra hyung, I wasn’t talking about you in the first place

 

**@aka-minhyukuuu:** THE PUPPY BITES, I REPEAT, THE PUPPY BITES

 

 

✖

 

It’s been over four hours and Changkyun can’t hold it in anymore. He steps away from the line and tells Minhyuk he’ll be back in ten minutes.

 

“Why?” Minhyuk says, wrinkling his nose. “Don’t leave me here alone, Changkyunnie!”

 

“To get away from you, obviously.” Changkyun says bluntly, already walking away. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

 

“ _Wow_ , rude, I hope you fall into a ditch on your way!” Minhyuk calls after him.

 

Changkyun snorts, not bothering to turn back for a retort. _Real mature, hyung._ As soon as he walks away from the long queue outside the concert venue, he looks around for the portable toilet that is usually set up around events like this.

 

_There!_ He spots the familiar orange colour and sighs in relief, making quick strides over to it. Afterwards, he quickly washes his hands and exits from the toilet but an urgent whisper halts him in his tracks.

_  
“Psst!”_

_What the…_ Changkyun thinks, instinctively turning around to scan the area for the source of that noise. He spots a hand waving at him from behind the portable toilet and takes hesitant steps towards it.

“Um, sorry, whoever you are but who even says _psst_? This isn’t a 90’s gangster movie –“ Changkyun says, trying to mask his nervousness. He is abruptly shushed and the hand latches onto him, dragging him behind the portable toilet as well. _Okay, maybe responding to some shady guy whispering behind a portable toilet wasn’t the best idea –_

_Oh_. Changkyun blinks, suddenly feeling very small and very much like he’s dreaming. He cranes his neck upwards, eyes blown wide in shock because standing before him is Chae Hyungwon, all dressed up in a stunning stage outfit. He’s tall, _much taller_ than Changkyun and every bit deserving of his title as Monsta X’s visual.

 

“Wow this is… much.” Changkyun says, stupidly. Fortunately, Hyungwon doesn’t seem to take notice of his presently lacking speaking capacity.

 

“Hi, I know this is a little weird but nice to meet you? I’m Hyungwon of Monsta X as you know but you can call me Hyungwon-hyung. You’re ‘Changkyun’ right?” Hyungwon says.

 

It takes a few seconds for Changkyun’s brain, which pretty much feels like melting cotton candy at this point, to process but when he does, all he can do is nod.

 

“Ah, great. Okay so, Jooheon mentioned you earlier and if you’re free after the concert, he’d really like it if you could visit him backstage. Would you be okay with that?”

 

_Jooheon? As in, Lee Jooheon? Wants to meet_ me _?_ Stunned, Changkyun says. “Okay, yeah, sure. I’m fine with that. More than fine actually – thank you, Hyungwon-h-hyung.” He quickly shuts his mouth before he says anything more embarrassing.

 

“Great, thanks, Changkyun. Sorry, but I have to go now. I’ll see you later.” Hyungwon smiles briefly, then quickly darts away, presumably to prepare for the concert.

 

Once he’s gone, Changkyun feels strangely wobbly and has to physically resist the urge to lie flat on the ground to reflect on that whirlwind of a conversation. _What the actual fuck just happened?_

 

✖

 

“You’re kidding.” Minhyuk says, jaw actually hanging open like it’s been unhinged. “There’s no way. You didn’t…”

 

“I did,” Changkyun says, still feeling dazed himself.

 

“Falling over Jooheon in a coffeeshop, running into Hyungwon at a _portable toilet_? Did you save China in a past life or something? How can you actually be _this_ lucky?” Minhyuk shakes his head in awe.

 

“I feel like I should be more excited or something. But right now… I just feel numb.” Changkyun confesses. “I can’t actually believe that just happened.”

 

He’s about to bring up his theory that he had not in fact, met Hyungwon, but instead met Hyungwon’s secret clone when their conversation is cut off by a loud, excited scream.

 

“Oh my god, they’re opening the doors. Hold me, Changkyun! My heart isn’t ready!” Minhyuk cries dramatically into his vlogging camera, throwing his weight onto Changkyun’s side. _When did he even take that out…?_ He sees looks of amusement from the people around them, several giggling at Minhyuk’s antics.

 

Disgruntled, Changkyun shoves Minhyuk off him. “Get off, hyung, I don’t want your germs on me when I finally get to see Monsta X in concert.” But as the line surges forward, Changkyun’s excitement gets the better of him and he allows Minhyuk to take his hand.

 

Unable to control the rapidly spreading grin on his face, he squeezes Minhyuk’s hand in excitement.

✖

 

 

**HIGHLIGHTS FROM MY FIRST MONSTA X CONCERT [VLOG] – _aka-minhyukuu  
_** _uploaded 6min ago_

 

**1.**

“Guys I’m actually not allowed to record here but do you see the amount of monbebes there are here? Monsta X is going to be so happy – I’m HYPED. And the lightsticks are so pretty too seriously, I saw a few and they’re so bright and beautiful – brighter than my future, I swear to god –”

 

**2.**

“THAT’S WONHO. THE FUCK. HE ACTUALLY EXISTS OH GOD, I THOUGHT HE WAS, I DON’T KNOW, A HOLOGRAM OR SOMETHING BECAUSE NO WAY SOMEONE IS THAT PERFECT BUT HE IS AND HE’S _RIGHT THERE_ –“

 

“DID YOU SEE THAT, THAT MOVE HE DID RIGHT THERE? THAT’S MY HUSBAND AND I AM SO FUCKING PROUD –“

 

“HYUNG, SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, YOU’RE BEING A PUBLIC NUISANCE –“

_There is the sound of a brief scuffle and a loud thud as the camera hits the floor. There is a quiet murmur of ‘shit’ before the screen cuts to black._

 

**3.**

“It’s not dead!” Minhyuk cheers, grinning at the camera. “And thank god, if not you guys would miss out on _this_ quality content!”

 

The camera pans to Changkyun, who is rapping aggressively to Jooheon’s part in the song _Be Quiet_. Changkyun, completely engrossed in the performance, doesn’t even notice the camera pointed towards him.

 

Minhyuk snorts. “This kid claims not to be a hardcore monbebe but he came here and did the fanchants to _every song_ seriously, what a fake –“

 

“Wait, is that a camera –?”

 

**4.**

The _camera is on Minhyuk this time, who looks to be on the brink of collapsing. His eyes are wide and he is practically vibrating with anticipation. At first, the reason is unclear – but as the camera pans to the left, the reason is obvious. Wonho, grinning widely, throws some candy in Minhyuk’s direction, who immediately catches it and clutches it to his chest._

_The crowd is too loud to hear what Minhyuk is furiously whispering to himself, but whoever edited the video clip helpfully captions “_ holyfuckholyfuckholyfuck”.

 

**5.**

"OKAY GUYS THE CONCERT JUST ENDED AND I’M TRYING MY BEST TO BE CALM BUT IT’S NOT WORKING. I AM SO EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW, AND I WANT TO TALK BUT I CAN’T EVEN SPEAK COHERENTLY ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED. I.M CAN’T EVEN SPEAK, PERIOD. FUCK.” Minhyuk pauses for breath, then launches right back into his speech. “So I’ll be uploading this – barely edited – vlog today and a separate video talking about the actual experience tomorrow. See you guys there!”

 

Finally, _finally_ Minhyuk switches off the vlogging camera. He wasn’t thinking about it much before but now that the concert is over, Changkyun’s stomach is queasy with anticipation. _Whoever thought of the saying “stomach filled with butterflies” is an idiot. It feels more like a bunch of angry bees trying to hammer through my stomach._

 

As they make their way towards what looks to be the entrance to ‘backstage’ – if the number of security guards are any indication – Changkyun feels more and more unsure. “Do you think Hyungwon actually invited me backstage?” Changkyun whispers to Minhyuk. “Or was it just a hallucination? I didn’t drink much water today…”

 

“Too late now,” Minhyuk whispers back. “I already accidentally made eye contact with one of the guards.” They come to an awkward stop in front of the guards, unsure what to do next.

 

“Name?” One of the guards says, staring down at them, unimpressed.

 

After a nudge from Minhyuk, Changkyun responds. “Uh, Im Changkyun.”

 

After a pause, the guard nods and lets them in, although his face remains impassive. He escorts them to a door, then leaves without saying anything.

 

“Expressive, isn’t he?” Minhyuk says in a low tone.

 

“Shut up, Minhyuk, he’s scary.” Changkyun replies, glancing around to make sure the guard isn’t still around.

 

“Now what?” Minhyuk says.

 

“Only one think to do, I guess.” Changkyun says, taking a steadying inhale of air, before knocking firmly on the door.

 

✖

“Ah, that was awesome!” Jooheon declares, throwing himself onto the coach. The rest of Monsta X shout back similar sentiments, all riding the high of ending a concert. Hyungwon is less vocal, but he sits beside Jooheon, feeling the same swell of happiness and pride within him.

 

It’s only when a sharp knock on the door is heard, jolting all of them out of their celebratory high.

 

“Who’s that?” Wonho asks.

 

“Not manager-hyung or the stylists… they don’t even knock anymore.” Kihyun says, looking equally puzzled.

 

A sudden realisation strikes him.

 

Hyungwon jumps to his feet, urgently gesturing for Jooheon to do so too. He whines at first, but gets up anyway, grumbling.

 

“Jooheon, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you earlier because you were with hair and make-up and the concert started before I could say anything but I –“ Hyungwon says urgently. Jooheon waves him off.

 

“Just get to it, hyung. What?”

 

“I – you – well, you know how you were having problems deciding what to tell your boyfriend? Being the great hyung I am, I brought him here for you.”

 

“You – _WHAT?_ ” Jooheon sputters, just as the door opens gently.

 

I.M’s face peeks into the doorframe – _that’s adorable, oh my god,_ Jooheon thinks, dazed – and melts into a small smile when his eyes meet Jooheon’s.

 

Stunned, Jooheon smiles back on instinct but internally, he thinks _Fuck, Hyungwon, I’m going to die a premature death at this rate._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! I know I haven't responded to last chapter's comments yet but I'll get on it soon (usually I respond to all the comments before I post a new chapter but I just wanted to get this out there first this time)
> 
> thank you especially to those who comment, it really means a lot to me <3


	8. chapter eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! sorry for the long wait, I have exams from now till nov so it's been hard to find time to write. that said, thank you so much to everyone who commented and left kudos - you guys are really the driving force for my writing :') also the number of comments DOUBLED last chapter holy shit??? looks like i'll have to leave yall on a cliffhanger more often, huh? jk haha ily all
> 
> shoutout to @akinvri @paperwhale @puppykihyun @Sotokun @EmberYouth @Missnoname whose comments never fail to make me smile/scream every chapter <3 anyway, hope you all enjoy this update!!

_It’s fine, Jooheon, everything is fine. Just play it cool and no one will know that your life is spiralling out of control. Haha, great plan! Changkyun won’t even know that I’m actually Lee and we can all go home happy – wait, no,_ do _I want him to find out? Isn’t that why Hyungwon-hyung brought him here? Wait no, no one is saying anything this is so awkward oh shit –_

Ignoring how his internal monologue is getting progressively more panicked, Jooheon strides forward and gestures for Changkyun – and oh, he brought a friend? – to come in. Hesitantly, still maintaining that small smile, Changkyun enters.

 

“Thanks, hyung.” He says in that deep voice and _shit_ , Jooheon feels his heart melt like an ice cream in the sun.

 

Politely, Changkyun and his friend – Minhyuk, Jooheon remembers, the other youtuber who seems to be attached to Changkyun at the hip – greet the whole group. After all of them settle down on the comfy plush chairs, Changkyun speaks.

 

“So, Jooheon-hyung… I met Hyungwon-hyung earlier and he mentioned that you wanted me to visit you all back stage? I really appreciate it, thank you so much, but why?” Changkyun asks.

 

 _Yeah, hyung, I wonder why?_ Jooheon shoots Hyungwon a brief glance. “Well, no reason in particular… it’s just that I thought that if you were here, it’d be cool to have you backstage since um, we’re both rappers?”

 

Jooheon thinks that everyone, Changkyun and Minhyuk included, can probably smell the bullshit but much to his relief, Changkyun only nods appreciatively, as if what he just said actually made sense.

 

“Oh, thanks hyung, that’s really thoughtful of you.” Changkyun says, smiling again. _I can’t believe he’s smiling at me. Oh my god, that smile is directed at_ me _._ “But how did you know I’d be here? I didn’t mention that I was a fan when we met at that café, I think?”  


That quickly snaps Jooheon out of his stupor. “Oh! Um… I just… felt that you would be here? I’m not sure man, it might be a rapper thing. Sometimes, I can just feel when something’s about to happen.” _Oh my god, that made even less sense than my last sentence. I sound like my superstitious great aunt._ “Swag.” _Why the fuck did I say that, why am I actually making things_ worse –

Changkyun, once again, _bless him_ , nods but Minhyuk looks doubtful. Screwing up his nose, he says, “I don’t know, Changkyunie never gets any premonitions like that. Unless you count that one time he told our friend Kookie not to dye his hair Park-Jimin-pink because he’d look terrible. He did.”

 

At that, Hoseok bursts into a fit of laughter. Instantly, Jooheon can see why Minhyuk is a famous youtuber. He has a knack for being funny even when he isn’t intending to be. But then a strange thing happens. Minhyuk’s eyes widen at Hoseok’s laughter and his mouth snaps shut, seemingly incapable of saying more. His eyes widen at Hoseok, with something akin to awe. Glancing at Changkyun, Jooheon sees that his lips are curled into an amused smirk.

 

“Sorry,” Changkyun says. “He’s a huge fan.”

 

 _That_ breaks MInhyuk out of his stupefied silence. He slaps Changkyun’s shoulder, scowling. “So are you, hypocrite! Who was twerking his ass off to _Oi_ half an hour ago?”

 

Looking scandalized, Changkyun whispers something furiously into MInhyuk’s ear, who only shrugs and grins. _He’s so cute_ , Jooheon thinks. Changkyun twerking to _Oi_ though? Jooheon makes a mental note to revisit that thought.

 

“As cute as your bantering is,” Hyungwon breaks in smoothly. “I think we’d better give Jooheonie and Changkyun some alone time. Jooheon, you have something to tell Changkyun, _right_?”

 

Jooheon thinks he can actually _see_ all of his group members’ eyes swerve towards him with interest, but they all nod agreeably.

 

“C’mon Minhyuk, have you ever seen the backstage at a concert before?” Kihyun says cheerily. _That’s uncanny,_ Jooheon thinks. _Kihyun as a_  cheerful _tour guide_. He shudders internally.

 

“Yeah, let’s go!” Hyungwon says, grabbing Minhyuk by the sleeve. Compliantly, looking half-dazed, Minhyuk lets himself be dragged away, leaving Jooheon utterly alone with Changkyun. In the process, Hoseok and Hyunwoo have disappeared as well, probably off to the gym as usual. _Traitors_.

 

“So… what was it you wanted to tell me?” Changkyun asks uncertainly, fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket. Jooheon fights the overwhelming urge to hold his hands to stop them from fidgeting.

 

“Well… I—“ Jooheon begins.

 

_It’s now or never. I should just come out and say it. “Hi Changkyun, I’m Jooheon. But you may also know me as Lee, and I also know you as I.M. Surprise?” Honestly, what’s the worst that can happen?_

_Well, he could get angry that you’ve been lying to him the entire time you’ve known him and cut ties with you forever. There’s that._ The voice in the back of his mind supplies helpfully. He swallows, but his throat feels dry, the nervousness making him want to bolt away from the room. Suddenly, he’s acutely aware that Changkyun is still waiting for a response.

 

“Well I guess it’s because of when I met you that day at the café…” _That’s good, ease him into it, start with something that makes sense._

“You were really nice when you bumped into me that day, like a really chill guy, you know? You felt really familiar, like we were already friends.” _Okay, time to drop the bomb._

“So-I-guess-I-was-just-wondering-if-you-maybe-want-to-be-friends-we-can-exchange-numbers-and-talk-about-rap-and-stuff? If you’re cool with it?” Jooheon rushes out in one breath.

 

Constrasting to his own feelings of sinking disappointment with himself, Changkyun looks shocked but immensely _happy_. He breaks out into a full blown smile, eyes curving into crescents and Jooheon swears he will _never_ get used to that smile.

 

“Of course,” Changkyun says warmly. “Here’s my phone.”

 

“Great,” Jooheon says weakly. He tries to summon up the same level of enthusiasm as Changkyun but fails, knowing that he probably just screwed up what was his best chance at telling Changkyun the truth.

 

They exchange numbers and promises to keep in touch. Shortly after, Minhyuk and Changkyun thank them profusely once again and leave.

 

“So… did you do it?” Hyungwon asks.

 

In response, Jooheon walks to the couch and firmly plants his face into it, before letting loose a muffled scream.

 

“I’ll take that as a no, then.” Hyungwon sighs.

 

“I did exchange numbers with him though. That counts for _something_. I’m one step closer to telling him the truth.”

 

“Whatever you say, Heonie.” Kihyun says. “Wait – but if you gave him your phone number wouldn’t he know it’s you? Since he has ‘Lee’’s KKT and everything.”

 

“Nope,” Jooehon says dejectedly. “That would be convenient but I already thought of that in the past. So I bought a separate phone under a different number.”

 

“Wow,” Hyungwon says. “Now that’s just _sad_.”

 

There’s a silence that none of them feel like breaking, until Hoseok pipes up.

 

“Wait, sorry to cut into Jooheon’s teen romance drama but who was that guy with him? He was… cute.”

 

✖  


**maknae protection squad (group):** _dad, gudetama, ramen and memewon_

**memewon:** lmao jooheon when i.m stepped into the room

 

 **gudetama:** omg not called the memelord for nothing

 **gudetama:** thank u for bringing i.m over btw the drama is really spicing up my life

 

 **dad:** stop bullying jooheon I approve of him and i.m

**memewon:** weewoo weewoo hyunwoo hyung has discovered what shipping is

 

 **ramen:** omg what a supportive dad

 **ramen:** this year I’m buying u a #1 Dad mug for father’s day

 

 **dad:** again??

 

 **gudetama:** okay but I can’t believe that i.m actually ate up all that bullshit jooheon was spewing

 **gudetama:** the poor boy looked like he believed every word

 

 **ramen:** aww he’s as oblivious and guillible as heonie is <3 that’s why they’re perfect for each other

 

 **gudetama:** who are we kIDDING that kid needs to be protected too

 

 **ramen:** so are we officially bringing i.m under maknae protection squad watch

 

 **dad:** yes

 

✖

 

**Lee [12:41am]**

so i.m…. just wondering

do u happen to like oi

off the beautiful album

 

**I.M [12:46am]**

yeah of course!

I like every song tbh

 

**Lee [12:47am]**

oh okay cool…cool…

I was just wondering if u wld ever consider posting a dance cover or something

 

**I.M [12:48am]**

haha why?

I don’t dance though

 

**Lee [12:48am]**

oh no reason!! just that I heard from someone that rappers who can dance are rly popular nowadays so I just thought id let u know

 

**I.M [12:49am]**

oh really? I didn’t know that

that’s cool

I don’t dance tho so I guess my viewers will just have to settle for my voice

 

**Lee [12:49am]**

please u act as if that’s disappointing when your voice is already more than enough

 

**I.M [12:50am]**

  
thanks man 

**I.M [12:52am]**

okay so I have no idea how to say this bc you’re definitely not going to believe it but I’ve been dYING to tell you this the whole day

 

**Lee [12:53am]**

dude I believed u that time you told me our entire lives were probably a simulation based off that conspiracy theory you read

I think I’ll believe whatever you’re going to say next

 

**I.M [12:53am]**

hmm are you sure bc I mET LEE MOTHERFUCKING JOOHEON AGAIN TODAY AND GOT HIS PHONE NUMBER I HAVE NO IDEA HOW BUT IT HAPPENED

 

 

**Lee [12:53am]**

w h at hOW???  
not what I was expecting for sure

 

**I.M [12:54am]**

I was at the mx concert and hyungwon told me to go backstage when I bumped into him at the toilets (long story)

and when I went backstage jooheon asked for my number

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

sorry. still not over it yknow I lov jooheon

 

**Lee [12:55am]**

SDGHJSDKLFALSDAGKGJK

oh my god dude that is so fuckin cool im glad ur happy!!!

i  _am_ questioning hyungwon's life decisions though 

at the portable toilets? what the fuck lmao 

 

**I.M [12:56am]**

BSHDGFKSDLGLSAJLG;204395;sd;l

 

**Lee [12:56am]**

i.m? u okay there haha

**I.M [12:56am]**

HIHIHIHIHI

this is kkukkung’s friend!!!!

I just wanted to let u know he’s been lying on the bed staring into space ever since we got back from the concert

occasionally he screams and kicks his feet into the air

probably whenever he rmbrs he actually has his precious jooheonie’s phone no. now

just thought u’d like to kno heheeeBSDJFLJKLDSFJ

goDDAMN I CAN’T BELIEVE HE SNATCHED MY PHONE LIKE THAT AND TEXTED YOU WHILE CLIMBING UP THE CEILING

I DON’T NEED A NINJA AS A BEST FRIEND

 

**Lee [12:57am]**

HAHAHAHA OH GOD

minhyuk?  


**I.M [12:58am]**

huh yeah how’d you know

OH wait yeah

I forgot you actually watched my vids (and minhyuk’s?) before this

it’s kind of weird though haha you probably know more about me than I know about you

wait no!!! you know me it’s just idk I don’t really know anything about your life I guess?

wait nO please don’t feel obliged to answer me I’m just blurting out whatever at this point I think I’m high from the concert I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable!!!

 

**Lee [12:59am]**

haha it’s fine man I get it

there’s not really much to know though…?

I’m just a random 22 y/o guy ,, yknow I work at that cafe and… I really don’t know what else to tell u? u know I work with gihyun and hoseok too they’re some of my closest friends so u already know my social circle

 

**I.M [1:00am]**

yea man idk what I was thinking ahaha don’t feel pressured to share personal details or anything ;;;;

anyway tell gihyun to teach you to play overwatch already

I don’t want to kick your ass _too_ badly when we meet up

 

**Lee [1:02am]**

i.m? can I ask a question?

 

**I.M [1:03am]**

yea shoot

 

**Lee [1:04am]**

disclaimer: idw to make u uncomfortable man don’t feel the need to answer this but

we talk about that kind of thing a lot… like we’re gg meet up and stuff

but would you really be open to that? eventually?

 

**I.M [1:10am]**

…yea

I would

sorry you know I have life shit to sort out so I can’t right now… but eventually yeah :)

 

Jooheon lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. _So that’s why I felt dizzy-ish, who would’ve guessed._ He has no idea what came over him at that moment, but without knowing whether _he_ would ever be ready to tell Changkyun his real identity and impulsively asking him that question… he somehow doesn’t regret doing it.

 

Switching off his phone with a soft _click_ , Jooheon rolls over and smiles into his pillow.

 

Unknown to him, there is another boy in Korea, who is backspacing an entire paragraph of embarrassing, cheesy words and biting back a delighted grin, before tossing his phone onto his bed and rolling over to sleep.

 

✖

**[maknae protection squad]**

**gudetama:** so… is nobody going to talk about the fact that jooheon just screamed out of nowhere like 10 minutes ago  
  


**memewon:** probably texting his bf again

 

 **ramen:** suddenly questioning if I really want them to meet irl if they’re this bad over text what will they be like irl

**gudetama:** if you do anything to disrupt the ship I will cut u hoseokkie :-)

**memewon:**

** **

 

 **ramen:** geez okay backing off

 

✖

 

 _Tap. Tap. Tap._  
  


_Keeping time, steady, unlike the erratic beating of his heart._

_Pen scratching. Soft clicks from a keyboard._

_He tries to focus, process what’s happened but his eyes keep losing focus, the world tilting before his eyes. Everything feels numb and even when people speak to him, it’s as he’s underwater, only hearing muffled sounds. The only thing he can keep up is the steady tapping of his fingers on his knee._

_Tap. Tap. Ta – BAM._

 

_The door slams open and Changkyun’s head snaps up, fingers halting their rhythmic tapping. The world snaps into jarring clarity, vision sharpening and noises flaring, almost painfully loud. Instantly, his eyes meet Matthew’s. In that moment, they exchange a rush of feelings, guilt, anger, disbelief, hurt._

_With a roaring in his ears, Changkyun stands. He stumbles a little, but rights himself and takes firm steps towards Matthew, who looks away pointedly. Distantly, he hears his mother telling him to stop and her fingers curl around his arm protectively, but he wrenches himself away._

_The officer holding Matthew’s arms behind his back shakes his head. “You can’t speak to him, sir, we have not completed the interrogation process –“_

 

_Changkyun cuts him off, plants himself right in front of Matthew, forcing him to meet his eyes. He whispers, furious but with a hint of desperation._

_“Did you… Did you ever love me at all? Or was that just an act for Ashton?”_

_Matthew doesn’t respond, subtly turning his face away. Changkyun swallows, and it feels like acid down his throat, burning all the way down._

_“Answer me, Kim Jinseok. Don’t you fucking stand there as if you have the right to ignore me after all this.”_

_“Sir, we really can’t have you –“_

_“WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO TELL YOU, HUH?” The sudden burst of rage catches everyone off guard, including the officer who has to visibly tighten his grip on Matthew’s arms. Matthew strains against his grip, leaning forward to hiss into Changkyun’s face._

_“If I told you I did love you, would it make you feel better? Would it? Or if I told you that I never gave two shits about you, would it make a difference?” Matthew pauses, then chuckles without humor. “Do you really believe I was that good of an actor? You don’t get to sit there and play the helpless victim,_ Daniel _. You didn’t stop me when I took the drugs, you didn’t stop me when I stole from that store. You only care when it affects_ you _– you’re a selfish asshole and you know it –“_

_“THAT’S_ ENOUGH _.” The officer jerks Matthew away and Matthew sags in his grip, although the triumphant grin on his face shows that he feels far from disappointed. He’s said what he needed to say and he’s_ won _._

_Changkyun forces himself to stand tall although he’s trembling with an emotion he can’t identify and the world feels like it’s shattering under his feet._

He wakes up with a gasping breath. For a terrifying five seconds, it feels like he can’t breath, just like when he had his first panic attack back in Boston. Then, his heart rate slows and his breathing gradually slows back to normal.

 

Wearily, he scrubs his face. _Tears?_

 

This is the part Changkyun hates the most. Even after several months have passed, even after something unbelievably _good_ had happened the day before, sometimes, it feels like he’ll never be rid of the memories. Like he’ll never be strong enough to overcome the stupid nightmares.

 

 _Oh shit,_ he thinks, glancing at the time. _Minhyuk wants to collab today and he’ll kill me if I’m late_ again _. And what’s worse, I’m going to look like shit in his new video._

With a surprising amount of relief, he leaves the bed. _Maybe,_ he thinks, _it’d be better if I don’t sleep tonight_.

✖  


The second Minhyuk looks at his puffy eyes, ruffled hair and the general slump in his posture, he demands Changkyun lie down on his couch and call the video off.

 

Several protests from Changkyun later (“Hyung, don’t worry about me, I’m fine, really. It’s nothing! And you already told your viewers you’re uploading today, I don’t want to disappoint.), Minhyuk reluctantly obliges but only with the agreement that Changkyun tells him what happened later.

 

Without further ado, Minhyuk starts the video, probably with the aim of finishing filming as quickly as possible.

 

“Hey Minmoongies! So, I’m here with I.M who all of you  should know by now and today, we’re doing something a little different. Those of you who follow my Twitter already know but for the rest of you, we’ll be doing an acoustic cover of Monsta X’s latest song, Beautiful. Hope you guys enjoy it!”

 

Minhyuk starts strumming and singing, his voice soft and melodious, with a tinge of regretful and bittersweet feelings. Changkyun loses himself in the song, unable to take his mind off the memories he relived the night before. Even as he raps, his eyes are distant and unfocused, his voice rough with hurt so genuine it surprises himself.

 

And before he knows it, the song ends.

 

“One-take.” Minhyuk says softly. “Great job, Changkyunnie. Now can we talk about what’s going on with you?”

 

Changkyun pretends not to hear, stalling, if only a little while. His eyes remain glued to his phone, where notifications are already popping up on his Twitter.

 

 _@IMwhatiam @aka-minhyukuuu_ OMG THAT COVER WAS SO BEAUTIFUL I THINK I CRIED BLOOD WTH YOUR TALENT IS OFF THE CHARTS I WOULD SELL MY SOUL TO HEAR THIS LIVE

 _@IMwhatiam @aka-minhyukuuu_ the emotions in this cover were so genuine I could legit feel myself tearing up and by the end I was bawling. truly beautiful. that said, is IM-oppa okay? he seemed really sad, like not just acting…

 _@IMwhatiam @aka-minhyukuuu_ yeah this was actually aMAZING but I’m worried about IM?? he seemed genuinely upset over something. whatever it is, he has my support and I hope he feels better soon!! <33333

 _@IMwhatiam @aka-minhyukuuu_ I.M PLEASE FEEL BETTER SOON WE LOVE YOU AND WE DON’T WANT YOU TO FEEL SAD </3333 ALTHOUGH I CAN’T DO ANYTHING DON’T WORRY THINGS WILL LOOK UP SOON!! rmb that you’re precious and you deserve so much happiness <3333

 

“Even our followers are noticing Changkyunnie. Please tell me what happened, I promise you’ll feel better after.” Minhyuk says gently, shifting closer to him slowly. “I’m going to hug you now, is that okay?”  


Mutedly, Changkyun nods. Minhyuk draws him into a warm embrace and Changkyun lets out a choked sob, leaning into his shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry hyung, it’s been so long and I don’t know why it’s still happening… I’m sorry you have to deal with me always being so weak…”

 

Minhyuk rubs his back and pats his head gently, but his voice is firm. “None of this is your fault, Kyun. And you’re _not_ weak. There are so few people who could go through an experience like that and come out as strong as you are. You still have the courage to smile everyday, even when it’s hard, and try to make to make others happy. I couldn’t do it. You’re so fucking strong, Changkyun. Don’t make me fight you, just accept that I’m right because I’m your hyung alright?”

 

Fingers curling tighter around Minhyuk's shirt, Changkyun chokes out a laugh, shaking his head disbelievingly. “Of course hyung, you’re always right.” More quietly, he adds. “Thanks, hyung. I feel a little better.”

 

Fondly, Minhyuk strokes his head. “Good. Now, let me treat you to some _bulgeolgi_ alright, because I’m your hyung and you listen to me!”

 

✖

**I.M [11:46pm]**

lee? you there?

you know that thing that I said I wasn’t ready to tell you before?

I… I think I’m ready now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha... why do I sense all of you coming after me like kihyun with the knife... I'm sorry :') 
> 
> btw you guys who didn't forget about Matthew despite my efforts to make everything so fluffy y'all would forget about him... good job, you guys are sharp!! and for those who gave me well wishes for my health etc, tysm you guys are so sweet aaa <3 
> 
> sorry for the slow updates but I promise I'm trying my best :) see you next update!!


	9. not an update!!

hi everyone I'm really sorry this isn't an update but I haven't been writing and don't plan to until 19 Nov, which is the end of my exams. I do this primarily for fun so since my academics take precedence I'll be focusing my effort on that for now. 

 

thank you so much for your kind comments last chapter - wishing me well for my health and studies ❤️ It really means a lot to me :) and of course, I love comments that are just incoherent screaming too HAHA looking at you @akinvri (jk ily)

 

until next time, thank you in advance for your patience!! you guys have been really kind and understanding so far, which i'm really grateful for :) 

 

ily and see you all soon!! 

ps. i'll be deleting this message when I update with the new chapter after 19 nov


	10. chapter nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone!! first off, I want to thank you all for being so patient and understanding with me and my super slow updates :') my exams are finally over now so I can work on this fic in peace!! updates will probably be more regular now (maybe weekly?) 
> 
> anyway, special shoutout to these people who I love very much: @akinvri @paperwhale @taelights @puppykihyun @Sotokun @EmberYouth @Silverfyre16 @justanotherchangkyun stan 
> 
> your comments made me smile <33
> 
> PS. this chapter starts off with heavier angst than usual but it does lighten up a lot towards the end so don't worry!! hope you enjoy :)

**I.M [11:46pm]**

lee I know you said that you’d be here for me anytime and I really am grateful for that but if I’m burdening you in any way please let me know and I’ll stop !!

bc this gets pretty heavy and I just

don’t want to dump this emotional baggage all on you yknow?

 

**Lee [11:47pm]**

i.m cmon I thought you’d know me better than that ,, you’re not a burden to me at all

seriously don’t worry about it I want to help in any way I can

you’ve been there for me in my low moments and when I’m most stressed out too – least I can do is return the favour :’)

 

**I.M [11:48pm]**

ah I don’t know where to start ;;;

honestly it sounds dramatic but the whole thing probably started when I was a kid

you might know this if you’ve watched minhyuk’s earlier vlogs but I used to live in Boston before coming to sk this year

back then I’d just moved there from sk so I didn’t know any english and couldn’t make many friends

in fact I was bullied pretty frequently in school for being… different I guess

I mean I mostly spoke korean at first, didn’t really understand the culture there and there’s the fact that I’m pan too

(holy shit did I just casually come out to you oh god aha I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable or anything)

 

**Lee [11:49pm]**

I’m sorry you had to go through that i.m you really don’t deserve it

I wish I was there in boston with you I would’ve fought those assholes off

I mean I have no fighting skill whatsoever but I’ve heard my face can look pretty intimidating

(and yes you kind of did just come out to me but no it doesn’t make me uncomfortable in any way. I’m bi btw if that helps ease u a little??)

 

**I.M [11:50pm]**

haha thanks I really wish you’d been there too actually ,, you could have challenged them to a rap battle

okay but it wasn’t all bad bc I made one friend there

he was korean too so we could communicate well and he pretty much became my best friend since we always went to the same schools

 

**Lee [11:51pm]**

im sensing that there’s a ‘but’…?

 

**I.M [11:51pm]**

but when we were 14 he got mixed up with the wrong company

and I really mean this group of older teens who were into drugs, smoking, stealing and all that

I tried to stop him but he never took me seriously

It got to a point where we had this huge fight over it

And at that point I was just so scared I would lose the only real friend I had that I just sort of… gave up

If he went out drinking and smoking when we were 16 I’d cover for him with his parents

If he stole something minor from a store I’d help provide him with an alibi

everything he did… I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stand to lose him either

bc he wasn’t just my only friend

he became my boyfriend when we turned 16

but things were getting worse and worse… he wasn’t just stealing or drinking anymore

things went even further downhill when ashton – the leader of his gang or whatever it was – introduced him to drugs

he started getting irritable and moody all the time but only towards me,, he’d have these irrational moments where I couldn’t even tell what he was thinking but once he’d gotten his fix he’d suddenly turn all sweet and loving again

I was just so confused and I didn’t know what to do so I just kept doing what I was doing before – turning a blind eye to practically everything he did

well… up until

 

**Lee [11:55pm]**

i.m? are you okay? you don’t have to continue if you don’t want to

 

**I.M [11:55pm]**

no it’s fine!! thank you for being so patient with me and my essay ha

it’s just that this part gets harder for me to talk about

 

**Lee [11:56pm]**

take your time you don’t need to rush

 

**I.M [11:57pm]**

the breaking point was when I caught him stealing my parents’ money to buy drugs for both his gang and himself

 

**Lee [11:57pm]**

WHAT

**I.M [11:57pm]**

I just felt so hurt and betrayed I couldn’t think clearly

I called the police on him and he got sentenced to six months in jail

I didn’t bring up the underage drinking, smoking or even the drugs so he only got charged for stealing

but I think he still blames me for the jail time

I’d never seen him so angry before

he seemed like he really hated me

it made me so scared ,, more than I like to admit

I tried to live life as per normal since I’d made a few more friends by then, mostly youtubers but I couldn’t stop feeling uneasy

so once there was an opportunity I moved back to sk

the thing is I

I

 

**Lee [11:59pm]**

i.m?

 

**I.M [12:00am]**

I’m sorry

 

**Lee [12:00am]**

wait wait

can I call u?

don’t feel pressured to agree if it makes uncomfortable!! I know this is kind of sudden but it just seems u need someone to talk to rn… and typing makes it harder to express things sometimes

 

**I.M [12:01am]**

yeah

yeah actually okay

that’d be great

 

_Ring. Ring._

****

_“Hey.”_ Changkyun’s voice sounds deep and undeniably _attractive_ over the phone, Jooheon notices, but it also sounds a little scratchy, almost like he’d been crying beforehand.

 

“Hey.” Jooheon replies, a little hesitant, praying that this reckless decision wouldn’t cost him his identity. Voices over the phone should be pretty different, right?

 

_“Ah… somehow you don’t sound like I expected,”_ Changkyun says unexpectedly, a note of humor in his voice. 

 

“What did you expect?”

 

_“I thought your voice would be… higher? I don’t know, actually. But your voice – it sounds – um, nice.”_ Changkyun says, a little awkwardly. Internally, Jooheon coos but he knows that have to get back to the subject at hand.

 

“Thanks, but do you want to continue talking about what you were saying before? I’ll wait if you’re not ready now.” Jooheon says.

 

He hears Changkyun take a deep breath over the phone. _“What I wanted to say earlier is that… the thing is, I know that this whole thing is my fault.”_

Jooheon sucks in a breath. _What?_ But before he can’t protest, Changkyun plows on.

 

_“It was because I was selfish from the beginning. If I’d really tried to stop him, maybe he wouldn’t have gone down this path. Maybe we would have lost our friendship, yeah, but anything would be better than where he is now. He was a good student, you know, always top of our Chemistry class. But he’s got a criminal record now and I doubt he’s going to stay away from Ashton’s gang just because of this one experience – and on top of that, I can’t stop having nightmares about him.”_ Changkyun admits, guilt and worry all mixed up in his tone. 

 

“I.M… I’m really sorry you had to go through all this shit, you really don’t deserve it but you can’t keep blaming yourself either. It’s not your fault he chose this path. I get that you’d feel some responsibility because he’s your friend, but you _did_ try to stop him multiple times and he was too stubborn to listen. You can’t get hung up over the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’, just like how you can’t take responsibilities for someone else’s decisions. In the end, it was up to him. And the nightmares – have you talked about them to anyone? Besides me, I mean.” Jooheon asks gently.

 

_“Yeah. Minhyuk being there helps a lot.”_ Changkyun replies _. “Life is normal for me right now. I’m not depressed or anything – but sometimes at night, the nightmares just… come back.”_

 

“It was a traumatic experience, I.M, no one can blame you for being upset.” Jooheon says soothingly. “It’s good that you’re seeking help from your friends. As long as you don’t keep things bottled up, it will heal with time.”

_“Thanks, Lee. It was a really good idea to talk to you about this. You’re really one of my closest… friends.”_ Changkyun adds, shyly. Jooheon feels a burst of warmth in his chest. _Friends, he considers me a close friend!_

_“But there’s one more thing, although I’m not really sure if I’m just being paranoid or not.”_ Changkyun says, voice lowering into a worried tone again. _“There’s this user on twitter, mtwkxm, he’s been commenting on my posts, saying that he’s coming to South Korea and asking if I’ve missed him, stuff like that. And… he calls me Daniel, which is the name I went by in Boston.”_

 

There’s a hollow feeling in Jooheon’s stomach. _No. No way._ “Matthew is coming… here? To South Korea?”

 

There’s a weighty silence on the other end. “I think so, yeah. That’s probably why the nightmares have been getting worse.”

 

“Oh fuck,” Jooheon hisses. “Wait, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to curse – shit, ah, really I’m so bad at this. Okay, have you told Minhyuk or any of your other friends who live near to you?”

 

_“Um, I’ve only told Minhyuk.”_ Changkyun says.

“Ah… it might be kind of inconvenient if your place is small, but have you considered asking Minhyuk to room with you for the time being? It might be dangerous for you to be alone right now.” Jooheon says.

 

_“Aw, are you worried about me?”_ Changkyun laughs, his tone a little closer to normal. “But yeah, actually, that’s a really good idea. I’ll text him tomorrow. Thanks, Lee.”

 

Jooheon frowns, slightly exasperated. “Of course I’m worried, dumbass. Just do anything to make sure you’re safe, alright? I would come over to punch the guy myself, I really want to but for obvious reasons, I can’t, so protect yourself, okay?” _Shit, does it sound like I’m pushing for us to meet up? I hope he doesn’t take it that way._

 

Thankfully, Changkyun laughs again, a note of relief in his voice. _“Okay okay, I will. I don’t want to bother you anymore since it’s already so late but seriously, thank you so much, Lee.”_

 

“It’s really no problem at all,” Jooheon says.

 

_“I’m sorry our first time calling each other turned out like this. I kind of envisoned something a little more fun and a lot less ‘depressing tragic backstory’.”_ Changkyun sighs. _“I promise it’ll be more fun next time.”_

_Next time? There’s going to be a next time!_ Jooheon can’t help but smile to himself elatedly. “Of course. See you then.”

 

There’s a click that indicates the call has ended. Jooheon lays back in his bed, mind swimming with various thoughts, both excited at having an actual conversation on the phone with Changkyun, and worry over his situation. Still, the thought that Changkyun is seeking help from his friends brings some relief to his mind and allows him to finally fall asleep.

 

✖

 

“Hey there Minmoongies! Look at I.M and I, actually out of the house for once! Amazing, right?” Minhyuk grins into the camera, then swings it around to show off the scenery, mainly the cute exterior of the café they’re about to enter. “ _How is weather outside? It’s nice weather outside – it’s sunny. It’s rainy, no, no, no rain! It’s sunny~”_ He attempts in broken English, that causes Changkyun to snort in laughter.

 

Changkyun hums a little to himself. His heavy mood from the previous days has been significantly lifted by the conversation – actual _talking_ over the _phone –_ with Lee yesterday. Everything feels lighter and he didn’t even have any nightmares last night. Just an… _interesting_ dream about what Lee might look like based on his voice. Maybe someone tall… strong… yet cute, based on the stupid aegyo he was fond of doing over text… _no, that’s dumb_ , Changkyun shakes his head to clear his head of the nonsense it’s spewing.

 

“Come on, Kkukkungie, let’s go in!” Minhyuk grabs his hand and leads him into the cute café. Light, cheerful music tinkles through the speakers, giving the whole café a warm atmosphere.

 

Just as he’s looking at the menu, he hears a familiar voice from behind. For a second, his heart stops. _What? No way –_

“Huh? Changkyun, is that you?”

 

Changkyun turns. “Oh! It’s you, Jooheon-hyung.” For some strange reason, he feels both excited… and a little disappointed.

 

“How are you today? You seem pretty happy.” Jooheon says, sounding oddly cautious for such a simple question.

 

“Good, actually. I had a talk with a friend and slept well last night.” Changkyun says, fondly thinking of Lee’s voice, which sounded so _gentle_ when he was comforting him and endearing when he was worrying over him.

 

Jooheon smiles, a shy kind of smile that makes it almost seem like he’s smiling to himself. “That’s great to hear.”

 

Before they can continue, Minhyuk bounces back over to Changkyun’s side. “Kkukkungie they have –“ His eyes widen in sudden realization as he takes notice of exactly who Changkyun was talking to.

 

“You’re Lee Jooheon!” Minhyuk exclaims, before realizing that maybe that isn’t something that he should broadcast to the whole café. Thankfully, no fans run over screaming. Lowering his voice to a whisper, he repeats, “You’re _Lee Jooheon_.”

 

Thankfully, Jooheon takes his odd behaviour into stride and laughs. “Yup, I am. Minhyuk-ssi, right? We met at the concert the other day.”

 

“Oh my god, you remember me.” Minhyuk’s voice climbs an octave in awe. He grabs Changkyun’s shoulder and shakes him a little. “Jooheon remembers me!”

 

“You met him like, _two_ days ago, hyung,” Changkyun shakes his head. Turning to Jooheon, he adds, “But uh – not that I’m not happy to see you or anything. It’s nice to see you again, hyung!”

 

“Aw, you seem so much less starstruck at seeing me than before,” Jooheon pouts at Changkyun with the face he _knows_ is effective against most people. Right on cue, Changkyun ducks his head and laughs.

 

However, he recovers quickly from his flustered response and says with a sly little smile, “Well, maybe you aren’t as cool as I initially thought, hyung.”

 

Laughing mostly out of surprise at Changkyun’s bold response, Jooheon smacks him lightly on the shoulder. Then, he grins out of genuine delight that Changkyun is slowly getting more comfortable with him. “And _I_ thought you were a cute little dongsaeng, but turns out you’re just a brat!”

 

“Okay, but honestly I’ve already met you a couple of times? Wouldn’t it be a little weird if I still acted like a starstruck fan?” Changkyun admits. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

 

“I don’t think it’d really make me that uncomfortable, it’d probably just be cute,” Jooheon laughs, thinking back on all the screaming texts that I.M has sent him in the past, paragraph after paragraph of reasons why Monsta X is amazing, fully typed in capital letters. While reveling in his memory, he misses out on the bright flush that spreads over Changkyun’s cheeks.

 

“Yeah, what’d _really_ make things awkward would be –“ Minhyuk leans over and whispers something conspiratorily into Changkyun’s ear. Instantly, Changkyun turns a bright red, triggering Jooheon’s curiosity. _What could Minhyuk have said that would make him that embarrassed._

Seemingly noticing Jooheon’s curious stare, Changkyun coughs and abruptily changes the subject. “So – um, I’m sure you’re busy and everything, what with you being an idol so I guess we’d better let you get going…?”

 

_Oh._ “Actually… I have a free day today so I’m down if you want to hang out for a while?” Jooheon quickly elaborates once he sees the shocked look on Changkyun and Minhyuk’s faces. “I mean, I really have nothing to do today. I was probably just going to the studio, if you want to come?”

 

“Oh my god.” Changkyun says in English – _note to self, ask him to speak English more because holy shit –_ “That’d be really cool, if it’s not too much trouble? We’ll try our best not to get in your way.”

 

Jooehon waves him off. “Nah, you won’t be in the way. It’d be nice to have company over. Usually it’s just me, a bowl of ramen and five cups of coffee in the late hours of the night.”

 

Solemnly, Changkyun nods. “Rapper culture. Anyway, if you’re sure we won’t be a bother then I’m down.”

 

Suddenly, Minhyuk smacks his forehead with a dramatic gasp. “Oh no! I just remembered I have something super important to do! This sounds fun and everything but I really have to feed my hamster so I have to get going! Have fun you two –“

 

Looking alarmed at Minhyuk’s sudden declaration, Changkyun pulls him back by the sleeve of his sweater. “What? We don’t have a hamster, hyung.”

 

Seemingly blocking out Changkyun’s interjection, Minhyuk yanks his sleeve away and rushes out the door, after explaining that “Princess Tootsie will die without food!”

 

Jooheon looks back to see Changkyun staring at the doorway through which Minhyuk disappeared, jaw open and eyes wide. If he looks closely, he can see one of his eyes twitching.

 

“Well… it’s nice that he cares so much about his hamster?” Jooheon tries, pretending he buys into Minhyuk’s obvious lie, in an attempt to salvage the awkward situation.

 

“Sure. Minhyuk’s the most caring, _considerate_ person I know,” Changkyun’s eyes continue to bore into the doorway, tone downright _murderous,_ a complete mismatch to his words.

 

The two of them wait for their drinks and make more idle chatter after Changkyun cools down from his internal mental breakdown. _Ah, those two really have an interesting dynamic,_ Jooheon thinks to himself on their way to the studio.

 

✖

**bff satan [10:04am]**

lmaoooooo

I am the best friend ever

no

the best WINGMAN ever

did u see how smooth I was

 

**kkukkungie [10:05am]**

which part of that was smooth to you???

I can’t believe you just did that to me

on pURPOSE

 

**bff satan [10:06am]**

u know how big a fan I am of mx but theres no way im gg get in between u and jooheons one on one time

i refuse to be The Cockblock in this r/s

u could at least be a little grateful I gave up spending time w one of my idols for u kyun

 

**kkukkungie [10:06am]**

you left me ALONE

with LEE JOOHEON

how do you expect me to function??

I already don’t know how to function like a regular human being on most days and now you drop THIS on me???

 

**bff satan [10:07am]**

oh cmonnn

u know he’ll lov u for who u r and all that shit

 

**kkkukkungie [10:08am]**

could you at leAST be a little more sincere if you’re going to attempt at giving me an inspirational pep talk

 

**bff satan [10:09am]**

u can do it ‘cute little dongsaeng’

I believe in u

 

**kkukkungie [10:09am]**

DJDKJFLKSKFJDDSFL STOP

idk why he called me that either im sure it just slipped out !!!!!

MINHYUK I HATE YOU HE JUST ASKED ME WHY I ALMOST DROPPED MY PHONE I CANT BELIEVE YOURE TRYING TO EXPOSE ME WHEN YOURE NOT EVEN HERE

 

**bff satan [10:10am]**

lol ure so pure I cant believe ure still friends with me

anyway I gtg so good luck !!

u can do it just do what I would do <333

 

**kkukkungie [10:11am]**

ew no thanks hyung I don’t want jooheon to think I’m a weirdo with no sense of personal space

 

**bff satan [10:12am]**

the dISRESPECKT

im changkyun I did not raise u this way young man

…fine ignore my advice and just be ur socially inept self then

 

✖

 

“Oh what’s this for? I don’t recognise the lyrics from any Monsta X song.” Changkyun says with a curious tilt of his head. Jooheon thinks it makes him look a lot like a cat – which is really _not_ what he should be thinking about right now considering how distracting the notion of that is.

 

“Ah, it’s just one of the drafts I’ve worked on. Not really for anything in particular, just for myself, you know?” Jooheon says, peering over Changkyun’s shoulder to get a closer look at the sheet of paper.

 

“Wow,” Changkyun says with a note of admiration in his voice. “Even for a supposed ‘draft’ this looks good. I really like the lyrics.”

 

“Oh I can’t claim credit for that one,” Jooheon chuckles sheepishly. “Half of those are written by a friend of mine. I mean, I wrote them myself but he gave me a ton of suggestions and feedback.” _Wait? Aren’t those the lyrics to ‘Future’? Shit – I.M and I wrote that together – will he notice? Sure, the actual lyrics are a little different from the way we phrased it originally but the core ideas are the same._ Jooheon panics at the sudden realisation, resisting the urge to rip the paper away from Changkyun’s fingers, knowing full well how suspicious that would look.

 

“Huh, actually, your friend shares similar ideas with me than.” Changkyun says. “Ah, not that I’m trying to say I’m on his level! But our ideals are kind of similar.”

 

Half disappointed, half relieved at his friend’s oblivious nature, Jooheon cracks a smile. “That’s nice. He’s a really great guy.” The irony that he’s telling that to his ‘friend’’s face while Changkyun looks back at him cluelessly is not lost on him.

 

“Anyway!” Jooheon claps his hands together to take Changkyun’s attention away from that incriminating sheet of paper. “You wanna make a song together? Just for fun?”

 

Changkyun’s eyes widen and he grins in pleasant surprise. “Really? Oh my god, that’d be so cool! Let’s get it.”

 

Laughing at the inclusion of his signature ‘ _let’s get it’_ phrase, Jooheon pokes him in the shoulder playfully. “Ah great, you’re my style. Come into the booth then.”

 

The two of them proceed to spend the day recording gibberish that ranges from overly aggressive lyrics – on the verge of parodying rappers who try too hard to assert their dominance – to actually meaningful lyrics that Jooheon may someday include in an actual song. When they’re not recording, they’re lounging around, spinning around on the desk chairs talking about life. At some point, they decide to go out for a snack run and slurp up the spicy ramen together.

 

At the end of the day, Jooheon can’t help but feel immensely relieved. While it’s true that Changkyun in person is a little different to I.M over text – a little more awkward, shy and reserved, a little less daring in his replies – hanging out with him feels almost as comfortable as texting ever did. 

 

“You know Changkyun…” Jooheon says. “I’ve never really told anyone this but even though I love my members – really, they’re the best – sometimes, I feel kind of alone in the studio since I’m the only rapper. It was really nice to have company for once. We should do this again another time?”

For a moment, Changkyun doesn’t say anything. Just studies him with a surprised look in his eyes. Then, his shoulders relax and he grins widely, his eyes disappearing into adorable little crescents, cheeks flashing his dimples. “Of course. I had lots of fun today too, hyung.”

 

On the way back to the dorm, his other worries about being awkward with Changkyun in real life having been relieved, Jooheon is left with only one concern: _How should I tell him the truth?_

✖

**I.M [11:03pm]**

** **

guess who I was with in the recording studio today !!!!  


**Lee [11:05pm]**

wOW look at u

hanging out with idols now

ready to ditch me now that you’ve got cooler friends?

 

**I.M [11:06pm]**

LOL NEVER

who else would be willing to disucss conspiracy theories and watch buzzfeed unsolved with me ??

 

**Lee [11:09pm]**

you’re right I’m the best aren’t I

 

**I.M [11:10pm]**

stop

damn I shouldn’t have boosted your ego like that you’re never gg shut up about this

 

**Lee [11:11pm]**

that’s right bc I’m your bestttt friend

im the legendary i.m’s besttttt friend <3333

oh 11:11 make a wish!!!!

actually no need I know you’ll just wish for me to be your bff forever right

come on don’t ignore me like that

i.m

i.m

 

**I.M [11:15pm]**

new phone who dis

 

**Lee [11:16pm]**

why r u suddenly so mean to me

what are we

who am I to u

minhyuk??

 

**I.M [11:17pm]**

I love how you know that I’m meanest to minhyuk lmao

anyway I have a question but idk how to ask without making things awkward

 

**Lee [11:19pm]**

hate to break it to u but u asked me a week ago whether I believed that there might be aliens in the government

i’m immune to u now I already know that you’re a weirdo

just go ahead

 

**I.M [11:20pm]**

…what do you look like?

 

**Lee [11:21pm]**

HAHAHA what

that’s actually the MOST normal question I’ve gotten from u when u start the sentence off with ‘I have a question’ lmao

well um

idk how I would really describe myself though

tall but not that tall

I’ve been told my face can be kind of scary but I’m also an aegyo king so dw about that

kinda big lips?? idk about this though

and I’m kind of

big sized

idk

not really that good looking haha sorry if you have high expectations or something

 

**I.M [11:22pm]**

lee cmon you know I would never judge you based on looks

(not when I can judge you based on your personality!!! jk)

anyway idk how to prove to you that you’re not as bad looking as you think when I haven’t seen you in person yet but

fight me on this!!! (ง •̀_•́)ง

I bet you look fine in person

 

**Lee [11:23pm]**

I have really good looking friends

like sometimes it’s offensive that they were even born THAT good looking yknow

not great for my self esteem HAHA

anyway I’m rly not that good looking so fight me on THAT Q(｀⌒´Q)

 

**I.M [11:24pm]**

meet me in the pit

I’ll fight you then and prove to you that you look great !!

 

**Lee [11:25pm]**

lmao no offense i.m but you’re so tinie

why do u want to fight all the time

 

**I.M [11:26pm]**

!!!!

excuse me I’m gg take full offense at that

 

**Lee [11:27pm]**

hey im really sorry I have to cut this short ,, got a work shift in 15min

(but thanks :’’))

 

**I.M [11:28pm]**

a wORK SHIFT?? at this time??

getting paid minimum wage at a café is not worth this lee

 

**Lee [11:29pm]**

ha no no really it’s fine I agreed to late shifts when I got the job

and they pay me pretty well actually

 

**I.M [11:30pm]**

but you work morning shifts too??

No wonder your sleeping schedule is so screwed up

ah good luck then!! stay strong and make sure to get your sleep RIGHT AFTER your shift okay <33

 

**Lee [11:30pm]**

got it

thanks <33

 

✖

 

Jooheon watches in amusement as Hyungwon sits on the couch opposite him, eyes droopy and head bobbing every few seconds despite his valiant attempts to stay awake.

 

“Hyung, do you ever wonder what it would be like if I.M was in Monsta X too?” Jooheon asks, tilting his head upwards until it rests against the wall. Hyungwon shrugs, well-accustomed to the weird questions that get asked in the early hours of the morning.

 

“Not really. But I would think…” Hyungwon says thoughtfully, with great deliberation. “…that I would probably have less lines.” After a beat, he continues. “Just kidding. I think it would be great actually – he’s a cute kid and you’d finally bother someone besides me when I’m trying my best not to fall asleep here.”

 

Joohoen scoffs. “Please, hyung, if I hadn’t started talking to you, I’m pretty sure you would have already passed out on the floor. Besides, we had a free day today. Why didn’t you just sleep during that time?”

 

“Why didn’t _you_?” Hyungwon counters. “Anyway, I was busy.”

 

Jooheon waits, but an explanation doesn’t come, which only serves to arouse _more_ suspicion. For the moment, however, he doesn’t choose to press it. “You know… I think Changkyun might actually be the best person ever. He’s so supportive and he really _gets_ me, whether I’m with him as Lee or Jooheon. I really want to meet him so we can be with each other, full-time.” _Wow, I’ve never actually said that out loud before. It’s sappier than I expected._

Hyungwon sighs and gets up, taking a seat next to Jooheon instead. He pats Jooheon’s head fondly. “You should. You might be scared of his response but I think telling him the truth sooner is much better than later. You’re an idol, he’ll understand why you had to hide your identity at first.”

 

“…Okay.”

 

✖

 

**matthew hyung [11:34pm]**

hey thanks for your help earlier

you know how changkyunie is sometimes… so independent and sometimes he just disappears sigh

 

**jihyun [11:34pm]**

no problem!

yup I get it haha our changkyunie is like that sometimes

he and our parents barely contact me rn since I’ve been studying abroad (;﹏;)

they probably think I’m busy

I’m gg kick my brother’s ass the next time I see him for abandoning me like this

 

**matthew hyung [11:35pm]**

haha don’t worry I’m sure you’ll see him soon

 

**jihyun [11:35pm]**

say hi to him for me okay

 

**matthew hyung [11:36pm]**

of course :)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wondering, what do you think minhyuk whispered to changkyun in the beginning of this chapter? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	11. chapter ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! sorry that the wait's been a bit long ;;; this chapter is a little shorter than usual too but it's for the sake of pacing so I hope you guys understand! Don't worry, I've started on the next chapter as well :) The next chapter will be up within a week or so. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this one!! Thank you for always being so patient and kind with me, leaving all your comments and kudos means a lot <333
> 
> oh and PS. what Minhyuk told Changkyun in the previous chapter was "jooheonsthighs.tumblr.com" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) so CONGRATS TO THOSE WHO GOT IT RIGHT!

“Look, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, okay? It’s just a suggestion I’m throwing out here because… a friend gave me the idea.” Changkyun chews on his lower lip nervously. “I know it’d be a little cramped but I have another mattress you can –“

 

“Oh come on, Kkukkung! Just spit it out already, you know I’d do anything for you.” Minhyuk throws him arms up dramatically. With a greasy wink, he adds, “I’m practically your knight in shining armor.”

 

Relieved that Minhyuk broke the tension effortlessly as he always does, Changkyun snorts jokingly. “Yeah _right,_ hyung. Just like that time you locked me in the bathroom with that spider until I killed it because ‘sacrificing you is better than letting it get the both of us’.”

 

MInhyuk pouts. “Come on, you know I don’t like spiders. Anyway stop deflecting, you’re getting good at that. Just tell me what the suggestion is.”

 

“Okay so… I was wondering if you could come live with me for a while? Just until the whole… Matthew thing blows over I guess.” Changkyun says.

 

“Oh.” Minhyuk blinks. “That’s it? I thought you wanted one of my kidneys to sell on the black market to pay for your tuition or something. Sure, that’s fine. I can move in by Friday?”  


“Yeah, that’d be great. Honestly, it’d make me feel much safer.” Changkyun admits. “Thanks, hyung.”

 

“Don’t thank me yet, you owe me a favour now. Next time I have to pay rent you might need to hand over one of your kidneys.” Minhyuk jokes. “Anyway, who was the friend who made that suggestion anyway?”

 

“Oh that, uh –“ Changkyun hesitates, not knowing how Minhyuk might take his answer. “It was Lee.”

 

Minhyuk’s eyes widen a fraction. Changkyun winces a little, fully cognisant of what a weighty meaning he would attach to him telling someone else about the Matthew issue.

 

“Lee...” Minhyuk ponders. “You trust him?”

 

“Yeah.” _More than I ever thought I would._

“Well, at risk of sounding like my dad, I trust you to make good choices Changkyunnie.” Minhyuk says, stretching, taking it more calmly than Changkyun ever expected. “Jeongguk is going to freak though.”

 

Changkyun groans, secretly immensely relieved that Minhyuk seems accepting of his decision to trust Lee to that degree. “Don’t tell him!”

 

“Oh Kkukkung… Jeongguk’s been secretly shipping you and your ‘rap soulmate’ since that time you were drunk and you gave that hilariously emotional speech about how ‘no one understands you like he does’ like some 2011 Taylor Swift song.” Minhyuk cackles. “He deserves to know.”

 

Changkyun flushes bright red. _OH. Definitely_ not _the reason I thought Jeongguk would freak out._

✖

“Ah _hyung_ ,” Changkyun protests, barely managing to contain his laughter. “I’m sorry! I won’t do it again!”

 

“You made fun of my aegyo. I thought you were my _friend_.” _Oh my god, Jooheon’s voice is downright_ whiny _now_.

 

“I am, I am!” Changkyun laughs, warmth bubbling under his skin at hearing Jooheon call him his _friend_. “But hyung, friends don’t let friends insert aegyo into their raps! It totally ruins the feel. Now give me the paper!”

 

“Monbebe would support me…” Jooheon pouts, continuing to hold the paper which they have written their lyrics on out of his reach. “Oh my god, I just realised how short you are.”

 

“Hey!”

 

Jooheon suddenly bends down to his eye level. Alarmed at their sudden proximity, Changkyun chokes, quickly disguising it as a cough. As if only just realising what he has done, Jooheon jerks back as well.

 

“Wow, you’re like, _Kihyun_ short.”

 

Changkyun snorts. “I’m sure Kihyun-hyung doesn’t appreciate being used as a benchmark for how short someone is.”

 

Jooheon shrugs. “It’s kind of hard to express how little I actually care.” Suddenly, his eyes light up. “Oh! Wouldn’t that be good for the next line?”

 

Argument forgotten, Changkyun perks up. “Oh my god, yes. I like it. Make it a little cockier though – maybe ‘ _It’s even hard to express how little I actually care’_? One of us can laugh into the mic after that just to punctuate the line…”

 

✖

 

It’s become something like a routine to Changkyun: hanging around the studio with Jooheon, talking to Lee over Kakao during any free time, creating new covers and mixes and finally, returning to his apartment with Minhyuk to greet him at night.

  
He’s fallen into a sort of rhythm, but it’s calming, reassuring and he really likes it. The threat of ‘Matthew’ hanging over his head has receded somewhat and even the nightmares have decreased in frequency. Overall, he’s feeling pretty positive about life for once.

 

Of course, at the exact moment he’s reflecting on the surprising feeling of contentment he’s been experiencing lately, it’s shattered by a certain someone yelling his name from across the peaceful café.

 

“Changkyun-hyung!”

  
Changkyun doesn’t even have time to prepare before he has one Jeon Jeongguk barrelling into him at full speed.

 

“I haven’t seen you in _so long_.” He grins excitedly.

 

“Cute, but it’s literally only been five days.” Changkyun says, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Practically a week! What, you found cooler friends or something? Oh of _course_ , I heard from Minhyuk-hyung you’ve been hanging with Lee Jooheon.” Jeongguk rolls his eyes. “Ditching us for fame now, are you? Also – I can’t believe I had to hear that from _Minhyuk_ –“

 

“Jeongguk,” Changkyun laughs, pulling the taller boy into a brief hug. “I missed you too, you dork.”

 

“Take a picture with me? Please? My subscribers won’t stop asking me if we’ve had a fight or something,” Jeongguk sighs. “I don’t even know why they’re so invested in my personal life – I run a _gaming_ channel.”

 

“Damn, and yet the last time I looked at your channel, your latest uploads were ‘Reacting to Park Jimin’s Lie MV’ with a bunch of fire emojis.” Changkyun jokes as he pulls out his phone oblingingly. Jeongguk scrunches up his nose at him in the picture to convey his offended feelings, while Changkyun throws an arm over his shoulder and gives the camera an easy grin.

 

✖

_@imwhatiam uploaded a picture._

_Haven’t seen this kid in five days and apparently I’m supposed to ‘miss him’?? Jk I guess I may have missed your baby face… a little…_

It’s Changkyun and that ‘Kookie’ boy again. Jooheon sighs.

 

“You’d think I’d be less childish about this now that I.M and I actually hang out in real life.” Jooheon grumbles. “But I can’t help but feel a little offended that he left my studio and then immediately went to meet this guy.”

 

“You think you’d be ‘less childish’… and yet, here you are, jealous of a kid who’s like three years younger than you. You need to tell I.M the truth soon, Jooheon, this is getting a little too much even for me.” Hyungwon comments.

 

Jooheon jerks, initially unaware that Hyungwon had heard him grumbling under his breath. “Yeah, yeah. I’m working up to it… I just don’t want to pressure him. And I want to spend a _little_ more time with him as ‘Jooheon’ just to make sure he feels more comfortable when he realises it’s me.”

 

“Okay, do what you think is best. But while you do that, could you stop looking at that picture? You’ve been staring for longer than what’s socially acceptable.” Hyungwon says, casually sliding the phone out of Jooheon’s grip.

 

“I wasn’t _staring_!”

 

“Oh right, jealously glaring at the photo is a little different from staring, I guess.”

 

“Yeah! Wait no – _hyung_ , come on!”

 

✖

 

**Jooheon [10:32pm]**

hey quick question

if someone really close to u

like someone you really trust

lied to you about something huge (but with valid reason)

would you be mad?

Asking for a friend

 

**Changkyun [10:35pm]**

no offense hyung

but that is an oddly specific question to be asking ‘for a friend’

well no matter the situation I guess I would be a little upset

I think the natural emotional response would be to feel hurt

 

**Jooheon [10:36pm]**

oh

 

**Changkyun [10:36pm]**

but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t come clean

I think your friend would appreciate it more that you told her the truth eventually rather than let him find out by herself

 

**Jooheon [10:37pm]**

thanks changkyun that really helps

I feel a bit better :)

but uh it’s not a ‘her’ haha

it’s a guy friend

 

**Changkyun [10:38pm]**

oh sorry!! didn’t mean to assume

I think I misread the situation ;;;;

but good luck with your friend! I hope you guys work things out

I’m kind of surprised you came to me for help since I’m younger but… it’s really no problem

I think this conversation helped me realise something about my own situation too

 

✖

 

**I.M [10:51pm]**

hey lee

remember how I said that one time that I would be open to meeting up but I had some shit to sort out first?

the issue with matthew hasn’t exactly been resolved but

things have been going a lot better for me recently so I guess what I’m saying is

if you’d still like to meet up

I wouldn’t mind

 

**I.M [10:52pm]**

Lee?

omg this was way too sudden I’m so sorry

I shouldn’t have thrown this at you like that sorry I hope this didn’t make you feel uncomfortable !!

assuming your circumstances are the same now as whne you asked that before is so dumb of me oh god I can’t believe

 

**Lee [10:52pm]**

I.M

calm down haha I can sense your anxiety from miles away

it’s cool really

I would love to meet you!!

 

**I.M [10:53pm]**

oh thank god

I thought I ruined everything

 

**Lee [10:54pm]**

please you can’t get rid of me that easily

anyway when would be a good time for you?

 

**I.M [10:54pm]**

uh tmr or maybe the day after??

sorry just let me know if it’s too sudden

it’s just that minhyuk’s gg be out those two days for a collab so we won’t have him hovering over our first meeting haha

 

**Lee [10:55pm]**

oh tmr is fine!!

I’d have to meet you quite late though bc of work

around 9.30pm?

 

**I.M [10:56pm]**

sounds good to me

maybe we can catch a nighttime snack?

 

**Lee [10:57pm]**

looking forward to it :)

**I.M [10:57pm]**

uh so I’ll be sharing my location with you okay

we can meet near my apartment? there are a few restaurants nearby so

unless you live further away then we can rearrange?

wow okay this feels so weird I’ve never done this kind of thing before

if you’re secretly a stalker who wants to kidnap me and sell my organs on the black market this woujld be a good time to tell me

…sorry minhyuk put that idea in my head

_[I.M shared his location with you.]_

**Lee [10:58pm]**

WOW

THAT’S ACTUALLY

REALLY NEAR WHERE I’M WORKING TOMORROW HOLY SHIT

UM

WE’VE ACTUALLY BEEN IN 15-20MIN AWAY THIS WHOLE TIME

 

**I.M [10:59pm]**

WHAT

NO WAY

FUCK AHAHAHA ONLY WE WOULD HAVE THIS KIND OF LUCK

 

**Lee [11:00pm]**

okay but before we meet I kind of have to tell you something

it makes so much more sense now that I know you live nearby but

we’ve met before

at the café 10min away from your place

 

**I.M [11:01pm]**

WHAT

WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING

 

**Lee [11:02pm]**

c’mon I was nervous!!!

yeah so now you kind of know me a little but you don’t know it’s me

we’ve held a conversation a couple of times

so when you see me

it might not be someone you expect hahaha

 

**I.M [11:03pm]**

I mean I’m okay with it but

wow

holy shit

this is a lot to take in

 

**Lee [11:04pm]**

I know

sorry

 

**I.M [11:05pm]**

don’t be

I get it I’m really nervous about meeting you too

but in a good way ofc

I’m excited for tmr :)

 

**Lee [11:05pm]**

same

in a ‘wow I want to die’ way but

still excited

 

✖

 

_@imwhatiam uploaded a picture:  
Wow can’t believe you’re ditching me for 2 days to film with  @parkjinyoung hmph,, watch me eat all the tacos in our freezer hyung wATCH me_

“Huh,” A voice hums thoughtfully. “Location _and_ time? God, Changkyun, you make it too easy…”

 

Matthew exits the page and lets the laptop shut down.

 

“See you tomorrow, Changkyun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every time I finish a chapter of this fic I get worried you all are going to come at me with pitchforks and fire...
> 
> ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )
> 
> i'm sorry but the fic writes itself I can't help how the plot is going ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	12. chapter eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry crisis - I mean christmas everyone!! or happy holidays to those who don't celebrate it :) 
> 
> finally, this chapter is getting into some of the action - hope you all "enjoy" haha (don't say I didn't warn you though, I did tell you to bring your pitchforks and fire for this chapter) 
> 
> PS. scroll to the end notes after reading this chapter for a fun fact!

_We’ve met? At the café? When?_ Changkyun’s mind is in a flurry as he hurries to dress himself. _Lee said he was a barista… could it be that he works at that café?_

“Changkyun, I can _see_ your mind going at 20mph right now. I know you’re excited to meet Lee today but it’s only morning…” Minhyuk calls from the kitchen.

 

“Yeah, I know but –“ Changkyun lets out a huff. “I don’t know! I just have to see for myself… I’m going to the café.”

 

Minhyuk shakes his head. “I know I can’t stop you but… you’re going to be okay these two days with me gone right? I’m sorry, I should’ve called Jeongguk first to make sure he was free…”

 

“Not your fault, hyung,” Changkyun reassures him. “Anyway, don’t worry, I’ll be fine! I know I can trust Lee.”

 

“Even if you don’t even know his first name, it’s not him I’m worried about...” Minhyuk confesses, trailing off.

 

Changkyun shakes his head. “Don’t worry, Minhyuk. Matthew hasn’t commented on any of my posts lately and I haven’t had a nightmare in four days. The problem was probably smaller than I thought in the first place – I think I just exaggerated a little because I was afraid. Just go, hyung, you’ve done a lot for me already.”

 

Minhyuk bites his lip, although still unsure. “Promise you’ll call me the second _anything_ happens okay? Even if you just feel unsafe – you don’t need to wait until something definite happens. I’ll come home.”

 

“Okay. Thanks, hyung.”  
  


✖

 

“Hi! What would you like today?” A cheery voice greets him at the counter.

 

“Iced Americano. Thanks.” Changkyun says, studying the man standing in front of him. He seems to be in the right age range – around Changkyun’s own age – but he’s… far too tall. _‘I'm tall but not too tall’_ he remembers Lee saying. Whereas the man standing before him is the actual definition of a big, friendly giant. _Seungjun_ , his nametag reads.

 

Changkyun moves around to the waiting area, peering at the other baristas working behind the counter. He tries to read their nametags but it’s not much help since they don’t include last names. _Eunwoo, Bin, Inseong…_

“Changkyun?”

 

Changkyun turns in the direction of that familiar voice. “Oh, Seokjin-hyung! What are you doing here? I didn’t know you worked here.”

 

“I don’t, usually. I’m covering my friend’s shift while he’s overseas. Besides, a little extra cash never hurt anyone.” Seokjin says. Changkyun nods in agreement although he silently thinks that the amount of money Seokjin earns from his youtube channel alone probably negates the need for ‘extra cash’. “Are you looking for someone? Because Eunwoo says he’s starting to feel a little uncomfortable with how much you’re staring.”

 

“Oh. Sorry,” Changkyun says. “I wasn’t actually staring at him. Not him in particular anyway. Hey, does anyone who works here have the last name ‘Lee’?”

 

Seokjin laughs. “Only like – three different people. You’re asking if there’s a ‘Lee’ here when we live in South Korea?”

 

Changkyun deflates. “Right. I guess it was kind of dumb. Nevermind, thanks anyway hyung. I’ve got to get to class now.”

 

Seokjin nods, handing him his Iced Americano. Changkyun doesn’t miss the extra whipped cream he layered on top, and gives him a grateful smile in thanks.

 

“Good luck with whatever it is you’re finding, Changkyun.”

 

✖

 

**I.M [10:31am]**

oh god

i’m trying to pay attention in class but nothing’s working

it feels like my stomach is made of bees

 

**Lee [10:35am]**

‘trying to pay attention’ then what r u doing texting me

bees?? have u considered seeking medical help

ok but same

im actually rly nervous

we’re meeting 11 HOURS FROM NOW

 

**I.M [10:36am]**

are you TRYING to make me feel more jittery than I already am

oh btw can you tell me more about your appearance

I feel like it might be hard to spot you if there are multiple people there

 

**Lee [10:37am]**

uh well I’ll be wearing a jacket

rn my hair is white so I think that’d be hard to miss

 

**I.M [10:38am]**

white??

so you _are_ an old man trying to catfish me after all

 

**Lee [10:39am]**

dumbass it’s dyed

anyway if I was trying to catfish you wouldn’t I be sending pics of wonho and pretending it’s me or something

 

**I.M [10:40am]**

are you kidding me

you of all people should know my bias is jooheon

lol

 

**Lee [10:41am]**

ahahaha

yeah

it kind of slipped my mind sorry

I guess I’m more nervous than I realised

but talking to you kind of helped!!

sorry I gtg to work now but I’ll see you tonight !!! <3

 

**I.M [10:42am]**

okay <3

see you!!

 

✖

 

“Hyung, stop. Just watching you out of the corner of my eye is already making me feel the second-hand embarrassment.” Jeongguk groans, actually pausing his game to pull Changkyun’s laptop away from him.

 

For Jeongguk to actually put whatever game he’s playing down, he must look pretty pathetic.

 

“ _20 Great Conversation Starters For Awkward People?_ ” Jeongguk shakes his head in disbelief. “And you have, like, _10_ tabs open with some variation of the same thing. C’mon hyung, you don’t need that. You’ve been talking to this guy, every day, for _ages_.”

 

“I know, I know but… what if it’s not the same in person?” Changkyun bites his bottom lip. “Texting gives you time to think of a reply and you usually only start a conversation when you have something to say. I’ve never been good at talking to people in real life!”

 

Jeongguk sighs. “Believe me, I know how that feels but you’re fine with people you’re close to right? You and Minhyuk never shut up around each other, seriously. Don’t worry, just talk to him like you usually do, crack a few inside jokes if you don’t know what to say. It’ll be _fine_.”

 

“…Okay. Thanks, Kook.”

 

“Geez,” Jeongguk smiles. “Who’s the hyung here? Anyway, I bet this Lee guy isn’t even a _quarter_ of how nervous you are now.”

 

✖

 

“Jooheon, I know our performance isn’t any time soon but you need to focus on something other than I.M for a while. If you keep staring at your phone, your eyes are going to ache later.” Hyunwoo reprimands lightly.

 

“I know, sorry. But it’s just – we’re meeting _today?_ At 9.30pm. Oh god. And he just reminded me that _I’m_ his bias – which really doesn’t make me feel better at all, it actually makes me feel _more_ nervous that I can’t live up to his expectations –“ Jooheon groans. “I mean, I _do_ want to meet him but the waiting is _painful_. Why does 9.30 feel so far away?”

 

“Um, maybe because it’s eleven in the morning?” Hyungwon supplies helpfully from another corner of the room. “Calm down, Jooheon. Panicking isn’t going to help. Also, staring at your phone is only going to make time pass by _slower_.”

 

“I guess you have a point.” Jooheon sighs through his nose. _Music shows are just waiting and waiting, endless waiting backstage, really. Honestly, the_ waiting _before meeting Changkyun is the worst part._

“Come on,” Hyunwoo pries him from the couch gently. “Let’s run through a dance, just to take your mind off things.”

 

✖

 

 _Just put on the damn jacket!_  


_My nice jacket is in the wash, I don’t want to wear this one – don’t worry I’ll be fine!_

_Stop trying to pretty yourself up for your boyfriend – you’re not going to look good anyway if you’re freezing to death!_

Changkyun recalls the conversation he had with Jeongguk just before leaving his apartment. _God, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I should have listened to Jeongguk. He’ll never let me live this down if he finds out._

The wind had only been slightly brisk when he’d left, but now, standing outside his apartment at night with no defence against the chilly nighttime air except the two layers of clothing he's wearing, it's fucking _freezing_.

 

Gritting his teeth, Changkyun pulls out his phone and begins typing.

 

**I.M [9:25pm]**

hey not to hurry you or anything but I’m outside the location I sent you

are you coming soon?

 

**Lee [9:25pm]**

sorry!!!

im a little later than expected but I’ll be there in 15min

10 if I run

im so sorry I didnt expect work to have that many complications

**I.M [9:26pm]**

haha don’t worry its fine

please don’t run tho it might be slippery

 

**Lee [9:27pm]**

ok

 

**I.M [9:27pm]**

don’t rush I’m not going anywhere

be careful <3

 

**Lee [9:27pm]**

<3

 

Approximately seven minutes later, Changkyun hears someone coming down the path that leads to the little park centered right ouside his apartment. It’s hard to sneak up on anyone here – he knows from experience – because the wodden boards of the path creak every time someone puts so much as a baby’s weight on it.

 

**I.M [9:34pm]**

I think I hear you coming

don’t try and sneak up on me it’s impossible here

hmm since you haven’t read the messages maybe I’ll surprise you instead lol

 

Changkyun stands up from the park bench as quietly as possible, creeping forward until he’s near enough to jump out at anyone who might be coming down the path. He smiles a little to himself, nearly buzzing with excitement now that he’s so close to meeting Lee, _finally_.

 

But just as the footsteps draw nearer, Changkyun is hit with the sudden realisation that _maybe_ he should greet Lee like a normal person since it’s their first time meeting, rather than spring out of a bush to scare him. A little regretfully, he stands.

 

The footsteps come to a halt. 

 

“Daniel?”  
  


✖

 

**Lee [9:35pm]**

uh no false alarm

that’s not me im at least 5min away

 

Jooheon glances down at his phone. Still no response, even after two minutes. It’s strange. Changkyun had been responding quickly before that. Uneasily, he picks up the pace slightly. _No need to panic._

**Lee [9:37pm]**

cmon don’t chat up some stranger just because I’m a little late

i.m?

 

 _Still no response_.

 

“You okay? You look kind of pale.”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just… he’s not responding.” Jooheon says.

 

He reasons that he’s easily frightened – there’s probably nothing wrong, just his cowardly feelings acting up as usual – but there’s this _feeling_ that he can’t shake off. The feeling that something is _wrong_.

 

Jooheon thinks back to what Changkyun said before. Matthew. Minhyuk’s gone for two days. _There’s nothing to do at a park at night that would distract him from his phone… unless something’s_ keeping _him from it._

 

Jooheon knows he’s a bit of a coward, he _knows_. He’s probably over-thinking the situation. But gut instinct isn’t something he can brush off lightly. When he gives a last pleading glance to the phone and there is no response, he makes his decision.

  
Jooheon runs.  
  


✖

  
“Daniel?”

 

The warmth that he felt earlier from Lee’s obviously panicky and nervously apologetic messages is immediately dashed by a violent chill down his spine.

 

 _It can’t be – not today,_ no –

 

“Daniel, is that you?” Matthew says, the shock apparent in his voice. It sounds like running into Changkyun is just a coincidence but Changkyun’s mind is blaring a deafening alarm.

 

 _Why would he be here? There’s no way he just wandered over from Boston all the way to South Korea and ended up in the park where my apartment is! It’s not a fucking coincidence, I know it, he’s here to_ –

 

 _To_ what?

 

Amidst the garbled mess raging in his mind, he manages to spit out, “What the _fuck_ are _you_ doing here?”

 

Strangely, Matthew looks taken aback, as if Changkyun had just surprised him with his rudeness. Hah. Was being defensive towards the person who betrayed you considered _rude_ now? The part of his brain that feels distant from the whole situation, an onlooker from afar, feels like laughing.

 

“Changkyun…” Matthew looks down at him, looking _disappointed_ of all things. “I thought you’d be happy to see me. We’re best friends!”

 

 _What?_ Changkyun actually manages a shaky laugh at that. “ _Best friends_? Do you hear yourself? Why are you pretending like none of _that_ ever happened?”

 

“Oh, _that?_ ” Matthew shrugs nonchalantly, with the air of someone admitting they’d stolen a cookie from its jar. Unimportant. Trivial. “I thought you’d have gotten over that _ages_ ago.”

 

“What –“ Changkyun’s trembling, unable to even get the words out. “How can I _get over_ you _stealing_ from my fucking family and _using_ me to do it? What are you even doing here – _how did you find me?_ ”

 

Changkyun is shaking, his mind a whirling disarray of panicking thoughts. There’s something here that doesn’t add up – even if Matthew came to South Korea in search of him, there’s no way he could have found his exact place of residence by coincidence. An ugly thought rises, unbidden, but once its planted a seed of doubt in him, he’s unable to shake it off.

 

 _Was Matthew posing as Lee? This whole time – was he pretending to care about me to achieve his own ends_ again _?_ The doubt and hurt creeps through his mind like a poison. No matter how he looks at Matthew, all he can think about is Lee’s gentle words of encouragement, his spitfire personality, his unconditional support towards him. _It can’t be him_ … It feels like the world is crashing down at his feet, filling him with an icy numbness that's almost frightening. 

 

Matthew sighs, as if encumbered by an unreasonably bratty child. “Calm down, Daniel, Jihyun gave me your address.” The thought of Matthew talking to his innocent sister is horrifying enough but at least it confirms one thing: _Matthew and Lee are not the same person._ The relief is enough to choke him.

 

“Look, you’re being unreasonable.” Matthew says firmly. I came here to _apologise_ , okay? You don’t have to be so difficult. Don’t you want to go back to how things were before?”

 

Changkyun surprises himself when he gets startled by those words, how he actually feels a sudden _yearning_ for days that were simpler, before he became afraid of his best friend and couldn’t go a week without a nightmare. Matthew must see the openness, the vulnerability in his face because he goes on, in a soft voice.

 

“I know you’re upset about what happened before. But you have to admit not all of it was my fault, right? You’ve always been the smartest in class – surely you can see that you had a part to play too. And if that’s the case, shouldn’t we _both_ be apologising?” Matthew says, gently.

 

“I – I –“ Changkyun trembles, a leaf caught in a hurricane. It’s against everything Minhyuk and Lee told him but deep down, he knows it’s true. All this time, he _did_ want to apologise to Matthew. Tears, unbidden, well up in his eyes. “I’m _sorry_ –“

 

Matthew smiles, but this time, Changkyun doesn’t miss the self-satisfied gleam in his eyes. _I’m so weak, I can’t even stand up to him even now but maybe… maybe I can try._ Mustering up whatever courage he has left, he tries to remember what Lee said to him and continues.

 

“I’m sorry – but I don’t want to take responsibility for your decisions and mistakes anymore. I’m sorry for not being a better friend, for not stopping you before you got _worse_ but in the end, you chose that. Not me.” Changkyun says, still shaking, but firmer in his beliefs. Considering he didn’t even fully believe in what he was saying at the start, he’s surprised to find that his conviction is stronger now.

 

 _You can’t take responsibilities for someone else’s decisions. In the end, it was up to him,_ Changkyun remembers Lee’s words and tries to hold onto them now.

 

No longer smiling, Matthew takes a step forward. “What are you saying…? You’re… _not sorry_? For betraying me? For sending me to prison? For ruining my _life_?”

 

Changkyun shakes his head vehemently. “You made those choices _yourself_.” In a softer voice, he adds, “Jinseok, I’ve always cared for you. But I don’t think you’re the same person you were back when we were friends. We can’t go back to that time, I’m sorry.”

 

Matthew looks down, appearing conflicted for a moment, before he makes a muffled noise of frustration. When he looks up, he’s smiling. It’s sharklike and Changkyun _knows_ in that moment that there isn’t anything resembling his childhood friend in the man standing before him. His heart pounds faster in fear.

 

“You want to know why I really sought you out, Changkyun?” Matthew begins conversationally. “You’re fun to play with and everything and maybe I’m a little pissed that you ratted me out but above everything? You were the _best fuck I’ve ever had_.”

 

Changkyun chokes. Fear and outrage and mostly _humiliation_ roil in his stomach. Blindly, he stumbles forward with every intention to punch him, kick him – or do whatever it takes to _stop him from talking_.

 

But his every limb feels like jelly and the edges of his vision are beginning to blur. Matthew catches his wrist easily.

 

“What was that supposed to be? You trying to _hurt_ me?” Matthew laughs in disbelief. “ _Please_. You can’t touch me. Besides, I know where your sister lives. You do anything stupid like call for help and I’ll _make sure_ she can’t walk straight for a _week_. You Im siblings are probably both great at fucking, huh? By the way, _Jihyun says hi._ ” At the last sentence, his voice sinks into a conspiratorial whisper.

 

Changkyun twists frantically, trying to yank himself out of his vice-like grip, but to no avail. “You’re _sick_. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

 

Matthew laughs and the sound of it, so familiar and yet _not_ , makes bile rise in Changkyun’s throat. He shuts his eyes tight, gritting his teeth, not unlike someone trying to wait out a storm.

 

“Genius, huh? Standing around in a lonely park at night?” Matthew scoffs. “Anyway, you’re coming with me, I’ve got a hotel rented downtown. Try anything funny and I’ll –“

 

_Crack._

There’s a sharp, painful noise and the sound of it makes Changkyun feel sick. But the iron grip around his wrist loosens and he stumbles back, free from Matthew’s grip.

 

Matthew is thrown back by the force of the punch but quickly regains his balance. He rubs his jaw, glaring with narrowed eyes at the person who interrupted their conversation.

 

All Changkyun can do is stare at the figure standing protectively in front of him. His heart pounds erratically, hands shaking. The person is wearing a jacket – it _is_ chilly out – with the hood drawn up and he appears to be wearing a mask but instinctively, Changkyun knows who it is.

 

There’s no one else who would be wandering around the tiny park outside his apartment at this hour.

 

_Lee._

 

The relief and dread is overwhelming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fun fact:  
> I have an alternate version of this scene written out where changkyun believes that matthew was lee the whole time, for an extended period (planned to last at least 2-3 chapters). it's a lot more painful than the version you're getting now - I guess I was feeling generous because it's christmas? 
> 
> anyway, happy holidays everyone!! don't forget to kudos and comment as usual (i'll take it as my xmas gifts haha)


	13. chapter twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for your support!! it really means a lot to me <33 especially those who commented, you guys are the best and I love every single one of you - sorry for getting all sappy haha I guess it might be bc we're nearing the end of this fic soon ?? 
> 
> anyway, here's chapter twelve!! hope you enjoy :) it starts off heavy but it gets lighter and fluffier I promise - a nice change from the past few chapters right?
> 
> PS. it's actually my bday soon so I'm trying to update all my fics as a gift to you guys haha :')

“And who are _you_?” Matthew spits, rubbing his jaw, eyes narrowed at the intruder.

 

“Changkyun, stay behind me.” Lee’s voice is calm, but carries a low note of warning. Changkyun studies the tense figure in front of him and murmurs his assent, still trembling from shock.

 

“Aw, what’s this supposed to be?” Matthew bursts into mocking laughter. It rings in Changkyun’s ears, making his stomach roil with discomfort. “Your knight in shining armour? Sorry to break it to you, Daniel, but I could crush his head in one hand. But really, who are you? His new _fucktoy?_ ”

 

Changkyun lets out a low whimper.

 

“A witness.” Lee replies, voice still even, but Changkyun can detect the fury lying under his tone. “And _stop_ talking about Changkyun that way. You _know_ Changkyun has always cared for you and it’s not his fault you ended up becoming a dirty, sick fucker.”

 

“I’m sorry, but what would _you_ know? You’ve only heard one side of the story, haven’t you?” Matthew grins, eyes glinting. Suddenly, his gaze swings back to Changkyun, that unsettling grin still plastered on his face. “Watch this, Danny, I’m going to tell your little boyfriend here all about what you did.”

 

Matthew takes a step forward, making him tower over Lee. To his credit, Lee doesn’t even flinch. “Did you know he stole for me? Don’t look at him like he’s a saint because he’s definitely broken the law as much as I have. And then at the end of the day, after preaching all about how “what Ashton’s doing is wrong” and all that shit, he’d still crawl back to me. Fucked me whenever I wanted it. But after all that? He _still_ betrayed me. You think you know him but you don’t. He acts all high-and-mighty, like he has the high moral ground, but at the core, he’s just a _dirty, hypocritical, traitor_.”

 

Changkyun shuts his eyes, in a futile attempt to relieve his stinging eyes. His throat is raw and he feels sick to his stomach. He never wanted Lee to see him like this. The worst parts of himself, bared in front of him, leaving him exposed and vulnerable to scruntiny. _There’s no way Lee will ever see me the same way again._

_He’ll never like someone who’s fucked up like I am._

Lee’s voice, loud and defiant, is jarring to his ears.

 

“You think I don’t already know all about that? I really don’t get what you’re trying to prove. If you’re trying to get me to see Changkyun in a bad light, you’d better shut up right now before I punch you _again_.” Lee glares right back up at Matthew, the fiery defiance in his voice startling Changkyun into opening his eyes again. “ _No one sees him worse than he sees himself._ And now I know why his self-esteem is so fucked.”

 

Lee may be saying this to Matthew, but to Changkyun, it sounds like his words are aimed at him.

 

“You don’t get to come here and say that I don’t know him because I _do_. He’s the most caring, unique and selfless person I know. He’s ambitious and talented, but so fucking _humble_ it gets frustrating sometimes. He’s considerate and always gives me a shoulder to lean on. If he did something wrong, it’s only because he wasted his heart caring about _you_.” Lee says firmly. For a moment, the world comes to a halt around them. Even Matthew seems taken aback at the fire in his voice.

 

For the first time in that freezing night, Changkyun feels _warm_.

 

Finally, Matthew gives a derisive snort. “You done writing sonnets over there? This is so pathetic I can’t stand it anymore. If you came for a fight, let’s fight, coward. I want to get to the part where I beat your face in, already.”

 

Suddenly, Lee’s rocks back onto the balls of his feet, looking oddly calm. A small smile graces the corner of his mouth, his lips curling upwards in a slanted smirk. “Actually, that won’t be necessary. I didn’t come here for a fight.”

 

Changkyun follows his line of vision and can’t help the gasp that escapes him.

 

It’s the police. He hears feet pounding on the wooden path leading to the park. Changkyun estimates they’ll arrive in about twenty seconds.

 

The relief is choking, the tense atmosphere evaporating almost instantly. Wildly, Changkyun grins and moves forward, pushing gently past Lee. His mind is in a daze, but in the back of his mind, his objective is clear.

 

Drawing back with as much force as he can muster, Changkyun lunges forward and socks Matthew in the jaw, right where Lee had hit him. There’s another satisfying _crack_ and Changkyun shakes his fist. It’s stinging in pain but it’s worth it to see the stunned look on Matthew’s face.

 

“Self-defence,” He hears himself say, breathless with adrenaline. A little half-hysterical giggle leaves him. He probably looks slightly crazed, but he doesn’t care. Months of anxiety, panic attacks and fear are lifting from him like a cloud. “He threatened us. I’m defending myself.”

 

Lee coughs from behind him, sounding incredulous yet proud at the same time. “Sure, why not? I mean, I got a punch in, so you deserve to get one too.”

 

Changkyun nods affirmatively, but before he can do anything else (like maybe, get another punch in) the police storm the scene.

 

“Officer, these two are wasting your time. I haven’t done anything that warrants an arrest. Please, it’s just a personal affair between us that got a little heated.” All of a sudden, Matthew changes as the police snap the handcuffs over his wrists. The picture of innocence. Changkyun stares, fascinated yet disgusted at how manipulative his former best friend had become.

 

“I guess you could try to fake your way out of it. But I doubt it’ll work when we recorded every word of that conversation.” Lee says, the vicious satisfaction practically oozing from his voice. Then, to Changkyun’s utter amazement, another man steps out from where the police are standing. At first, his mind being swept up by the whole situation, he mistakes him as another police officer but upon closer inspection he realises –

 

It’s _Wonho_.

 

“What the _fuck_?” He says softly, but with feeling.

 

He spins around, to see if Lee shares his shock but he freezes up once he takes in the man standing before him.

 

He doesn’t know how he missed it before – the mask, the drawn-up hood, the overwhelming anxiety and fear he felt engulfing all his senses – but now that the immediate danger is over, it’s unmistakable.

 

“He stood back there recording every sickening word you said. And with concrete evidence like this, the first thing I’m going to do is file a restraining order against you. You will _never_ come near Changkyun again, do you hear me? _Never_.” Jooheon – Lee? – hisses visciously, the force of his words intimidating beyond measure.

 

Changkyun watches as the panic sets in, Matthew’s eyes going wide as he realises that not even he can get out of this situation. He starts to struggle, face twisted in an ugly scowl, eyes flaring in panic. Changkyun watches as he spits out words that are surely cruel but he doesn’t hear anything. All his senses feel numb, like he’s underwater. _It’s probably for the best_ , he knows but that won’t stop his nightmares from conjuring up the most cruel form Matthew’s words could have taken.

 

He keeps watching, all the way until Matthew’s hauled off into a police car and disappears from sight.

 

Then, he turns, all the fight and adrenaline leaving his body, and strides right towards Jooheon (Lee?). He laughs once, with that same half-hysterical note in it and presses his forehead against his chest.

 

Awkwardly – Changkyun can _feel_ Jooheon’s hesitance when his hand hovers above Changkyun’s head – Jooheon places a tentative hand on the back of his head, letting it rest there comfortingly.

 

“Hey, so, sorry I couldn’t _actually_ be your knight in shining armour and drop kick him into oblivion – I wanted to but he’s huge and I’m not really a fighter,” Jooheon jokes nervously, voice trembling slightly. Changkyun can hear the rapidness of his heartbeat thrumming in his chest. “Besides, I figured the sneaky approach would be better. To make sure he could never harm you again.”

 

“So it’s you.”

 

He cuts him off because Lee mentioned once that he has a tendency to ramble when he’s nervous. Changkyun hears him gulp. Pause. Suck in a deep breath of air.

 

“Yeah. It’s me.”

 

Silence drifts over the both of them. Changkyun knows they should talk, but he doesn’t quite want to move yet. Finally, Jooheon draws in a shaky breath.

 

“I’m sorry, Changkyun. I really wanted to tell you but – it’s not that I didn’t _trust_ you – I do, and I swear I was going to tell you who I really am _today_ – it’s just, it was hard, you know? Knowing that you looked up to me so much and knowing that I’m nowhere near what you think of me. I was scared and I didn’t want to disappoint you –“ Jooheon says, the hand on the back of his head tightening. Changkyun feels him tremble slightly, like he’s _scared_.

 

Bold and unafraid in the face of Matthew literally threatening to _beat him up_ but frightened thinking of Changkyun’s reaction? It’s such a _Lee_ thing to do that he laughs again.

 

His laughter seems to catch Jooheon off guard because he tenses up. Changkyun can understand why he’d be scared – he’s definitely feeling some hurt, as unreasonable as it is, that Lee never told him who he was even though Changkyun considered him one of his closest friends. But at the same time, there’s _relief._ He’s _glad_ that Lee turned out to be Jooheon, who Changkyun’s also growing to consider a friend as of late.

 

(He _knew_ the chemistry between them during those afternoons spent in the recording studio couldn’t be a coincidence. It was just like those times they’d helped each other with their raps over messages late in the night.)

 

So he tells him.

 

“Don’t be sorry. I could never be disappointed that it was you.” Changkyun huffs a little indignantly. “You’re always so hard on yourself. Why would I be mad when my talented, caring, _amazing_ friend Lee turned out to be the same person as my also talented, caring and amazing friend Jooheon? Besides, I stopped putting you on a pedestal a long time ago. You don’t need to prove anything to me.”

 

Jooheon stares at him in wonder. “Shit. I’ve really been overthinking this, haven’t I? Trust you to make me all stressed and anxious over nothing, asshole.” Changkyun glows a little at the fondess in his voice. “You’re _amazing._ ”

 

“Stop it,” Changkyun whines. “Matthew’s gone, you don’t need to keep saying nice shit about me to defend my honor or whatever.”

 

“Are you kidding?” Jooheon says, incredulous. He grips Changkyun’s shoulders with both hands, putting a little distance between them, looking him in the eye. “I meant _every word_ I said. Truthfully, none of that was really for Matthew. I wanted _you_ to hear it. It’s all the things I’ve always wanted to tell you in person.”

 

Heat floods his body. “Oh my god,” Changkyun says weakly, not entirely sure how to deal with the onslaught of praise. _Thank you,_ he wants to say, _no one has ever made me feel as appreciated, as special as you do. Thank you so fucking much._ Instead, he says, “now I have to deal with your cheesy lines in person?”

 

He regrets it almost immediately, but to his surprise, Jooheon’s eyes soften and he gives a small chuckle. He nods slightly, a knowing look in his eyes as if he heard Changkyun speak his thoughts aloud.

 

“Of course. You’re stuck with me now.” Jooheon says, satisfaction gleaming in his eyes. “Not literally of course. You probably need some time to process all this so I’ll just leave now –“

 

“No!” Changkyun blurts. Jooheon pauses. Swallowing, embarrassed, he clarifies, “actually, you can, um. Stay. If you’d like.” He tries to ignore how he failed to mask the pleading note in his voice.

 

Jooheon stares at him and after about three seconds, he breaks. “Please. I don’t – um – really want to be alone right now. And Minhyuk won’t be back until tomorrow.”

 

Jooheon wraps him in another hug. “Hey, hey, hey – don’t be embarrassed. It’s totally fine, of course I’ll stay. I was just a little surprised because I thought you’d need some space. You’re way too understanding towards me, so I thought I’d try to be a little more considerate. Sure you’re not mad?”

 

“Nah,” Changkyun says. “Okay – maybe a little, about one thing.”

 

Jooheon jerks so quickly, eyes looking at him in alarm, that he has to stifle a laugh.

 

“Come on, you let me ramble about Monsta X to you all the time and you never even _tried_ to stop me. Anyone would be mad.” Changkyun covers his face, groaning slightly. “It’s so embarrassing, I’m never going to live this down.”

 

Jooheon laughs. “You didn’t ramble. You were straight-up _fanboying_.”

 

When Changkyun headbutts him in weak protest, he laughs again. “Okay, okay. But really, it was so cute. I couldn’t bring myself to stop you.”

Weakly, Changkyun says, “Shut up. I hate you. We’re never speaking of this again and we’re going up to my apartment to marathon Buzzfeed Unsolved for the next few hours to forget any of this ever happened.”

 

With a smirk, Jooheon gives him a small salute. “Whatever you say, _jooheonsthighs.tumblr.com_.”

 

Changkyun gapes. _How did he…? Oh,_ he is going to _kill_ Minhyuk. Kill him, spit on his grave, then resurrect him with dark magic just to kill him again.

 

(And yet, settling on the couch with Lee – Jooheon – with a bucket of popcorn, this might also be the happiest he’s ever been.)

 

 

✖

 

**bff satan [10:43pm]**

kyunie? are you okay?

you were supposed to check in with me like 30min ago

did lee actually kidnap you wAS HE A CATFISH ALL ALONG

 

**kkukkung [10:45pm]**

oh um hi? sorry this is actually lee

or rather jooheon? i’m lee jooheon and also changkyun’s online friend lee

oh wow I probably should have explained this better but anyway

don’t worry changkyuns safe he just fell asleep on the couch while we were having a movie marathon

he’s had a tiring day bc matthew showed up earlier but don’t worry he’s at the police station now

I’ll get him to call you when he wakes up

 

**bff satan [10:47pm]**

wait what

wHAT

_message not read_

 

✖

 

Sunlight filters in through the window. Groggily, Jooheon lifts his head and intends for his body to do the same, if not for the warm mass laying on top of him. No, not a mass – a _person_.

 

_Changkyun._

 

The memories rush back into his head; the encounter with Matthew, Changkyun’s discovery of his identity, their movie night where both had ended up falling asleep on the couch.

 

Despite his aching limbs – wow his neck is really _killing_ him – he finds that he can’t regret a single thing, not when Changkyun is pressed up against him like some offensively cute koala.

 

Fondly, he brushes Changkyun’s messy fringe away from his face. He chuckles a little to himself, knowing how amused Changkyun would be by the action if he was conscious. _Such a cliché_ , he would tease.

 

Then, as if summoned by his thoughts, Changkyun stirs beneath his touch. He opens his eyes slowly, squinting slightly as the sunlight reaches his face. He scrunches up his nose, as if personally offended by the existence of the sun and Jooheon nearly cooes at how adorable it is.

 

“Hey,” he whispers, a soft grin gracing his face.

 

Jooheon watches in amusement as a faint, pink dusting spreads over his cheeks. Changkyun’s head drops back onto the couch. “Hey,” he replies, voice muffled by the fabric.

 

He knows it should be weird. They’ve only communicated via texting for most of their relationship, excluding the times he’s met Changkyun as Jooheon, making last night the first time they’ve interacted knowing all the facets of each other’s identity. It should be weird, awkward, _unbearable._

 

Yet, it isn’t. Jooheon finds himself content to just sit beside Changkyun, listen to his breathing, even, calm and light. To simply _exist_ near him because they can finally do that now. Changkyun seems to share his sentiments, lying beside him without a word. Neither willing to break the calm, warm bubble of the early morning encasing them.

 

Around a half hour later, Changkyun stirs again. This time, when he looks up, his eyes are clear and he’s wide awake.

 

“Breakfast?” He asks, voice deeper and huskier than usual. Jooheon barely suppresses the shiver he feels run down his spine. Not trusting his voice to speak without squeaking at the moment, he simply nods.

 

It isn’t until Changkyun gets up, walks towards the bathroom and Jooheon finds himself unable to tear his eyes away that the realisation of what he’s probably known for a long time hits him like a freight train.

 

Jooheon is so very, _very_ fucked.

 

✖

 

“I can’t believe this happened in the _two days_ I was supposed to be away,” Minhyuk groans, burying his face into his arms. Jeongguk pats him on the back sympathetically, though he apparently doesn’t have enough sympathy to stop sipping his milkshake.

 

“I wasn’t there either, hyung. Too bad, I would’ve got it on camera.” Jeongguk says.

 

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “My life isn’t a drama for your entertainment, brat.”

 

Jeongguk snorts. “Keep telling yourself that, hyung, when you fall in love with some stranger over the internet and then find out that same stranger is a celebrity you coincidentally have a huge crush on! Yeah, _sure_. Even a drama couldn’t be this ridiculous.”

 

“I’m not in _love_ with him!”

 

Minhyuk cocks his head, as if genuinely curious. “You’re not?”

 

Instantly, Changkyun flushes. “No – I – _I don’t know_! I just met him, officially anyway, isn’t it too soon to say that sort of thing?”

 

“It’s never too soon for love, young padawan.” Minhyuk says solemnly.

 

“You said the same about alcohol when I was _sixteen_!”

 

Minhyuk whistles theatrically, feigning innocence. “Don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, the point is – you liked him as Lee and you had a crush on him as Jooheon. Don’t make things more complicated that they really are.”

 

“But it _is_ complicated!” Changkyun protests. “It could never work and I don’t want to ruin a friendship like ours by making things weird.”

 

“See, that’s the kind of thinking that makes dramas like yours stretch out for so much longer than necessary.” Minhyuk sighs. “I love you but just trust me on this one. Instead of concluding that it could ‘never work’ could you just try _asking_ him? As the male lead of this drama, I’m gonna need you to do something about your situation.”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about but I guess some of it makes sense? In a weird, very _you_ way.” Changkyun concludes. “I’ll… try.”

 

 

 ✖

 

**heoney bee [9:24am]**

hyung!! rmb that thing I mentioned last week?

could you help me tell manager-nim I need to talk to him

I’m going to the starship building in half an hour

 

**hyungwonnie [9:33am]**

oh shit

yeah of course sure

i’m not saying i.m’s not up to it but it’s not going to be easy for you to convince him

 

**heony bee [9:34am]**

i know and i’ll come prepared

thanks hyung I owe u one

 

**hyungwonnie [9:35am]**

no need

kid honestly deserves it I want this as much as you do

 

✖

 

**Lee [10:40am]**

changkyun hi!!

so I know it’s only been like 2h since I left your apartment but could we meet up? I have something to tell you

 

**I.M [10:45am]**

oh really? same here haha

why don’t we meet tomorrow if you’re free? is the café near my house okay?

 

**Lee [10:45am]**

can we meet tmr?

 

**I.M [10:46am]**

ooh same thinking haha

it’s a date then!

so is the café okay

 

**Lee [10:46am]**

YES

Sorry caqps lock

I mean

yes

 

**I.M [10:47am]**

okay nice

cool

see you tomorrow

 

**Lee [10:48am]**

yeah

cool

 

**I.M [10:49am]**

cool

 

 **_[Edit_ ** _/ Delete Contact]_

Lee >> Jooheon

[ **Confirm /** Cancel]

 

✖

 

 

**kkukkung [10:48am]**

did I do okay??

I did everything you said

even the weird ‘it’s a date’ thing

 

**bff satan [10:48am]**

oh god

kyunie baby no

I told you to be SUAVE

not whatever… _this_ is

but it’s okay judging by his reactions you succeeded AND he’s as big a mess as you!! so all’s good

 

**kkukkung [10:49am]**

okay thanks hyung you’re a lifesaver

 

**bff satan [10:50am]**

yeah keep saying that even as I send these screenshots to guk lmao he’s gonna LOVE this

 

**kkukkung [10:50am]**

DON’T YOU DARE SEND THESE TO JEONGGUK

I’LL NEVER LIVE IT DOWN

 

**bff satan [10:51am]**

yeah that’s sort of the point? lmao

and it was at this moment he knew he fucked up.mp3

ʚ♡⃛ɞ(ू•ᴗ•ू❁)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!! 
> 
> I really appreciate every comment and will try to reply to all of them <333
> 
> PS. can you guess what the 'thing' jooheon is talking about is?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not kidding when I say I wrote this whole fic half-asleep at past 2am so if it comes out crack-ish, that's why :') half the fics I write are crack though, so I'm not even surprised at this point. 
> 
> my only defence is "it's jookyun, what was i supposed to do - not write it??"


End file.
